Part Eleven: The Truly Spectacular Blowjob Part Twelve: Shielded Part Thirteen: Shadows Part Fourteen: The Collaring Part Fifteen: Sharing a Plate Part Sixteen: The Punishment Part Seventeen: Shield Redux Part Eighteen: Synergy Part Nineteen: Home

 

Part Eleven: The Truly Spectacular Blowjob

 

John pulled Rodney back to the bed and Rodney went, still feeling bemused. Usually after sex he couldn't wait to get away, back to his own life, out of the restrictive circle of a top's arms. He'd got up to use the bathroom, thinking that maybe he'd follow that old pattern, and slip away back to his room for some time alone, but somehow his feet hadn't taken him away, and had paused instead by the window. He'd stood there for a long time, looking out, wondering why he wasn't moving, but he didn't have an answer – until John had woken up and given him one.

 

Now John wrapped his arms around him, and Rodney rested his head on John's shoulder. It felt good. Nice. Rodney relaxed into the embrace. So what if this was different? It felt good so why fight it? He sneaked a peek at John, to find his top dozing.

 

Rodney shifted slightly onto his side, so he could get a good view of him. John's hair was a tousled mess, standing out in dark relief against the white pillow. When he was sleeping he looked like a loose-limbed teenager, but Rodney was already sure that taking John at face value was a mistake you made at your own peril.

 

Rodney tried to make some sense of the enigma that was his new top. Mostly, John was laidback and easygoing, always ready with the casual charm and the goofy grin – but that wasn't how he was in the field, and it sure as hell wasn't how he had been last night. Rodney traced a finger over one of John's hands, where it rested on his waist. These hands could kill with deceptive ease, and could just as easily roam over a sub's body with total confidence, demanding and commanding obedience and respect.

 

Rodney had to admit to himself that John was fascinating. Smarter than he let anyone see, and far more passionate than he let anyone know. Rodney had never met a top who fascinated him before, and it startled him.

 

Rodney reached his hand down to touch his own ass, and found the puckered bite mark that John had placed on him. It thrilled him in a way he'd never experienced before, to be marked like this. John's mark. On his skin. Pressed into his flesh…he had no idea why that should be so exciting but it was.

 

Last night he had been lost in a haze of desire and pleasure. He had offered himself up, panting and hungry, to this man, had allowed him into his body, and he still didn't know why because he'd sworn to himself he'd never let that happen again. But…it had been exquisite. Breath-taking. An experience he'd treasure for the rest of his life.

 

His ass still burned from the way John had slowly, with infinite care and patience, breached his last defences, gentling him until he was relaxed enough to let it happen. And now…Rodney studied his top's sleeping face, wondering what happened next. John had said he was his – and Rodney couldn't deny that some part of him was thrilled to hear it – but what did that mean, and how the hell could it possibly work?

 

The sun was warming the room, filtering lazily through the blinds, and John shifted and opened his eyes.

 

"We should get up soon," Rodney said, reluctantly, shifting in his top's arms.

 

"Nope," John replied, pulling him firmly back into place. "We're not going to work today. I'll radio Elizabeth and let her know."

 

"What?" Rodney raised his head, and gazed at John questioningly. His lover grinned at him.

 

"Don't look at me like that!" John protested. "There is no way – *no way* – that I am going to let you out of my sight today, Rodney. Last night was just the beginning – and there's still a hell of a lot more exploring I want to do."

 

His hands slid appreciatively over Rodney's naked body, making it clear what kind of exploring he had in mind. Rodney found himself giggling, and the sound astonished him. He couldn't remember when he'd last giggled before John. Not since he was a kid he suspected, and he had no idea why he'd started again now.

 

"What are you going to tell Elizabeth?" he asked, surprised to find that he didn’t mind in the least not being able to go to his beloved lab today.

 

"Just that we're taking a personal day. We've both worked our asses off these past few months and we're due a break." John traced his hands over Rodney's wrists, holding them fast, crossed over his chest. "Or maybe I should tell her that you're all tied up," he purred in Rodney's ear. Rodney giggled again. "Would you like that, Rodney? To be tied up, and at my mercy?" John asked, in a voice that was such a serious turn on that Rodney's cock hardened at the sound of it.

 

"Mmm," was all he was able to reply, reddening slightly at the thought. Rodney had never been entirely comfortable with being a submissive. His brief but ill-judged attempts at topping when he was younger had been a total failure, and he had no wish to take that role again. He knew, deep down, that he identified as a sub, but his personality was too irascible and his intellect too powerful for him to find it easy submitting to anyone. He'd run rings around some of his former tops, and had never really done more than paid lip service to his own submission. They'd mostly been too stupid to notice, and that had suited him fine.

 

Rodney shifted uneasily in his new top's arms. Somehow, he didn't think that John would be so easily fooled, and he knew himself well enough to know it was unlikely he'd be able to change – so this whole thing was doomed to failure. He wouldn't be able to help himself – at some point he'd screw it up, the way he always did. He didn't understand people – never had. He couldn't read them, and he usually said or did the wrong thing once too often. His previous tops had either tried to change him or bully him into submission, and he was too strong willed for either tactic to work.

 

So all he could do was enjoy this, whatever this was, while it lasted - before it all went horribly, tragically wrong, and John realised what a huge mistake he'd made.

 

"Good, because I like the thought of tying you up, keeping you still, making you take whatever I want to do to you," John murmured in his ear and Rodney felt a wave of pleasure cascade through his body just at the thought of it. No matter how much he struggled with his own submission, his body always seemed to know exactly what he wanted. "Go and get in the shower," John ordered. "I'll call Elizabeth and then join you."

 

Rodney slipped obediently out of the bed, and was then pulled back for another long, lingering kiss from his top, before being sent on his way again with a firm spank on his ass. Even this was strange. Usually he tried hard to be a good sub during sex, but afterwards it was as if a switch had been flicked, and he was back to his usual difficult self. Last night hadn't been like that though. He hadn't been acting the role of good sub – he'd been too overwhelmed to act out any kind of role at all last night. He'd just thrown himself on John's mercy, submitting to every last thing his top wanted of him.

 

He hadn't tried any of the usual submissive tricks. No sycophantic kneeling and making doe eyes, no calling John 'my lord', or 'master', no over-eager attempts to please. He'd just been himself, startled, insecure, without even the usual veneer of arrogance and bluster, and now he felt naked and exposed in more ways than just the obvious.

 

Rodney got under the warm shower water and rested his head against the cool tiles, still feeling lost. "Mine", John had said, and Rodney had never wanted to be owned by anyone before – he felt claustrophobic at the very thought of it - but when John said it…when John said it, it felt good, like being wrapped in a warm blanket, safe and happy.

 

He was pulled out of his reverie by a hand on his shoulder as John joined him under the water.

 

"You're thinking too much. I can tell," John said, lifting Rodney's chin.

 

Rodney found himself gazing into searching hazel eyes. John's hair was wet through, and shone an inky black colour against his golden skin.

 

"Ssh," John said, and then his warm, wet mouth was descending on Rodney's, and Rodney surrendered to the kiss, unable, in all honesty, to do anything else. His body seemed to have a mind of its own, and betrayed him at every turn.

 

He moaned, pressing up close to John's naked body, and was gratified to find that his top was hard again. John kissed him thoroughly and then released him but only to grab the soap and begin rubbing it into a lather on Rodney's skin.

 

Rodney just stood there, allowing his top to wash him, still trying to get his head around all this. He felt dazed and confused, and there was something comforting about the way John's long, elegant fingers were sliding over his naked flesh, soothing him. John's hazel eyes were intent as he lathered every single inch of Rodney's body, examining it as he went.

 

He stopped every now and then to tweak Rodney's nipples, or to stroke his chest hair. His agile fingers found freckles and moles as if mapping them, lingered on a faint scar on Rodney's hip, legacy of an ice hockey accident when he was twelve, then moved on, slow but unceasing in their quest to map Rodney's flesh.

 

Rodney didn't move, he just allowed himself to be examined, too lost to respond with anything other than an honesty that went soul deep. After several minutes, John turned him around, and pushed him forwards gently so that he was out of the immediate flow of the water.

 

Now Rodney felt John's fingers on his back, stroking softly. They dipped lower, and found the mark on his ass, and Rodney heard his top make a little growling sound in the back of his throat. Then John was on his knees behind him, licking the mark with his tongue as if reliving the events of the previous night, his hands hot and eager on Rodney's hips as he held him in place.

 

Rodney put his hands on the tiled wall in front of him to keep himself from falling, and then he felt his legs being worked open, and fingers nudging the entrance to his anus.

 

"Are you sore after last night?" John asked him. Rodney glanced over his shoulder to see John inspecting the puckered opening between his buttocks, gazing at it intently, his fingers stroking softly in a way that made Rodney gasp.

 

"Not much. A bit…ah…there…burns a little," Rodney said, as John's fingers located the sore spot with unerring accuracy.

 

"Mmm…but you're not torn…just stretched – so I'll take you again later," John told him, and Rodney felt it again – that wave of pleasure. John wasn't asking. He was taking what was his, staking his claim, and that made Rodney tingle with anticipation as he responded to the words on some raw, basic level.

 

John removed his fingers, and Rodney let out another gasp as a warm, wet tongue took their place. He'd been rimmed before, but it had never felt like this. John was so sure of himself, taking charge of Rodney's body as if he'd been born to the task, finding pleasure spots that Rodney himself hadn't even known existed. Rodney gave a strangled yelp, his hands scrabbling for purchase on the smooth wall as John's tongue dipped expertly inside him. His cock was now rock hard, and he longed to touch it.

 

"Can I come?" he panted.

 

"What do you think?" came John's muffled reply. Rodney sighed, and thumped his head down on his arms.

 

"I think you're evil," he retorted. "Evil, tormenting, cruel, inhuman…."

 

He was rewarded for that litany of insults by a sharp, stinging slap to his buttocks that made a delicious warmth spread throughout his entire body. "Ow! Also – not a disincentive to mouthing off," he said, and heard John snort with laughter behind him.

 

"Oh god – I knew you'd be a handful but now I can see that's an understatement," John said. He moved away from Rodney's ass, and Rodney pouted into his arms, missing the fantastic sensation of being rimmed. John pulled him close and kissed the pout away, keeping Rodney under the water so that the soapy lather was washed from his skin.

 

"Can I wash you?" Rodney asked, drawing back a little and liking the way the water made John's eyelashes look thick and even darker. He had never been particularly interested in washing any of his previous tops, but there was something so soothing and sensual about the way John had just handled him that he was eager to try it for himself.

 

"Sure. I can't promise to keep my hands off you while you work though," John grinned. Rodney blinked. He'd never had a top this into his body before. Rodney knew he had the finest mind in two galaxies but he'd never fooled himself that his body was anything special. And yet, the way John behaved you'd think he was some kind of Adonis.

 

Rodney picked up the soap, and began lathering it over John's skin. Now John *was* some kind of Adonis. His body was long and lean, the muscles taut and toned beneath the flesh, and it was a pleasure for Rodney to let his fingers linger on his skin as he washed him.

 

He went down on his knees, and took John's penis in his soapy fingers. He'd seen it last night, but his main reaction then had been to worry how he'd ever manage to take it into his ass. Now he had a chance to really appreciate it – and it was magnificent. It was hard and powerful, both longer and thicker than any other top Rodney had been with. It wasn't pretty – it had a raw, blunt quality to it - but its beauty was precisely in its jutting, arrogant strength.

 

Rodney soaped it gently, lost in the task, loving the way the warm, hard skin felt beneath his fingertips. John moaned, and Rodney glanced up to find his top standing under the water, his head thrown back, his eyes closed, making soft little sounds in the back of his throat.

 

It was such an intoxicating sight that Rodney's own cock spasmed with need. He sighed – John seemed to have a thing about controlling when his sub could come, so Rodney doubted he was going to get permission any time soon. At least John couldn't stop him masturbating in the privacy of his own room though, and, looking up at John's beautiful naked body and magnificent hard cock, Rodney thought he'd have enough fuel for masturbatory fantasies for a long time to come.

 

Rodney washed the soap off John's hard cock, sliding his hand firmly along the shaft to keep his top fully erect, and then he couldn't resist pressing a kiss to the tip of it. One kiss became two, and then Rodney couldn't help sliding his lips around the velvety head, and sucking down gently.

 

John's eyes flickered open, and his hand came to rest on Rodney's head. Rodney paused – he should probably have asked permission to start sucking, and he wasn't sure whether John was the kind of top who made an issue out of that kind of thing.

 

"Is it time?" John asked. Rodney frowned, wondering whether he'd heard wrong because he had no idea what the hell that meant.

 

"Time for what?" he asked, pressing another kiss along the side of John's cock, completely transfixed by it.

 

John grinned. "Time for that truly spectacular blowjob you've been promising me for so long," he replied.

 

Rodney snorted. "My blowjobs *are* truly spectacular," he admitted. "But you'll need to be sitting down because your knees are going to give way."

 

"They're that good?" John raised an eyebrow. Rodney rolled his eyes.

 

"Oh yeah. A Rodney McKay special is *definitely* that good," Rodney said, without a trace of modesty. This was one thing he'd perfected. He knew that it pissed off his tops when he wouldn't let them take him up the ass, so he'd decided that he needed a talent to make up for it. Having set himself the challenge, he'd thrown himself into it with dedication, practising his art endlessly until he was sure that he had mastered it. He'd enjoyed the learning process – he lived so much in his head that it was a relief to lose himself in something this basic, and he found that it relaxed him, and helped him switch off.

 

"Ooookay." John sounded unsure.

 

Rodney got to his feet, with a smug smile on his face. "It's true, I'm an extremely arrogant man," he said, opening the shower door, grabbing John's hand, and leading him out. "But I have a lot to be arrogant about. For starters – genius." He pointed to his head with his finger. "And then, also, blowjob expert."

 

He reached for a towel and patted John down, then grabbed his hand again and led him back into the bedroom. "You didn't think a mouth this active was just good for talking did you?" he said, sitting John down on the bed, and kneeling down in front of him.

 

"Well, it's pretty good at eating too," John commented. Rodney rolled his eyes at that but he couldn't help giving a little giggle all the same. Then he pushed John's thighs open and settled between them. John's cock was still semi-erect, and Rodney took a moment to compose himself. He wanted this to be good, the way John had made last night so good. He wanted to repay the man for that. He wanted this to be the best blowjob he'd ever given.

 

He rested his hands on John's legs, and leaned forward to blow on the tip of John's cock. It hardened almost instantly, and Rodney relaxed, and started humming softly to himself at the back of his throat. He longed to take this cock into his mouth. He *ached* in anticipation of widening his jaw to take this magnificent breadth between his lips, but he knew something this important couldn't be rushed.

 

Instead he sucked gently on the very tip, and felt John shudder beneath him. One of John's hands came up and rested on Rodney's head, stroking his hair gently, and Rodney relaxed even more, loving the way that felt.

 

Rodney continued to suck on the tip of John's hard penis, swirling his tongue around the crown, concentrating on teasing the little slit. John sighed and leaned back, and Rodney took that as his cue to lean in.

 

He didn't give John any warning, he just took the tip of his cock into his mouth again, and then, without stopping, moved his lips down, and down, and down, relaxing his throat muscles so he could take John deep into the back of his mouth without gagging. This had taken a lot of practice, and Rodney had never swallowed such a big cock before, but adrenaline and his own arousal carried him through. He continued to move his head down, taking John's cock deep inside his throat, rubbing the sensitive skin with his lips as he went. John gave a hoarse shout, his eyes wide with amazed pleasure as Rodney ended up close to his balls and then slid back again, lips dragging on the throbbing column of flesh. He repeated the manoeuvre, sliding back and forth, each time performing a perfect deep-throat of John's penis.

 

Rodney revelled in the exquisite sensation of having such a broad, powerful cock in his mouth. It was a turn on of and by itself, and he lost himself in the task of pleasuring his top. He deep-throated John again and again, and then pulled back, and teased his tongue down the underside of his top's hard shaft. John's cock was purple now, hard and straining, leaking pre-come. Rodney licked a pearly white droplet from the slit and then sucked the very tip again, and John was gasping now, his fingers tightening in Rodney's hair.

 

Rodney knew that his top was close, and decided that now was the time to bring John to climax. His jaw was aching but he ignored that, and wrapped his lips around John's cock again and then swallowed it whole in one swift movement that made John roar with surprised pleasure. Rodney went fast now, as John bucked into him.

 

He was completely lost in the moment, worshipping John's cock with his mouth, totally absorbed in his task. He could feel John's penis hitting the back of his throat with every inward thrust, and then John was rising up beneath him, his balls tightening, and he was growling something incoherent. Rodney felt him convulse, and there was a warm gush down the back of his throat as John came. And came. And came.

 

Rodney felt an inner glow of satisfaction that he'd managed to make his top come so hard and for so long, and then it was over, and John was flaccid and spent in his mouth. Rodney leaned back and gently released him, and then dipped his head forward and tongued John's sated cock to make sure it was completely clean. Only when he was satisfied did he finally look up to see John lying back on the bed, his body as relaxed as a rag doll, staring at him with amazed hazel eyes.

 

"Truly spectacular?" Rodney raised an eyebrow.

 

"Oh ye…" John croaked. He cleared his throat and started again. "Oh god yeah," he said. "Definitely truly spectacular."

 

"Knees trembling? Legs weak? Body totally boneless and un-coordinated?" Rodney asked.

 

"What? Mmmm. Yeah," John sighed. "Can't move."

 

"Good." Rodney grinned, getting up and throwing himself onto the bed beside his top. John managed to move one lazy arm and sling it over his sub, stroking aimlessly with clumsy movements of his hand.

 

"I'm keeping you. For that alone I'm keeping you," John murmured.

 

Rodney giggled again, and wished he could stop. All this giggling was becoming ridiculous. John lay there in a stupor for a long time, and Rodney enjoyed being curled up beside him, basking in the fact that *he* had done this to John. Rodney was so turned on by having that magnificent cock in his mouth that he moved his hand down, surreptitiously, to touch his own hard cock. He managed to get in a few hard strokes when suddenly his arm was pulled away by a firm grasp.

 

"Have you forgotten what I told you last night?" John asked.

 

Rodney sighed, and rolled his eyes. "No. I was just kind of hoping that you had. Especially as I just gave you a Rodney McKay special."

 

"I want to be the only one who gives you pleasure, Rodney, the only one to bring you to climax," John told him, and there was an oddly serious look in those hazel eyes of his. "You're mine now, remember." He pressed his lips gently against Rodney's shoulder. "All of you," he said, in a low, intense kind of tone.

 

Rodney gazed at him, surprised by how important this was to John. It seemed to go beyond just a sex thing – Rodney remembered the way John had behaved back on the planet of the sex-starved tops, and he shivered. That John, jealous, angry and possessive, turned him on in a way he'd never have expected, and he was seeing a glimpse of that same side of John again now.

 

"Okay," he said softly, moving his hands away from his cock. "It's yours. I'm yours." The words seemed to placate John, and he smiled again. "Although…if you could see your way clear to playing with it any time soon that would make me a very happy man," Rodney added. John laughed out loud.

 

"Oh yeah. Playing is exactly what I had in mind," he said, an evil glint appearing in his eyes. He got up, slowly, and reached for a box on his nightstand. Rodney scooted over and rested his chin on John's shoulder as John opened it. Inside was an assortment of toys that momentarily took Rodney's breath away.

 

"Did you have anything you wanted to play with?" John asked. "Any favourite toys?"

 

Rodney shook his head. "I didn't bring anything like that," he said with a wry shrug, his eyes eagerly surveying the assortment of enticing items in the box. John turned to gaze at him with a surprised look in his eyes.

 

"Really? Nothing? You must be the only sub on this base who didn't then," he said. Rodney shrugged again.

 

"Probably. But I was kind of done with the whole sex thing when we came here. I didn't intend to give myself to a top, so I didn't think I'd need anything." Rodney gave a little sigh. "I was doing pretty well with the whole not-having-sex thing too until you showed up," he added, in an accusatory tone.

 

"Hey, me too," John reminded him with a grin. "But, unlike you, I hadn't lost faith. Lucky for us that SGC counted sex toys as a necessity, and not a personal item."

 

"Yeah, I'm not sure who'd have kicked up the most fuss if they had – the tops or the subs," Rodney agreed with a grin of his own.

 

John fished out a couple of sumptuous-looking, padded leather cuffs from the box.

 

"I think I promised to tie you up," he said, in a low, throaty tone. "Hold out your hands."

 

Rodney swallowed hard and did as he was told, his eyes wide and worried. He liked the idea of bondage but it always made him feel slightly anxious, and for that reason he was never able to completely let go and enjoy being restrained.

 

"You trust me remember," John told him soothingly, and Rodney nodded, feeling a weight lift from his shoulders. Yes, he'd forgotten that. He was so unused to trusting anyone but he *did* trust this man here. Trusted him with his life, with his heart and with his body – last night had proved that to him. "Good. Now ssh," John said, pressing a kiss to the side of Rodney's neck and nuzzling him there. Rodney's body immediately relaxed into him, as it always did.

 

John picked up the cuffs again, and fastened them around Rodney's wrists. They felt good – tight enough to be a constant reminder of his bondage, but not so tight they hurt. Rodney was busy getting used to the sensation when John pounced on top of him and pushed him back onto the bed. He held Rodney's arms above his head and straddled him, looking down on him. Rodney remembered being kissed back on a warm, sunny beach, and he sighed and relaxed even more, allowing his shoulders to unfurl as John pressed him into the mattress. Then John took hold of his cuffed wrists and fastened them to the metal rail at the head of the bed with a clip.

 

Rodney tugged on them for a second, testing them, and fought down a wave of panic.

 

"Ssh," John said again. "You're mine, Rodney, and I want you completely at my mercy."

 

Rodney sighed softly, realising that he wanted that too. He shivered as John lowered his head and took one of his nipples in his mouth. His nipples had always been incredibly sensitive –but his previous tops had always been less interested in playing with them than in having Rodney service their bodies in some way. John was different. He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know every single thing that turned Rodney on. He teased Rodney’s nipples with his tongue, exploring them with gentle swirls.

 

"Oh god," Rodney sighed, loving the sensation on his nipples. John held him down, and then sucked down harder, making Rodney squirm as warm ripples of a too-intense pleasure assaulted him in waves. "Oh god, oh god, oh god!" he cried. John bit down gently with his teeth, making Rodney holler even more, and then the torment was over, and John was lapping at his nipples with his tongue again, gentle and loving.

 

“You know…I think I need to put another mark on you,” John said, with a feral grin. Rodney felt his stomach do a little flip of anticipation. He loved the mark he had on his buttock – he loved that John liked marking him with his teeth, but he was full of excited trepidation at the thought of a nipple being bitten. “Just give yourself up to it,” John said, stroking his hair gently. Rodney nodded, and tried his hardest to relax as John moved forward and captured his other nipple between his lips, sucking gently. He opened his mouth to cover the entire nipple, and then his teeth were sinking very slowly into Rodney’s flesh. Rodney hissed and his body twisted against the brutal embrace, but John held him down, stroking him as he bit him, and Rodney loved and hated the marking at one and the same time. Then, suddenly, it was over, and John released his poor, abused flesh. Rodney glanced down to see the perfect red mark on his chest, and he couldn’t stop himself grinning. John grinned back.

 

“God I love marking you,” he murmured, fingering the mark gently with one fingertip. “And I love the way you respond when I suck your nipples. I think I need to play with them a lot."

 

"Mmm," Rodney sighed, happy to hear it. He’d often fantasised about being held down and just having his nipples played with for hours on end, but he’d never had a top who’d been that interested before, beyond the occasional use of nipple clamps.

 

"There are other ways we could torment them." John gave an evil grin, and reached for his box of tricks again. Rodney's eyes widened as his top pulled out a long, white feather and he gave a disbelieving snort.

 

"You're going to tickle me to death?" he asked. John laughed.

 

"Oh no. Something else." He placed the tip of the quill end of the feather on Rodney's chest, and pressed it into his flesh, and then dragged it down towards his left nipple. It was a peculiar sensation – kind of scratchy, and Rodney watched it go lower in trepidation, wondering how it would feel on his sensitive nipples. It scratched closer, and closer…and then, without warning, John lifted the nib of the feather and poked it down hard on Rodney's nipple.

 

"Oh shit! God! No!" Rodney howled, as the light, blunt tip dug deep into the nub of flesh. It hurt, but it also sent shockwaves of pleasure coursing through him.

 

"Hold it," John said, his voice the only constant as he held the feather in place, still stuck deep in Rodney's nipple.

 

"Oh god…please…please…" Rodney moaned incoherently. He couldn't take it any more and wriggled so much that John lost his grip, and then, thankfully, the sensation stopped and Rodney lay there, blinking the sweat away from his forehead. "Only an evil genius would think of doing that with a bloody feather," Rodney groused when he'd got his breath back.

 

John wasn't smiling though. He was running a possessive hand over Rodney's body, shaking his head. "You're mine, Rodney. You have to learn to submit," he said. "I could tie you tighter, make sure you take what I want to hand out, for as long as I want to hand it out, but I'd prefer you to offer yourself up willingly, without trying to get out of it."

 

Rodney gazed at him blankly. "It hurt," he whimpered at last.

 

"I know." John gazed back at him, uncompromising. "That's what makes your submission the sweeter – if it's easy then you won't get the same high. Trust me."

 

Rodney took a deep breath. He had been right earlier – there was no way John was going to let him pay lip service to his own submission. He wanted Rodney to surrender to him completely, and he wasn't going to be satisfied with anything less. Little things like this were less because he wanted to cause Rodney pain than a test of how much Rodney was really offering up to him.

 

"Okay. I'll try," Rodney said at last, surprising himself. John smiled, and leaned down to press a deep, comforting kiss on Rodney's mouth.

 

"I promise it'll be good – better than you can ever imagine, but you have to accept what I want to do or it won't work," he said. Rodney nodded, and then shuddered slightly as John picked up the feather again. "Now, because you moved last time, this time I'll hold it there for longer," John told him, and Rodney felt his stomach do a little flip. He found John's words and tone more arousing than he thought he really should. There was something intoxicating about giving himself up so completely to someone else's will, and Rodney closed his eyes, whimpering slightly, as the sharp point of the feather landed on his chest and began its slow crawl down towards his right nipple this time.

 

He was squirming in anticipation as it got closer and closer, and, unable to keep his eyes closed, he opened them in time to see John move his hand swiftly and then the point of the feather was being pressed into his nipple again, and it felt so intense, but at the same time it felt so good too. Rodney gasped, trying not to flail and twist away, desperately trying to surrender to his top's will, and John was kneeling above him the entire time, soothing him with little words of comfort and encouragement.

 

"That's it. Take it, Rodney. Just surrender to me. Let me do this…let me play with your body, any way I want. Ssh, ssh, good boy…god you look so beautiful when you give yourself up to me…."

 

Rodney was moaning now, longing for his nipple to be released from the dull, constant ache of having the tip of the feather poked onto it. John was pressing it down so hard that it felt as if it was going deeper and deeper, although logically he knew that it wasn't, that his body wasn't being pierced by it. It just felt that way.

 

"Good boy. You're doing so well. Take it for a bit longer – for me. You can do that can't you, Rodney?" John asked. Rodney gazed up at him blindly, about to tell him that he couldn't, that John had to release him now, but instead he had a moment of revelation instead.

 

For one long moment in time, it seemed to Rodney that they were joined, locked in the same bubble of energy, and it flowed freely between them, as sweet and warm as honey. There was just him and John, and the sound of John's voice, and the unbearable pricking sensation in his chest, and a feeling that was like nothing he'd ever felt before.

 

Oh god – this was good. He could do this. He *wanted* to do this. Wanted to give himself up to John, and drink from this honey cup forever. His entire body was shaking from the effort of not moving, but still he kept in position, his blue eyes locked with John's hazel ones, both of them transfixed by each other. Rodney thought he could have taken it forever if John asked him to, and that was a moment of revelation for him. And then it was over, and Rodney gave a whimper that was part relief and part disappointment. John removed the feather, and took Rodney's sore, abused nipple between his warm, gentle lips, lapping at it. The nipple was so sensitised that Rodney gasped in pleasure. John's hands were firm on his body, stroking him, gentling him, calming him, and it was the best feeling in the whole world.

 

Finally John released him, and sat back on his heels. "How was that?" he asked.

 

"Just…I don't know. Terrible and fantastic at the same time," Rodney croaked.

 

John grinned. "I love playing with you. I've never had a response like it. It's just…indescribable," he said, looking a little bemused.

 

"Did you feel it too?" Rodney asked, in a slightly awed tone. "That moment…when it felt like there was something warm flowing between us. What was that?"

 

"I think it was something my father told me about a long time ago," John said softly, gently stroking Rodney's nipples with just the lightest, gossamer touch of his fingers.

 

"Did he say what it was?"

 

"Oh yeah." John grinned at him, and then lowered his head and took hold of Rodney's lips with his own, kissing him deeply. When he released him, he nuzzled Rodney's neck, and whispered something that Rodney only half heard, and could barely make sense of, but it sounded like "that was the for real moment".

 

Then John's mouth was travelling lower so Rodney didn't have any brain power left to think about anything at all. Now John was gentle, just kissing and lightly sucking as his mouth travelled over Rodney's body. He treated Rodney's body like his own personal playground, taking complete charge of it, and Rodney, bound as he was, could do nothing but offer himself up to his top. John was dedicated in his exploration as well. He seemed as fascinated by Rodney as he had been in the shower, those hazel eyes of his missing nothing as he nuzzled, and licked, and kissed his way over Rodney's naked skin.

 

He got to Rodney's cock and glanced up, an anticipatory gleam in his eyes. "This would look good in a cock ring," he murmured. Rodney's cock bounced enthusiastically at that idea. "My cock ring. I like the idea of you wearing it all day."

 

"Me too," Rodney muttered weakly. John reached out and slid his finger over Rodney's hard shaft and Rodney gave a little yelp as the sensitised flesh cried out for the release of orgasm. John was not inclined to be merciful though – Rodney could see that by the look in his top's eyes.

 

"Hold it for me, Rodney."

 

"Or?" Rodney tugged on his wrist cuffs slightly, feeling it was time they established some ground rules here. He was getting some idea of the kind of top John was, but he wanted more to go on.

 

John paused for a moment. "There's no 'or'," he said. "I'm telling you to hold it and last night you told me you could do that for as long as I ordered. I'm not asking you to do anything you said you couldn't do, and as you’re my sub, I expect you to obey me."

 

Rodney found that he liked the uncompromising tone in John's voice but still he wanted to test those boundaries.

 

"And deliberate disobedience?" he asked. "What happens then?"

 

John placed his hand very slowly around Rodney's cock and slid it along, making Rodney's breath hitch in his throat.

 

"I'm not making any threats, Rodney. I'm your top – I expect your obedience in the bedroom. It all goes back to that issue of trust. I'm not playing a game here, Rodney. If you can't do something you have to tell me – I'll always listen. If you just don't *want* to obey me – well, that's something a bit different, and we'd have to talk about that."

 

Rodney relaxed into his bonds. There was no trap here, designed to trick an unwary sub into making a mistake. John's rules seemed deceptively straightforward, and Rodney found that he *did* want to please him. He had never been a particularly rebellious sub in any case – he wasn't bratty on purpose to get attention as some subs were. He wanted to be sexually submissive, but his tops had never been strong enough to keep his interest, and they'd all tried to punish him for his smart mouth whereas John just seemed to find him amusing. It was different, and oddly reassuring.

 

"Now relax, and stop thinking…I'm going to turn you over," John said, unfastening Rodney's hands from the rail, and flipping him onto his stomach. He refastened Rodney's bonds and then Rodney felt John straddle him. He moaned as John kissed the back of his neck, and stroked his hair. This felt so much more tender and intimate than his previous experiences.

 

"Sometimes I'll want you still, and quiet, but not now," John whispered in his ear. "I want to see the real Rodney, the one you keep hidden."

 

"I don't…" Rodney began, but then he gave a soft mewl of pleasure as John's hands parted his buttocks, and John's tongue slid between them. It felt so warm, so delicious, *so* incredibly good that he was incapable of coherent thought for awhile.

 

John lapped his anus with long, sweet strokes of his tongue, and Rodney grasped his chains in his hands and wriggled, abandoning himself to the pleasure. He opened his legs wider, to give John better access, and panted with pleasure as John's tongue went deeper. John's hands were firm on his buttocks, holding them apart, and Rodney felt his entire body melt into a puddle of sensation. He stopped thinking, and just responded to John's every touch, moaning with each inward thrust of John's tongue, and sighing with pleasure as John swirled around the sensitive opening. His body was writhing, rising and falling to meet that exquisite wet pleasure, and the only thing he remembered, dimly, at the back of his mind, was that he couldn't come. He could enjoy this for as long as he wanted, but he mustn't come.

 

Rodney wasn't sure how long he lay there, just accepting all that intense physical bliss – at some point he zoned out, and when he came to he could feel John stroking his body and speaking to him in a low, affectionate tone.

 

"Where…what…?" Rodney blinked, raising his head and looking around, blearily.

 

"Ssh, it's okay. I just wanted to get you completely relaxed. I'm going to take you again in a minute," John told him. Rodney felt a kiss being pressed to the side of his face, and then John was unfastening him again, rolling him over once more, only to tie him to the rail again when he was lying on his back. Rodney felt himself tensing inside ever so slightly. He had loved the sensation of taking John's big, hard cock into his body the previous night, but he wasn't sure he was ready to do that again so soon.

 

"I want to look at you when I take you," John told him, leaning over him. "And I want you to come with me inside you again. Straight after I've come, you can come. Understand?"

 

Rodney gazed up at him, nodding. "Like last night," he murmured. "Is there a reason why?"

 

John grinned, his white teeth flashing bright inside his tanned face. "You're thinking too much McKay. We're gonna have to work on that."

 

"It's just…it seems important to you," Rodney replied.

 

"It is. The only time I want you to come in the next few weeks is with me inside you," John told him.

 

"What?" Rodney tried to sit up but his cuffs pulled him back down onto the bed. He'd had plans to masturbate in his room when they were apart, but John's plans seemed to be headed in an exponentially different direction.

 

John grinned again, and pressed another kiss to Rodney's dismayed lips. "You heard," he said. "Call it training if you like. I want you to associate me being inside you with you being able to come. I want you to crave taking me into your body, Rodney, knowing you'll get some release when I'm done." Then he dropped his head down, and nuzzled at Rodney's ear. "I know you'll be apprehensive about anal sex for awhile – one night isn't going to change that immediately," he murmured, his breath tickling the side of Rodney's face. "I want you to look forward to it, Rodney."

 

"Last night was fantastic," Rodney said.

 

"But now you're a little bit tense again, yes?" John gently tickled Rodney's left nipple and Rodney sighed.

 

"A little," he admitted.

 

"That's okay. I want you to be honest. I will take you again, Rodney – but it'll be good, like it was last night, and afterwards you'll get to come."

 

John kissed him again, and then he reached for the lube on the nightstand and slid down Rodney's body. He pushed Rodney's legs apart, and next thing Rodney knew something cold was being circled around his anus. He willed himself to relax, but his old tendency to clench at the thought of being penetrated returned.

 

"Ssh. It's okay. We can take as long as we like," John told him, grinning at him.

 

Rodney closed his eyes and let himself go limp in his bonds as John played with his anus. Rodney became used to the sensation of John's fingers sliding into his body, in and out, sometimes one, sometimes two, and then three. He remembered the previous evening and how good it had felt having John ride him like that. John had the widest, most powerful cock of any top he'd been with, but miraculously his body had stretched to take it, and it had felt so amazing to take it into him, and have John claim him with it.

 

Slowly, Rodney started to relax again. It was easy to relax with John – his body, as usual, was always one step ahead of his mind, and it always went very relaxed and calm whenever John was close by. His cock was flagging now, still a little apprehensive about what was to come, but Rodney hoped John wouldn't neglect it.

 

Finally, John seemed to think he was ready, and Rodney watched as his top slathered lubricant over that hard, thick cock, and then pushed Rodney's legs apart again, and positioned himself between them. Rodney pulled his knees back, opening himself up for John to take him, and John gently parted his buttocks and then pressed his cock into the slicked opening.

 

Rodney closed his eyes, trying to get accustomed to the sensation – somehow he had the feeling he was going to be in this position a lot from now on. His anus remained clenched at first, and John did what he had the previous night, and just dipped the tip of his cock in and then backed out again, pressing a little harder each time until he made a determined push to get past the ring of muscle. Rodney gave a startled shout. Going in, it always felt like he couldn't take it, and this time around there was still a residual burn from the previous evening, and he whimpered, trembling. John slid in the rest of the way, and then he lay on top of Rodney, fully inserted inside him, his hands coming to rest on either side of Rodney's head.

 

"Ssh, just take some time," he whispered. He claimed Rodney's lips with his own again and Rodney sighed. His body melted against his top's, and he felt his ass loosen up around the powerful intruder lodged deep inside. The burn soon wore off, and before long Rodney was enjoying the sensation of John lying on top of him, his hard cock pressed deep within his body. He loved the kisses John kept bestowing on his lips, and the way John was looking down at him, his hazel eyes full of some shining emotion that Rodney had never seen in a lover's eyes before.

 

"God you feel good," John murmured to him. "When I'm not inside you I want to be. I've never felt as good as I do when I'm in you. When we go back to work, I'll have to call you to my office every few hours just so I can take you."

 

Rodney moaned softly. He knew that John was trying to turn him on, to get him erect again, and it was damn well working!

 

"You'll catch me looking at your ass when we're out in the city, and I'll be thinking of this." John pulled back, ever so slightly, and bounced his hips to illustrate the point, and a wave of white hot pleasure fizzed through Rodney's body. John grinned and then moved his hips back again and thrust in. Rodney gave a startled gasp as his entire body seemed to ripple. John got into a rhythm, taking Rodney slowly, with long, leisurely strokes. Rodney remembered that John had already come this morning, so he wasn't urgent. He smiled down on Rodney as he rode him, sliding in and out of Rodney's body with gentle, loving thrusts that relaxed Rodney even more. He felt himself growing hard again as John gazed down on him, and John's hard cock claimed him for his own once more.

 

He was lost in this moment, completely wrapped up in his top. Right now, he didn't care if he got to come or not. He just wanted to feel John moving inside him, to see the expression in John's eyes when he took him, and to offer up his naked, chained body for his top to use in any way he liked.

 

John seemed to sense his mood, and his smile faded, and his expression became more intense, and once again Rodney felt that sensation of a warm, sweetness flow between them. He was John's. He belonged to this man who was claiming him so expertly, and he wanted nothing more than to surrender his body to him, to allow him to take his pleasure from it. This…*this* was the real him, the one John told him he kept hidden. This was him finding his own submissive headspace, for the first time in his life, knowing he could relax and be himself because he was with someone he trusted.

 

Now they were moving as one, John thrusting powerfully into his open, relaxed body, Rodney moving in time to those thrusts, welcoming every single one deep within. His nerve endings were tingling, and his cock was rock hard, weeping pre-come, but there was no question of him coming before he was entitled to do so – he belonged to John, and would do as he'd been ordered, and his body went into a thrilled spasm as he thought that. Then he felt John shudder, and a warmth spread inside him.

 

"Rodney!" John shouted, his face scrunching up. "Oh shit…Rodney," he whispered, giving one last, half-hearted little thrust. Rodney knew that John had come, and then, just a split second later, his own cock erupted, splattering his stomach and John's with his come.

 

Rodney hadn't even been aware he was so close, that he was just holding on for John's climax, but the way John had hollered out his name as he had his orgasm had triggered an immediate and instinctive reaction in Rodney's body.

 

John smiled down at him, and then collapsed on top of him. He rested his head in the crook of Rodney's neck and just lay there, the two of them completely as one.

 

Rodney didn't want to move. Not ever. He wanted to lie here, supine and bound, his body still clenched tight around his top's cock, John's hair tickling the underside of his chin, for the rest of his life. Finally, John moved and Rodney gave a whimper of disappointment as he withdrew his cock from Rodney's anus.

 

Then he moved, slowly, to unfasten Rodney's cuffs, before throwing himself back down on Rodney's body again. Rodney wrapped his newly-freed arms around him, and kissed the side of his top's exhausted face. It all felt so raw, and kind of emotional, and he closed his eyes as he felt an unfamiliar prickling behind his eyelids.

 

"Rodney?" John moved, and Rodney felt the light press of a kiss on his cheek. "Hey." John rolled to one side and pulled Rodney into his arms. Rodney kept his eyes tightly shut. He had no idea what kept happening when they were making love but afterwards he felt so vulnerable, as if he'd laid his soul bare, offered it up, naked and shrivelled and shivering, for the taking.

 

John didn't say anything, he just kissed Rodney's hair, and held him close, his arms a safe haven while Rodney struggled with all the unfamiliar emotions coursing through his body. How had he thought he could do this? Be with someone like this, who wanted to love him, who wanted to know him, inside out?

 

He was already starting to crave John's touch – where would that end? It wasn't just the sex, even though that had been mindblowing and extraordinary and so exponentially better than any sex he'd ever had before that it might as well have been a different act. No, it was the light in John's eyes when he'd looked at him while thrusting into him, and the way Rodney had felt offering himself up to John to take.

 

He'd never actually *felt* submission like this before, had never allowed himself to surrender to his inner submissive, and he had let all his guards down in the process. The high had been unreal and sublime, but now he worried that he could get too used to something this good, and he already knew it wasn't going to last. That didn't usually matter because he wasn't that personally invested in his relationships – his smart mouth kept any kind of sentimentality at bay, and he never, ever talked about his feelings.

 

Yet now he was lying here, tears leaking out from behind his eyelids, and he resolutely refused to cry. He had no idea why crying was even an appropriate response in this situation. John rocked him, his skin salty and musky, and Rodney clung to him.

 

Rodney struggled to get himself together, and only when he was sure he had managed it did he open his eyes again. Much to his relief John didn't ask him any awkward questions – he was oddly protective, and held Rodney tight in his arms for a long time, before finally getting up and escorting him into the bathroom.

 

John held him close under the warm shower water while kissing him the entire time, and Rodney just stood there, arms wrapped around John's body, unable to fight the way he felt when John was holding him. Was this what being in love felt like, he wondered, or just the post-sex haze? Was he in love with John? He'd never expected to fall in love with anyone, certainly not with a military fly-boy with sticking up hair and an easy manner than hid a passionate, edgy personality.

 

When they were done, John got dressed and went to the mess hall to get some food. While he was gone, Rodney sat on the side of the bed and gazed at the picture of John's parents on the nightstand.

 

"You two have a lot to answer for," he told them, picking up the silver frame and glaring at them. The two men grinned cheerfully back. "He's too good for me," he muttered. "I, of course, am too good for the universe generally, but that's different – it's more of a brain thing. In the relationship sense – I'm not in his league at all. I am so gonna screw it up. And him probably. You won't be smiling then." He put the picture back down with a thump.

 

John returned a few minutes later clutching a tray containing enough food to last them an entire day. Rodney raised an eyebrow.

 

"You meant it? The whole, having sex all day thing?"

 

"Sure. Why? You have any other plans?" John grinned, putting the tray down on the table. Rodney rushed over, and surveyed the food eagerly.

 

"Nope - food and sex – sounds like an unbeatable combination to me," he replied, sitting at the table and grabbing a bread roll. He stuffed it into his mouth, whole, suddenly realising how hungry he was. The sun was high in the sky, and they'd spent the entire morning making love.

 

Rodney swallowed the roll down whole, without even tasting it, then surveyed the tray again, trying to decide what to eat next. John took a pastry and broke a piece off, then held it up to Rodney's mouth. Rodney hesitated. Was that where this was going? He wasn't sure that was a good idea. He wasn't sure about anything right now though – he needed some thinking time. So, instead of accepting the food with his mouth, he reached out and took it from John's hand with his fingers, noticing the little flash of disappointment in the other man's eyes as he did so.

 

"So, how is this going to work when we go back out there?" Rodney asked, gesturing with his head at the door as he ate. "I mean…are there any rules?" Most tops he knew had a whole host of rules, not that he'd ever taken that much notice of them. John looked surprised.

 

"Nope. Why don't we figure them out as we go along?" he said.

 

"Really?" Rodney stuffed a pancake into his mouth, and chewed frantically. John gave a little wince.

 

"Really. Well, except for the rule about not coming unless I'm inside you. That one I expect you to keep."

 

Rodney's chewing ceased immediately – he'd forgotten about that. "Mmabout that," he said, around his mouthful.

 

"No arguments, Rodney. I'm right here, along the hallway, and I'm happy to take you whenever you want, so there's no reason for you to go without." John grinned at him.

 

"I'm over the whole penetration thing," Rodney said, reaching for some coffee to wash down the pancake. "I'm so over that."

 

John just grinned at him. "Nice try, Rodney, but even if that were true, I still like the idea of your cock being at my mercy."

 

"Oh nice." Rodney made a face at him.

 

"I'm just gonna feel jealous if it has any fun without me," John grinned.

 

"You won't necessarily know," Rodney said confidently.

 

John laughed out loud. "Remember all those conversations we've had about your poker face?" he said. "You're a terrible liar, McKay. I'll always know."

 

"Hmph." Rodney made another face, and searched the table for more food.

 

"We'll take it slow," John told him. "It's early days and I want us to feel our way together. You're just discovering something about your own submission, I think, and there's a hell of a lot that's taking me by surprise too."

 

"Really?" Rodney glanced up, surprised by that. From where he stood, it looked like John had everything completely under control.

 

"Really," John said quietly.

 

"And what about discipline?" Rodney asked, because most tops he'd known wanted to talk about that.

 

"Well, there's no way I'm letting Peter or anyone else punish you again, so if you screw up out there then your ass is mine," John told him firmly. Rodney thought about that for a moment, and then nodded. He had accepted John as his top, so, technically speaking, it was John's right, and to be honest he didn't see it happening again. His finger was no longer pressed on that self-destruct button, and he had no desire at all to piss off Elizabeth or anyone else. What a couple decided about the way their relationship worked in private was another matter, but John wasn't being very forthcoming on that topic.

 

"Talking about out there – can we keep this quiet for now?" Rodney asked quietly. John frowned, and his expression changed. "It's just…I need some time to get my head around this. I don't want anyone knowing until I'm ready," he said.

 

That wasn't entirely true. One part of him wanted to go out there and tell everyone who his new top was. He wanted to shout it from the treetops, and see their faces when they realised that he'd landed himself the most lusted after top on the expedition. But another part of him wanted to keep it quiet until he could get his head around what was happening to him.

 

Usually in a relationship you didn't have to face seeing your top every day at work, as well as every evening around the base even when you weren't spending time in each other's company as a couple. Doing so under so many watchful eyes made Rodney feel uncomfortable. He tried to explain that, as best he could, to John, and, finally John agreed.

 

"Okay. But don't take too long," he said. "Because I really doubt I'll be able to be all that discreet for long. I want everyone to know that you're mine, Rodney, because so help me if any other top on this base gets it into their head that you might be available then…"

 

His hands clenched into tight fists and Rodney gazed at him, feeling an odd wave of affection for his top. John might look as if he had all of the right answers, but, where his own emotions were concerned, John was completely in thrall to his jealousy. It made Rodney feel less as if he was the only one feeling his way in this relationship - John clearly had his own problems to figure out.

 

"Are you done with the eating?" John asked. "Because it's been half an hour since I last touched you, and my fingers are starting to itch."

 

"Are you completely insatiable?" Rodney grumbled, enjoying the little warm tingle he got from knowing just how much his top wanted him.

 

"Yup. Now get up and get your ass over here," John grinned.

 

---

 

Part Twelve: Shielded

 

Rodney spent the day alternately making love or sleeping like a baby in John's arms. After his recent sleepless nights this did him the world of good, and, by the time he left John's quarters the following morning, his entire body felt boneless and soothed from all the relaxing sex. He ached quite a bit, and was sore in places, but his body felt more alive than it had done for years.

 

Rodney went back to his quarters and stood there, glancing around the place. It felt as if he'd been a different person when he was last here – as if it had been a lifetime ago. He stood there, blinking, trying to get his head around all that had happened since he'd last stood here.

 

He already missed the feel of John's fingertips on his skin, and the way his top liked to examine every inch of his body. He missed the way John tasted on his mouth, and the feel of John's thick cock pounding into his body, and, most of all, he missed that magical energy that seemed to surround them whenever their lovemaking reached a particular level of intensity. That energy scared him a little. It seemed to connect them, binding them together with invisible ties, bathing them in a warm, sweet, intoxicating bath. Rodney had never experienced anything like it before, and he craved it and feared it in equal measure.

 

Rodney changed into a clean uniform and set off for the lab, taking a minor detour via the mess hall on the way. He entered the lab bearing a tray containing a pot of freshly brewed hot coffee, and a dozen donuts.

 

"Don't panic! Rodney McKay is back at the helm. All is well!" he announced, putting his tray down on the side, and beaming at everyone in the room. "All right, boys and girls, I'm sure you missed me but the genius is back at his work station so you can breathe more easily now. So…." He glanced around. "Did the city blow up in my absence?"

 

"City is still standing, as you can see," Radek said, rolling his eyes. "And you were only gone for one day! We would all be happy for you to be absent more often I think. Was very quiet in here yes?" He glanced around the room, and the science team shot fearful glances in Rodney's direction, clearly unsure whether it would be wise to admit that.

 

"Ah, you were bored without me," Rodney beamed.

 

"I am glad you took some time away. Are you better able to concentrate now?" Radek asked softly, taking Rodney off to one side. Rodney beamed at him.

 

"My genius is once again operating at full force, yes," he told Radek. The other scientist rolled his eyes at that. "Well – what are you waiting for? The donuts are on me. Now, what systems have you been destroying while I've been gone, Radek?" Rodney handed Radek a donut, and glanced over the scientist's shoulder.

 

The morning went quickly. Rodney threw himself back into his work, a whirlwind of happy, manic energy, and the people in his team started to relax – although he did catch them sneaking glances at him when they thought he wasn't looking, surprised and wrong-footed by his buoyant mood. Rodney couldn't help himself – he felt so damn *good*, and he bounced around the lab, radiating goodwill. Every now and then he'd pause for a moment in what he was doing, and rest his hand for a split second over his shirt, feeling the bite mark on the nipple through the thin fabric. Or he'd close his eyes for just a second, and have a flash of memory of John leaning over him, his white teeth gleaming against his tanned skin as he grinned down at him, and then slowly, so slowly, slid that powerful cock of his deep into Rodney's ass.

 

He received an email at 10.20. Just one line but it made his entire body tingle:

 

"My quarters. 6 p.m. Don't be late. Your ass is mine."

 

Rodney giggled, and then glanced around the room to make sure nobody had heard. Radek shot him a surprised look but nobody else seemed to be watching. Rodney wondered just how much sex two people could have without spontaneously combusting but then he decided that he was quite happy to devote his life to finding out.

 

At 12 p.m. he went to the control room for a senior staff meeting. John was already there, sitting in the slouched position he favoured. His eyes lit up when Rodney came in but he didn't move, he just sat there and watched Rodney with hungry eyes as Rodney took his seat. Rodney flushed. He doubted that anyone else had noticed but John's gaze was so predatory that it made him want to grab his top, and take him some place private.

 

Rodney sat down, and tried to ignore the growing heat in his pants. John sat back and gazed at him, a lazy smile on his features, like a cat playing with a mouse. He undressed Rodney with his eyes, the expression in them absolutely plain for Rodney to read. Rodney tried to keep his mind on the meeting but he was so flustered that Elizabeth ended up asking him if he was feeling okay.

 

"Fine," he muttered. "Just a little…heatstroke." He made a face at John who grinned, smugly, and made a, “What? I'm not doing anything!" gesture with his hands. Rodney glared at him. Two could play at this game.

 

He left the meeting the minute it finished and headed straight for the transporter, activating the door behind him but not selecting a destination. Everyone else worked within walking distance – John was the only person who needed to use the transporter to get to his office. Sure enough, a few seconds later the door opened, and John got in. Rodney waited until the door closed behind him, and then he slammed on the door lock, turned, grabbed his top, and pushed him against the wall, all in one smooth move. Then he got down onto his knees, opened John's fly, and gazed up at him.

 

"I can't hold out until six," he said. "And, judging by how horny you were acting in there, you can't, either."

 

"Are you offering me a TSBJ, Rodney?" John asked, raising an amused eyebrow.

 

"A what? Oh. I see. Idiot. And yes I am. Are you declining?" Rodney raised an equally amused eyebrow, and John laughed out loud.

 

"Hell no! This kind of thing makes you the sub of my dreams, Rodney. Get to work!"

 

He slid his hand into Rodney's hair and took hold of it, just lightly, and that made Rodney's body tingle with pleasure. He was claimed. John was *his* top. Rodney peeled down John’s pants and boxers to release his already fully erect cock which sprang up, eagerly, without any effort at all on Rodney’s part.

 

“What can I say?” John sighed. “Just sitting in that meeting watching you stammer your way through that technical spec did it for me.”

 

“I don’t stammer. Have you ever done this before?” Rodney blew gently on John’s cock, and it quivered, satisfyingly, in response. “I mean, have a relationship with someone you work with - not, *this*, obviously,” Rodney said, nodding towards John’s cock, which was nodding back, looking somewhat crestfallen at not being in his mouth. “Because I haven’t, and I have no idea how it works.”

 

“Yes I have,” John said. “Are you making me wait, Rodney? Because I’m sure we can make up some rules about *that*.”

 

Rodney grinned, and planted a little kiss on John’s eager cock.

 

“I was just wondering how you manage it, that’s all. I’ve spent most of the morning running around the lab grinning like an idiot, thinking about what we did all day yesterday, and I was completely useless in that meeting just now. Quite frankly, it’s distracting. Does it settle down after awhile, or am I condemned to being a simpering halfwit forever?”

 

“I have no idea,” John replied with a shrug, thrusting his hips eagerly in the direction of Rodney’s mouth.

 

“But you just said you’d had relationships with people you worked with,” Rodney protested, pausing, tantalisingly, with his mouth just an inch from John’s hopeful penis.

 

“I know, but that was different.” John shrugged.

 

“How?” Rodney frowned, moving in to take the tip of John’s cock in his mouth. He could feel John’s hand, stroking his hair softly.

 

“Because I wasn’t in love with any of them,” John murmured.

 

Rodney felt his heart flip inside his chest. There it was again, the L word. He loved hearing it but it scared him too, and he was all too well aware that he hadn’t said it in return. Rodney had no frame of reference for being in love – it had never happened to him, and he had no idea what it might feel like. He could just say it, for the sake of it, but once it was said the inevitable break-up would be even more painful, and his gut twisted in response to that thought. Instead, he turned his attention to John’s cock, deciding that if he couldn’t tell his top he loved him then he could at least give him the best damn blow job in the history of the universe.

 

He adored John’s powerful cock in any case – the skin felt hot and silky, stretched over all that ramrod hard strength. Rodney dipped his head and swallowed it deep into his throat, making John yelp with pleasure. Rodney ignored his aching jaw and spent several minutes pleasuring his top’s cock, until John came with a shout and Rodney swallowed down his come. He was, he thought, gradually starting to figure out the way John liked to be blown. Everyone was different, and Rodney liked to adapt his technique accordingly. John liked a lot of attention on the very tip of his cock, and he liked Rodney to ripple his lips down over his hard shaft with exquisite slowness. Rodney cleaned up John’s spent cock, and then leaned back and gazed up at his top. John was resting against the wall of the transporter, a dreamy look in his eyes. His hand was still stroking Rodney’s hair, and he looked utterly boneless and relaxed.

 

“God that was good, Rodney,” he sighed.

 

“Thank you. Now, next time you look at me like that in meetings you know what to expect.” Rodney got up and pressed his destination into the transporter.

 

“Shit, Rodney, now that I know that I’ll do it in every single meeting!” John protested.

 

Rodney grinned. “Okay – just so long as you know that you’re the one who has to get yourself to where you need to be after.”

 

The door opened on cue and Rodney stepped out with a cheery wave of his hand in his top’s direction. John’s eyes widened with the realisation that his legs weren’t doing a good job of holding him up, and he was completely incapable of moving until the after-waves of his blissful orgasm had passed. Rodney just grinned to himself, and started walking off down the hallway.

 

“I’ll get you back, McKay!” he heard John call after him. “Damnit, you’re such Trouble.”

 

 

Rodney had never been a clock watcher, but at 5.45 he started finishing up what he was working on, and at 5.55 he was out of the door, much to the surprise of everyone in his team. Usually he was the first to arrive and the last to leave – sometimes they came to work to find he’d never even gone to his quarters the previous night, and was still working. Now though – he just wanted to get to John’s quarters, and see what his top had in store for him.

 

Much to his disappointment, John wasn’t there when he got there. Rodney sat down, then got up again and paced the room impatiently, and then sat down again. He didn’t have long to wait – John arrived a few seconds later. He walked in, went straight over to Rodney, and, without pausing, pulled him to his feet by the lapels on his lab coat and kissed him deeply. Rodney sighed and surrendered, his hands going around John’s body and coming to rest on his firm, tight ass.

 

They kissed hungrily, passionately, for several minutes and then John drew back. “Damnit I’ve been dreaming about doing that all day.” He glanced down at Rodney and then frowned. “Only, in my dreams you were completely naked. You know, I think we might have to make it a rule that when we’re alone together, you don’t wear any clothes.”

 

“Oh please. That sounds very unhygienic,” Rodney sniffed.

 

“I mean it.” John grabbed his lab coat and ripped it bodily from him. “I want access, Rodney! I want to know your body is ready and available any time I want to touch it. And besides…” he paused for a moment in unzipping Rodney’s fly, and gazed at him fondly. “I like looking at you.”

 

“What?” Rodney frowned.

 

“You heard. I like your body. I want to be able to see it as often as possible. And I want you to get used to being naked, Rodney – I want you to look more comfortable in your own skin. I saw the way you couldn’t wait to get into my bathrobe yesterday after we had sex, or to wrap a towel around your waist. I don’t want you to do that.” John unzipped Rodney’s shirt, yanked it over his head, and then pressed a kiss to Rodney’s now naked shoulder. “I want you to accept that you’re my sub and I get off on looking at you – because you look damn good, Rodney.”

 

Rodney snorted. Okay, so he was a moderately good-looking man, but he didn’t kid himself that he had the kind of sexual allure that John seemed to see in him. His body was okay – it wasn’t in brilliant shape, but it wasn’t too bad. He still wasn’t as fit as he could be, but he’d toned up a lot since coming to Atlantis, and he’d lost some weight during his recent emotional turmoil.

 

“I mean it,” John said, his hazel eyes deadly serious. “It’s not something you shrug off, Rodney. It’s our second rule. I want you to get used to being naked around me. I want you to view your body as my plaything, ready for my use any time I want to touch you, or take you. Got that?”

 

Rodney sighed, and melted against his top, finding John’s words a total turn on.

 

“Yeah,” he said, “Got it.”

 

“Good.” John kissed the side of his neck and then licked a trail down to his nipples. They were still a little sore after all the play the previous day, but John just kissed and licked them gently and Rodney relaxed and allowed his top to do whatever he wanted. John got him undressed, and then led him over to the bed.

 

“I want to take you from behind,” he said, guiding Rodney onto the mattress. Rodney shivered, excited by the idea. Up until now, John had only taken him from on top, always looking into Rodney’s eyes when they made love, reassuring him and kissing him throughout. This felt more basic, more like a top asserting his right over his sub’s body, and that sent a thrill of arousal through Rodney, making his cock quiver. He knelt on the bed, taking up the position that John guided him into. John stood behind him, and a few seconds later Rodney felt the cool caress of lube against his anus.

 

“Ssh…good boy…open up for me,” John said, in that low, throaty tone he saved just for sex. Rodney moaned, and opened up so that John could get his fingers inside him. “Oh this is such a good look for you,” John murmured. “On all fours, naked and exposed. I’m not even going to get undressed, boy. I’m going to just release my hard cock and take you like this.”

 

That excited Rodney even more, and he mewled and put his head back. He felt completely submissive like this, every inch his top’s plaything. John caressed his naked bottom for a few seconds, and then Rodney heard him undo his zip, and few seconds later he felt something big and wide rub against his opening.

 

“I’m going to take you harder this time,” John whispered. “Now you’re getting used to it. I want you to just kneel there and take me, Rodney. You know the rules – you can come when I’m done, and not before. Now open up for me.”

 

Rodney found he wasn’t tense – he even backed up a little, his ass ready and waiting, longing to feel John’s hard cock inside him, and dying to have his own release. John opened up his buttocks with his hands, and Rodney felt his cock pressing against his anus, and then John, true to his word, plunged all the way in. Rodney let out a roar, and bucked slightly, tears pricking behind his eyes from the sudden intrusion. John held his hips tight, stroking him, calming him, and then Rodney’s body adjusted and it just felt good, the way it always did.

 

John began thrusting with his hips, powerful, surging thrusts that hit some sweet spot inside Rodney unerringly every single time. He felt lost in the moment, utterly enjoying the sensation of being taken from behind by his strong top, and he threw his head back and cried out with every inward thrust, screaming out his pleasure and devotion.

 

This was his top taking him, claiming him again, reducing Rodney to a mass of molten sensation, and Rodney loved how it made him feel. Their bodies seemed to fit so perfectly together, and John’s cock felt as if it belonged here, rammed deep inside his ass, connecting their bodies together and making them move as one.

 

John’s thrusting became more urgent, and was so powerful now that Rodney wasn’t sure he could take it, and then he felt John’s hand on his own cock, and heard John growling out his name, over and over again, the way he often did whenever he came. His hand was still moving on Rodney’s cock, but again, the sound of his own name on John’s lips at his moment of orgasm did it for Rodney and he came over John’s hand a few seconds later.

 

Rodney was so zoned out by his incredible orgasm that he fell onto the bed and just lay there for the next few minutes, dead to the world. John dropped down beside him and wrapped his arms around him, and Rodney sighed, feeling utterly relaxed. There was something *too* good about the way John's clothed body felt against his own naked one. It made him feel every inch the submissive, in thrall to his top's commands, and he was surprised to realise just how much he relished feeling like this.

 

Finally, John tore himself away and got washed up, then went to get some food, while Rodney continued to just lie there, basking in the warm glow that came in the aftermath of truly great sex. When John returned Rodney got up, and reached for John's bathrobe, but that earned him a glare from John so he rolled his eyes and dropped it again.

 

"Nobody ever looks good eating naked," Rodney protested. John just grinned.

 

"You look fine. The point is, I like having you here, naked and within touching distance," he said. "And besides, it's a rule now, so shut up and sit down." He dropped a kiss on Rodney's shoulder and spidered his fingers lightly across Rodney's stomach, making Rodney giggle and give in.

 

He felt stupid sitting at the table to eat without one scrap of clothing to cover himself, but John started talking to him as if it was the most natural thing in the world for them to be sitting at the table, one naked, one clothed, eating their dinner. And if his top wanted it this way then Rodney couldn't really think of any good reasons to keep arguing about it. He supposed it would take awhile to get used to it though.

 

Rodney didn't have any particular hang-ups about his own body but he wasn't comfortable seeing so much of it on display, either. He tried to sit up and suck his stomach in, but that was impossible while he was eating and he just ended up feeling more self-conscious than ever. To cover his embarrassment he shovelled his food down his throat even faster than usual, and then looked up, aware of John's eyes on him, to see his top shaking his head.

 

"Slow down, Rodney. We have all evening," John told him. "You eat way too fast anyway."

 

"I like food," Rodney retorted.

 

"You wouldn't think it to watch you eat," John replied. "It disappears so fast it's like all you want to do is get rid of it. You could try actually tasting it. Here." He picked up a forkful of food and held it to Rodney's mouth. "Now, go slow," he said.

 

Rodney hesitated, and then opened his mouth and took the food. He saw a flash of pleasure light up John's eyes but it was matched almost immediately by the wave of panic he felt in his own belly. This was too much for Rodney. He'd been swept off his feet and now he felt out of control, in the grip of something that was overwhelming his life. He’d never seriously thought about sharing a plate with a top before – he was too obsessed with food to want to surrender that degree of control – but, even more than that, he was very well aware of what it meant to share a plate with a top. It signalled to the world that they were a couple, and in a serious relationship at that, and once they reached that point Rodney was afraid that the inevitable break-up would be more public and painful than he could stand. He chewed the mouthful of food slowly, barely tasting it.

 

"Yes, yes, very nice," he said when he was done, turning back to his own meal quickly before John could feed him another mouthful. "But the quicker we go, the sooner we can get back to the whole having hot sex thing."

 

John couldn't disagree with that logic at least, and when Rodney dropped a dollop of gravy down his naked chest a few seconds later, John got to his feet and came over to lick it off with a swirl of his tongue. One thing led to another, and before long they were back on the bed. Rodney was happier when they were having sex. It blocked out the need for him to think about the wider implications of being in what, he was rapidly coming to realise, was a full-blown relationship.

 

Rodney woke up later that night, after several hours of completely satisfying love-making, to find John's naked body pressed against his back, John's arms tight around his waist, John's breath warming his shoulder. It should have felt suffocating, but it didn't.

 

Rodney still wasn't entirely sure how all this had happened but he decided to blame it on the beach. Up until that point he'd been perfectly happy living a single life, without a top giving him orders, albeit somewhat sexy orders. Then there had been the sea, and the sand, and Colonel John Sheppard wearing an open-necked shirt with wind billowing through his dark hair, and Rodney had found himself lying on his back being kissed and since then things had happened far too quickly. The trouble was the sex was so damn good that he didn't want it to stop, but the relationship…that freaked the hell out of him. If only he could have one without the other – but would it be so good? Was it possible that it was the relationship that made the sex so satisfying?

 

Rodney lay there in the dark, gazing at the picture on the nightstand. John's parents smiled at him from it, their arms wrapped around each other much as John's were wrapped around him right now. Just because they had been happy didn't mean his relationship with John would work out but Rodney felt the weight of John's expectations radiating out from their beaming smiles.

 

"You awake?" John asked, and Rodney sighed and shifted in his arms.

 

"Yeah. Just thinking…."

 

"I thought so. The sound of you thinking is always deafening."

 

"At least there's something actually going on in my head which is more than can be said of most people," Rodney sniffed.

 

"Yeah, but when it's noisy it's usually crap. The good stuff tends to be silent," John said. Rodney frowned, wondering when John had got to know him so well.

 

"Well, regardless, I was *thinking* that I should be getting back to my own quarters."

 

"No rush," John murmured, squeezing him lightly. "Might as well stay until morning."

 

"Someone might see me," Rodney protested, but it was warm, and he liked the way John was holding him, so he didn't really want to move.

 

"So? How long do we have to keep our relationship quiet anyway?" John asked.

 

"Longer than one day, which is how long we've lasted so far!"

 

He heard John sigh behind him. "At least move some of your stuff in here," John told him. "A toothbrush, change of clothes, bathrobe…."

 

"You mean you'll actually let me wear a bathrobe? Won't that interfere with the whole being-naked thing?" Rodney asked in a mock-incredulous tone, and was rewarded for that by a little bite on the back of his neck.

 

"Move in," John said suddenly, taking Rodney by surprise. "I mean, move in properly – not just a toothbrush. All your stuff."

 

"What?" Rodney twisted in John's arms to find a pair of bright hazel eyes looking at him hopefully.

 

"I want you here, naked, every time I come home, Rodney," John told him. "I want to know I can touch you whenever I want. I want you within arm's reach all the time."

 

"I'm just down the hallway," Rodney said softly.

 

"You think I'll ever be able to sleep knowing you are just down the hallway and not in my bed?" John asked. "Seriously? I mean, after the couple of days we've just had? It's not just me, Rodney. You were the one who waylaid me in the transporter this afternoon. It's stupid to even pretend we're going to sleep apart from now on. We can still keep our relationship quiet – for as long as you want - but you might as well move in with me in the meantime."

 

Rodney gazed at John helplessly. His top's logic was sound enough, but Rodney felt a little knot of foreboding form in his stomach. This was the beginning of the end. There was no way in hell their relationship was going to survive them living together. John had no idea what he was taking on. Yet he couldn't think of a good reason to say no. So, in the end, he found himself nodding, and John grinned and kissed him on the mouth, and it was much easier to pretend he hadn't just sounded the death knell for them when he was being kissed so passionately. He could never think about anything when John was kissing him like this anyway.

 

Rodney returned to his quarters the following morning and gazed around the place. It was, he'd be the first to admit, a mess. That was another problem. John's quarters were military-neat, while Rodney's were scientist-untidy. There were books and papers and laptops strewn all around the room, to say nothing of discarded cups of coffee and the odd half-eaten donut. It was a mess, but it was *his* mess.

 

Rodney had never lived with a lover before and he didn't even know how it worked. He sat down on the side of the bed and buried his head in his hands. He didn't want to move. He *liked* his quarters damnit! They were convenient for the lab, and they were slightly larger than John's. He looked at the picture on his nightstand and sighed – John had a picture of his too-damn-perfect parents with their visibly shining love standing on his nightstand, while Rodney had a picture of his favourite cat, a big, long-haired tabby he'd had to leave behind on Earth when he'd left to come here.

 

Fluffy gazed back at him serenely, with big yellow eyes, completely oblivious to all his inner turmoil. Rodney missed his cat more than he missed his dead parents, or his estranged sister but even that said volumes about the impossibility of his relationship with John. John was someone who formed attachments to real, living, breathing people, while Rodney could honestly say that he missed Fluffy more than he missed any person back on Earth.

 

Rodney took a shower and got ready for work. He was about to walk to his lab when he got a call from Carson, who sounded very pleased with himself, asking him to report to the infirmary. He infuriatingly refused to answer any of Rodney's questions about why so Rodney trudged off in high dudgeon wondering what the hell could be so important.

 

"Well?" Rodney said when he arrived, glaring at a very bouncy looking Dr Beckett. "This had better be good, Carson because if you dragged me all the way down here just to tell me about your latest sex session with Ford then I won't be happy."

 

"You're never happy, Rodney, and when do I ever tell you about my sex life?" Carson said. Rodney frowned, but he had to admit the truth of that. He wandered over to a cage of white mice Carson kept in the lab. They weren't exactly anything like Fluffy, but Rodney had a soft spot for animals so he found himself smiling at them and poking his finger into the cage in the hopes of stroking a furry back. "I called you here because I believe you wanted to be the first to try the experimental gene therapy when it's ready?" Carson said.

 

Rodney managed to touch a pink nose, and he grinned. "Hey there, little fella," he crooned. "I do want to be the first," he said to Carson in the same breath. "But you've been working on that ATA thing for about 100 years so I'm not exactly…oh." He stood up straight and then turned, and saw the gleeful expression in Carson's eyes. "Oh shit. It's ready?"

 

"It is, yes. So…if you'd like to take a seat." Carson patted the infirmary bed and Rodney bounded over and leaped up to sit on it.

 

He'd longed to be able to activate the ancient technology that abounded in this city since he'd first arrived, and when they'd first got here it had frustrated him beyond measure that the city lit up wherever Colonel John Sheppard went, but remained resolutely silent and dark for *him*, the one person who understood her most, and knew her the best.

 

His resentment had faded somewhat in recent weeks, for obvious reasons, but it still glowed a little, deep inside. He rolled up his sleeve and then rolled his eyes as Carson took hold of his opposite arm, and rolled up that sleeve instead, and then tied a rubber strap around his arm and slapped his forearm far too heartily for Rodney's liking, to raise a vein.

 

"It's not dangerous is it?" he frowned, as Carson filled a syringe with a clear liquid from a vial.

 

"Well, we haven't exactly been able to get FDA approval," Carson began. Rodney eyed him suspiciously. "But I'm sure it's fine," Carson beamed.

 

"Wait a minute…" Rodney began, but he was too late, as Carson plunged the needle into his arm. Rodney held his breath, wondering if he was going to faint, or vomit, or come out in an ugly rash, or, worse, just expire on the spot, but he didn't feel a thing. "How long before we know if it works?" he asked, feeling a little disappointed by the lack of any dramatic response.

 

"A few hours," Carson said, still smiling that big smile. Rodney gazed at him, fighting an urge to tell Carson all his problems. Carson was his closest friend, and it felt weird keeping his relationship from John from him – and yet, he could hardly insist to John that they didn't tell anyone and then go and do just that. Still, he wished he could discuss his feelings with someone because they were driving him crazy, crashing around noisily inside his skull. "Is anything wrong, Rodney?" Carson said, frowning. "I thought you'd be excited about this."

 

"I am!" Rodney bounced off the bed. "Of course that's if it actually works and no offence, Carson, but it's not as if all that messing around with test tubes you do is an actual *science*."

 

"If you're going to insult me in my own infirmary then you can bugger off, laddie," Carson growled, still grinning.

 

Rodney did as he was told, examining the tiny pin prick in his arm as he went. Strange how he could take any number of bites during sex, or lovingly inflicted spankings, but be thrown into a state of total hypochondria by a needle mark.

 

Still, the thought of being able to use ancient technology excited him, and he walked eagerly back to his lab, thinking of things to test the new gene therapy on. At least this was a good distraction from all his worries about his relationship with John Sheppard, and the looming trauma of actually moving in with his new top.

 

~*~

 

 

"Throw me off the balcony!"

 

John stood there for a moment, gazing at his sub's gleeful face. Rodney looked ridiculously excited – he'd charged across the control room to intercept him on his way to Elizabeth's office, and was now grinning at him inanely having made his frankly bizarre request.

 

"It's tempting…but I think I'll pass," John replied.

 

"Shoot me then!" Rodney said, practically bouncing.

 

"Again, tempting, but I can think of several dozen things I'd prefer to be doing to you right now and none of them involve taking you to the infirmary," John said, shaking his head. "Now, if you want to ask me to spank you, I think I could manage *that*," he said. "And if you don't tell me what this is all about within the next ten seconds that's exactly what I'm gonna do."

 

Rodney was still grinning as he glanced around the busy room. Everybody was coming and going, and nobody was taking much notice of their conversation.

 

"*You*, Colonel I've-got-the-ancient-gene Sheppard, are no longer the only one around here who can make this place work – well, if you ignore Carson and I do because his gene isn't anywhere near as lively as yours. But, whatever, because I've got it now too! Carson injected me a few hours ago and it works! It works!"

 

Rodney did a happy dance and it was impossible for John not to laugh out loud. His sub looked so completely, ridiculously excited and full of himself. It was all John could do not to reach out and kiss him, but he was mindful of the fact that they were both on duty and the control room was bustling with people. Not that anyone would think it strange for a top to grab his sub and do any number of things to him in public, but Rodney had asked that they keep their relationship quiet and John had agreed to go along with that – for now at least.

 

"Well that's great, Rodney," John drawled. "I can see why you'd want me to throw you off the balcony in order to celebrate."

 

Rodney giggled, a sound that always went straight to John's heart. "You won't hurt me. Trust me," he said, pointing to a little green device stuck on his shirt. John gazed at it with a raised eyebrow. "It's Ancient technology – and I made it work all by myself with my new gene – well, technically it's *your* gene – weird to think of our DNA mingling - but anyway, *I* activated it."

 

"That's very exciting," John said, in a completely unexcited voice. "But I'm still not seeing why you want me to throw you over the balcony."

 

"It's a personal shield!" Rodney said gleefully, pointing at the green device again. "I already tried to stab myself, and then I got Radek to try to strangle me – something he agreed to far more readily that you I might add – and it's impossible! I'm fully protected!" He did another happy bounce. "So go on – shoot me!"

 

"Am I going to regret this?" John asked with a sigh. There was something so adorable about how excited Rodney was right now, his blue eyes shining, his feet incapable of standing still. John decided that he was rapidly turning into one of those tops so besotted by their subs that they were incapable of saying no to them.

 

"Nope!" Rodney shook his head, twirling his finger excitedly in the direction of John's gun. John drew the weapon, and pointed it, half-heartedly, at Rodney's leg.

 

"If I hurt you then you'll be in so much trouble your life won't be worth living," he said. Rodney just giggled and waved his arms around in a gesture of encouragement. John sighed again, and then squeezed the trigger. He half closed his eyes in dread, fearing that Rodney would fall down amid much howling, but instead, the bullet seemed to bounce off an invisible wall around his sub, leaving him completely unscathed. The bullet ricocheted harmlessly away and embedded itself in a nearby door.

 

"See! See!" Rodney hopped from one foot to the other in glee. "I'm Invulnerable! Nobody can touch me!"

 

John gazed at him thoughtfully for a moment, and then he broke into a grin as he realised how useful that could be. "Cool!" he said.

 

"*Now* will you throw me off the balcony?" Rodney asked, still dancing.

 

John grinned, because really, being with Rodney was many things but never, ever dull, and then he reached out a cautious hand towards his sub. His hand tingled as it made contact with the green forcefield, and it felt crackly, like he was touching electricity. He didn’t even manage to touch Rodney’s body, but by pushing, hard, against the forcefield, he managed to make Rodney topple backwards over the balcony. John looked over the edge, anxiously, just in time to see Rodney bounce harmlessly to a halt, thirty-odd feet below, completely unscathed. John ran down the stairs towards Rodney, at the same time as Elizabeth and Peter rushed up, concern etched on their faces.

 

"Rodney – are you okay? Colonel, what the hell were you thinking?" Elizabeth snapped, looking seriously pissed off. Rodney laughed out loud and started to do his happy dance again.

 

"It's okay – he didn't hurt me. Look, Beckett's gene therapy worked. I was able to activate this." He pointed at the glowing green device on his chest. "It's a, uh, personal shield. It acts like a protective skin and it must have inertial dampening properties too, because I didn't feel a thing!" he said. "Watch." He turned to Peter. "Hit me."

 

John stiffened – suddenly this whole playing around with the shield thing didn't seem like such a good idea, and he suppressed a low, involuntary growl as Peter did as Rodney had instructed. John felt a fierce protective instinct kicking in, and wanted to grab Peter and pound his face into the wall for daring to raise his hand against his sub, despite the fact that he knew this was just a game, and Rodney couldn't be harmed. A split second later, Peter's fist made contact with a bright green flash of light and he doubled over, clutching his hand.

 

"Oh god! Damnit that hurt!" he yelped, glaring at Rodney who was completely oblivious.

 

"You didn't have to swing so hard," Rodney said, grinning smugly. John thought for a moment about all those judicial spankings Peter had handed out to Rodney, and couldn't help but think that Rodney was enjoying this a little too much. "And notice he didn't even hesitate. He's as bad as Zelenka!"

 

Elizabeth looked a little amused by the fun her head scientist was having and John couldn't blame her – Rodney, in full happy sub mode would melt even the sternest top's heart.

 

"Very funny, Rodney, but I'm still trying to understand how you thought it was a good idea to test this device by having someone throw you off a balcony," she said, giving him a mock-severe look.

 

Rodney's grin widened. "Oh, believe me, that's not the first thing we tried – I got Colonel Sheppard to shoot me first."

 

"I would have expected better from you, Colonel," Elizabeth reprimanded, her eyes still sparkling. John grinned, shaking his head. They were always facing some disaster or another, and it felt good when they could laugh and joke around together for a change. This was one of the things he loved about Rodney – his sub was always the smartest guy in the room, but he had this childish side to him that chimed in well with John's own inner overgrown kid, and that made Rodney endlessly entertaining to be with.

 

"What can I say? He was very persuasive!" John rolled his eyes at Rodney.

 

"Also - invulnerable!" Rodney said, doing the happy dance again.

 

Elizabeth shook her head. "Aren't you the one who's always spouting off about how proper and careful scientific procedure must be adhered to?

 

"In-vul-nerable!" Rodney repeated in a sing-song tone.

 

Elizabeth laughed out loud. "Alright, take it off. Let's go have this meeting."

 

Rodney pouted, clearly unwilling to part with his new toy so soon, but the combined force of two tops gazing at him sternly was obviously too much for him, and he sighed, and reached for the shield…and then stopped as the forcefield around him flashed bright green. John frowned.

 

"This could be a problem," Rodney muttered, trying again. "I can't get at it."

 

He gazed helplessly at John, who felt a tide of anxiety rise in his belly. He stepped forward and reached for the shield too – only to find his path blocked by the forcefield. His hand tingled as he pushed harder, and he gave a low growl of frustration.

 

Rodney was gazing at him with horrified blue eyes. "Why can't I get it off?" he asked, panic-stricken. He tried to get his hand onto the device again but John could see that his way was completely blocked by the forcefield.

 

"I think that perhaps we need to take a trip to the infirmary," Elizabeth said.

 

"What good will that do?" Rodney asked. "This is a matter of technology – we can't expect Carson to mutter a few of his spells and incantations around me and for the damn thing to just drop off."

 

"Well, he might have some ideas – and apart from anything else, Peter's hand is going to need bandaging, courtesy of that dangerous new toy you've got there, Rodney," Elizabeth said, with a nod at where Peter was standing, still clutching his hand, a pained expression on his face. Rodney had the grace to look a little sheepish at that.

 

John walked along to the infirmary beside his sub, allowing Rodney's worried chatter to wash over him. He had worries of his own. He didn't like how this whole thing was panning out and he reached out to put a calming hand on Rodney's shoulder, to try and quieten his restless sub down, to be met by a mild flash of pain and the frustrating sizzle of the shield rebuffing his attempts to make physical contact. Rodney glanced up at him.

 

"You shouldn't do that," he said.

 

"Thank you, Rodney but clearly it was instinctive," John growled sarcastically, massaging his hand.

 

"It seems to respond to the degree of force," Rodney said, putting his scientist hat back on and musing on the issue authoritatively. "So a punch rebounds painfully, while a very slow, careful touch doesn't hurt at all - although it's still not possible to actually touch me. An unconscious touch like you just did probably just fizzes a bit."

 

"You're so lucky you're wearing that personal shield right now," John muttered darkly, his fingers itching to deliver a well-placed cuff to the back of his sub's head. Rodney gazed at him sideways from under his eyelashes.

 

"Sorry," he sighed, and all John's anger melted away again.

 

"We'll figure this out," he said firmly, because the alternative didn't bear thinking about.

 

John went and stood at the back of the infirmary, leaning against the wall, while Elizabeth explained the situation to Carson. Carson was so excited that the gene therapy worked that he didn't seem particularly concerned about Rodney's predicament. John kept quiet. He could feel all the muscles in his body tightening, and he didn't want to make anything worse by having an outburst right now. He wasn't even sure what was wrong with him, but everyone was treating this as if it was some kind of joke while he found the situation disturbing on some deep, dark level. He'd never had feelings like this before he'd fallen for Rodney, and he was still trying to figure them out.

 

So he just stood there, never taking his eyes off Rodney. It all felt so wrong. He had felt like this before, back when he'd watched Rodney being punished the first couple of times. The wrongness of it had eaten at him, because even back then, before they'd got together, he'd felt on some level that Rodney was *his* damnit. Nobody got to touch him except for him…and now, now nobody could touch Rodney at all, him included, and he found that just as frustrating.

 

Rodney was his sub, and John needed to touch him the way he needed to breathe. It wasn't just a sex thing – he wanted to put his hand on Rodney's shoulder, to kiss his sub's hair, to pull his sub's body against him and feel his skin against his own. It was more than just an urge – it felt like a biological imperative.

 

John remembered that flow of energy that seemed to pulse between them whenever their lovemaking was particularly intense, and he knew that on some level it was fed by their physical contact. If he couldn't touch Rodney then the flow was interrupted, and that made him feel queasy in the pit of his stomach. He wondered if Rodney felt the same, but Rodney looked preoccupied elsewhere at the moment.

 

"Um, just a thought here, but have you tried eating or drinking anything since you put that on? Peter asked, while Carson bandaged his hand. Rodney's eyes widened, and he grabbed a mug of coffee from the table and held it up to his lips. It flowed out onto the floor and Rodney stood there, his blue eyes horrified.

 

"This may be more serious than I suspected," Carson said, glancing at Elizabeth, and then at John, with a look of concern in his eyes. About damn time, John thought to himself. He still didn't trust himself to speak, and he noticed that Rodney was avoiding his eye.

 

"Why, thank you!" Rodney snapped. "I'm hungry already. What am I going to do? If I don't get this stupid thing off, I'll be dead by the end of the day."

 

"Relax," Carson told him. "You can live for three or four days without water."

 

"You mean I have to go without food for four long days before dying of thirst?" Rodney asked, tragically. Elizabeth gave a snort.

 

"Some Ancient technology uses a mental component for operation," Peter offered helpfully.

 

"Yes, yes it does!" Rodney snapped his fingers excitedly. "Shut up everyone! I'm thinking!"

They all watched as Rodney screwed up his face and concentrated hard, but the device on his chest remained resolutely in place. "I'm a dead man," Rodney sighed, his shoulders falling into a dejected slump.

 

"Not so fast, Rodney," Elizabeth said. "I don't believe the Ancients would deliberately create a personal shield that would kill you, do you? It doesn't make any sense."

 

"It could be as a result of artificially imposing the gene," Carson said. "Damnit, maybe this is all my fault."

 

"Or maybe – it *does* require a mental component," Elizabeth mused. "And the reason it won't turn off is because Rodney doesn't really want it to."

 

"What do you mean? Of course I want it to!" Rodney protested. "I don't want to starve to death!"

 

"Rodney, we're way out here in a strange galaxy, in the middle of a battle with scary life-sucking aliens," Elizabeth told him. "You could be forgiven for not feeling safe. Maybe the shield is picking up on that, and *that* is why it won't deactivate."

 

"I don't think so," Rodney said. "I mean, yes to all that, but it's not like I lie awake at night worrying about the Wraith. They're not on my mind the whole time."

 

"Is there anything else that's worrying you?" Carson asked. "Anything that you feel you need protecting from?"

 

Rodney hesitated, and for just a split second his gaze flickered in John's direction; John felt as if he'd been physically punched in the gut.

 

"No," Rodney said softly. "I can't think of anything."

 

John started walking, his legs working on automatic. There was no way in hell he was going to hang around here a second longer. He needed to get out, needed to get some damn air in his lungs because he was finding it hard to breathe right now.

 

He got into the hallway and started running and that felt better, the way it always did. He ran back to his quarters, burst inside, locked the door, and then opened his window and stepped out onto the balcony, taking long, deep gulps of air, trying to get control of himself. All he could think about was the expression in Rodney's eyes for that split second he'd looked at him, and his stomach churned. He heard a sound behind him and whirled around, annoyed, knowing he'd locked the door, and he saw Rodney standing there, a scared look on his face.

 

"How did you get in?" John snarled.

 

"You, uh…programmed the door to let me in, remember?" Rodney said, taking a step towards him.

 

"I can see why that would scare you enough to feel you need Ancient protection," John said sarcastically. Rodney stopped in his tracks, and winced.

 

"It's not like that," he protested.

 

"I have never forced a sub in my life!" John yelled, losing what last degree of control he had. "I've done nothing to you – nothing – that would make you feel you needed to be protected from me."

 

"You're getting it all wrong…" Rodney said, flustered.

 

"I thought you trusted me! You said you trusted me. How many more goddamn lies were you telling me, Rodney? Were you just using me to keep Bates away?"

 

"No." Rodney's face was pinched and white, and his mouth settled into that thin line and his jaw jutted out the way it always did when he was refuting something. "I *do* trust you, John. You have to believe that."

 

"Yeah – that would explain why you need *this* to keep me at bay," John said, gesturing at the device on Rodney's chest, his voice half-way between a bitter laugh and a low growl.

 

"It's not you I don't trust. It's me," Rodney said quietly, and that punctured John's mood, just as he was about to launch into another tirade.

 

"What?"

 

"It's me." Rodney sat down on the side of the bed, still white-faced, his fingers moving nervously, more restless than John had ever seen them. "I don't trust me. I don't trust myself not to screw this – us – up, John. I've never had a relationship before, and suddenly you appear out of nowhere and you want me in a way nobody has ever wanted me before. Damnit you even want to live with me."

 

John took a deep breath, and then another one, and felt himself starting to calm down.

 

"If you didn't want to move in then you only had to say so," he muttered.

 

"I wanted to please you," Rodney whispered pathetically. "I just can't see any way this can work."

 

John felt that knot of anxiety form in the pit of his stomach again. "Why the hell not?" he demanded.

 

"Because of them!" Rodney pointed at the picture of Adam and Gil on the nightstand. John shook his head, frowning.

 

"What the hell have my parents got to do with this?"

 

"Everything! They stand there in their bright, shiny love, smiling out at the world with beneficence, perfect in their loving lifebond, and they're your bloody role model for relationships!" Rodney snapped. "I can't live up to that. I'm messy and difficult and people don't like me – which is fine because I don't like people much. I'll be crap in terms of your career. Can you imagine introducing me to some stupid bigwig General? If he was an imbecile I'd tell him so – and you could wave goodbye to whatever promotion you had your heart set on. I could take you anywhere and you'd charm the pants off everyone but it isn't the same the other way around, and you know it. I'm not the kind of sub that tops like you end up with, and that hurts damnit because I like you, and I want to end up with you. It's just never going to work."

 

Rodney raised his chin defiantly, and gazed at John. John stared back at him, completely winded.

 

"And you were going to tell me all this when?" he asked quietly.

 

"I don't know. Probably after we broke up," Rodney said. "Or, more likely, during actually breaking up. I'd get drunk and insult your parents, and we'd have a big argument, and I'd give you all the reasons why it wasn't going to work anyway and walk out."

 

"You were thinking this all the time? When we were making love…." John shook his head, unable to take that in.

 

"Not when we were making love, no," Rodney replied. "Because mainly when we were making love all I was thinking was 'mmmmm' and 'oh god'. I was thinking it in those few seconds over the past couple of days when we haven't been rutting like rabbits."

 

"If you felt like that then why were you with me at all? It wasn't all just about sex for you. I know that," John told him. "Nobody could fake the way you reacted when I took you that first time, you least of all, with that terrible poker face you have."

 

"It wasn't just about the sex, no," Rodney sighed. "The sex was fantastic and stopped me being able to think straight. If I'd been thinking straight I'd have known it wasn't ever going to work."

 

There was silence for a moment. John gazed at his hands, trying to get his head around all this. A few hours ago he'd been happier than he'd ever been in his life – and now…now he thought it was entirely possible that he was angrier than he'd ever been in his life.

 

"You're wrong about my parents. They would have liked you," John said eventually.

 

Rodney snorted. "They would have hated me. Their precious only son, their golden boy with the big, bright military career, falling for a cranky, opinionated scientist."

 

"They just wanted me to be happy." John shrugged and sat down on the chair opposite Rodney.

 

"You're presuming I can make you happy. I can't," Rodney told him firmly.

 

"You're presuming I don't know exactly what you're like and what I'm getting into. I do," John replied, equally firmly.

 

Rodney shook his head, and that make John feel even angrier for some reason.

 

"You want me to make this easy for you?" he snapped. "You want me to back off so that you feel safe enough for that shield to drop off? So you can go back to leading that lonely, fucked-up life you were leading before I came along? Well, I'm sorry, Rodney, but it's not going to work like that. I accept that you trust me. I also accept that you have zero expectations of relationships because your parents lived such a fucked-up existence, but that doesn't have to ruin your life. I trust you, Rodney. You say all the wrong things but do all the right things. I have trust enough for both of us, and I trust you not to screw up what we have."

 

Rodney gazed at him, looking startled.

 

"You still want me?" he said. "I mean, even after insulting…" he nodded with his head in the direction of the photo on the nightstand. John rolled his eyes.

 

"Oh for god's sake – one argument doesn't mean a damn thing. You're my sub, and I love you, and while I might be mad as hell with you right now there is no way I'm giving up on us this easily."

 

"Really?

 

"Really." John stood up. "But I can't be around you while you're wearing that shield, Rodney, because I swear that seeing you and not being able to touch you is screwing with my mind."

 

He felt his hands curl into fists at his side. He wanted to grab Rodney, and kiss some sense into him, and he knew that if he could do it, then it would work, but he also knew that it was a short-term solution. Rodney's self-doubt would always come back to haunt them both unless he dealt with it now, once and for all.

 

"You have to figure this out for yourself. I can't do it for you. Somehow you have to learn to trust yourself enough to give this a try, or you have to end it. And it would seem that you have about four days to figure out which it's gonna be. No pressure." John gave an ironic little half-smile, and then started walking towards the door.

 

"Where are you going?" Rodney asked, a note of panic in his voice.

 

"Anywhere you're not," John told him firmly.

 

"John…wait - I'm sorry." Rodney hopped after him and reached out a hand, and John felt that now familiar fizz from the personal shield, obstructing any physical contact.

 

"I want you, Rodney," he said, fiercely, turning and glaring at his sub. "I want you right now. I want to grab you and kiss you but I can't, and that makes me so angry that I can't be around you. You have no idea what it's like for me – you're my *sub*. You're mine and I want to touch you. I don't mean sex, although hell, that's been damn good between us – the best I've ever had. But I mean touching you. Just…doing this…."

 

He held up his hand and reached out, his fingers caressing the air just to the side of Rodney's head, the forcefield flashing green under his fingertips.

 

"It feels…wrong." He fought down a powerful sensation of dislocation, of something being so wrong that it physically hurt. "Don't you feel it too?" he said and Rodney nodded, a scared look in his eyes. "Remember sometimes when we make love? That…*thing* that happens between us, like there's some kind of umbilical cord connecting us to each other, and some kind of energy flows along it, warm and sweet like honey, back and forth?" Rodney nodded again, his eyes as wide as saucers. "Well, right now it feels like that cord has been blocked, and none of that energy can get through. That makes me feel like I have an open wound in my belly, and seeing you and not being able to touch you is like having a knife twisted in that wound. Do you understand now?"

 

Rodney bit on his lip, and nodded again.

 

"Good. Because this is about what's going on in your head, not mine. So figure it out, Rodney," John told him, in a low, brusque tone, and with that he slammed his hand on the door sensor, then stalked out into the hallway, leaving Rodney behind.

 

---

 

Part Thirteen: Shadows

 

Rodney stood in the doorway, gazing after John until he was long gone. Only the rumbling of his stomach finally roused him, and he glared at the little green device on his chest, hating it.

 

"I'm starving," he told it reproachfully. "And I've just pissed off the best thing that ever happened to me and both of those things are your fault."

 

He went and sat down on the bed, needing to think this through – which would have been easier if he wasn't so damn hungry.

 

He honestly hadn't meant to let John think he was responsible for the shield – he was the best top Rodney had ever known but then that was part of the problem. Rodney had never expected to fall in love, and it didn't fit into the plans he’d always had for himself and his life. He simply had no frame of reference for it – he didn’t even know what he was feeling, just that he was extremely confused. And now, to make things worse, he either had to decide he was in the relationship or end it – because the only alternative was starving to death and he wasn't particularly keen on that as an option.

 

Rodney glanced around the room – it was so neat and tidy – so *John*, with the Johnny Cash poster hanging on the wall, and the copy of 'War and Peace' on the nightstand, next to the photo of John's parents. Rodney wondered what, apart from fantastic sex, he and John had in common. He had no interest in Tolstoy and had never listened to a Johnny Cash song in his life. Besides, he was a scientist and John was in the military – although even Rodney had to concede that John was surprisingly smart for a knucklehead.

 

"I do want him," he told the shield, gazing at it pathetically. It didn't even fade the tiniest bit. Rodney sighed. "How can I convince you?" he asked it.

 

He remembered what John had said about that warm, sweet energy that flowed between them when they were having sex, and he knew exactly what John meant about it being interrupted now they were no longer able to touch. His fingers longed to feel John's skin again – but somehow that wasn't enough to overcome his inner fears.

 

Rodney decided to do what he did best in any circumstances relating to his emotional life – he went back to work, and tried to ignore it. It was impossible to ignore his physical condition though – he was hungry and thirsty, and he was dreading his hypoglycaemia kicking in.

 

He gave up after an hour or so – his brain was too fuzzy to work, and he kept making mistakes. He had to *do* something. He wandered along the hallway to the rest room where his lab staff often went to take coffee breaks; he could at least smell the coffee even if he couldn't taste it.

 

He found Miko sitting there, sipping a cup of green tea while flipping through some schematics on her laptop. One of her subs, a sweet, pretty botanist who he thought was called Katie Brown, was kneeling at Miko's feet, reading a magazine.

 

Miko gazed up at him with adoring brown eyes as he entered. She seemed to have some kind of a crush on his brain, Rodney had decided – she always looked at him dotingly whenever he was being particularly brilliant, and he enjoyed it far too much to discourage it. He had occasionally wondered how someone so seemingly meek and mild could be such a demon top that she had attracted three subs, but it was well known around the base that she had two botanists and one marine in her little harem. She'd earned herself the nickname ‘Dragon Lady’ as a result, and she did have a very fine pair of shiny PVC boots Rodney thought to himself, admiring them in passing as he went to stand and inhale the coffee.

 

Rodney glanced at Katie while he stood there. She seemed very content in her submission, and occasionally Miko would reach out a hand and stroke her sub's shiny auburn hair, and Katie would lower her head and bestow a little lick on her top’s shiny boots. It was really quite sweet. Rodney's gaze turned to the magazine that Katie was reading – it looked like one of those trashy rags that he generally despised, obsessed with sex and how to get the top or sub of your dreams into bed and keep them there. Rodney had little interest in that kind of nonsense, but right now he was a desperate man, faced with a whole new world of complex emotional relationships - and as this magazine seemed utterly obsessed with just that topic he found himself craning his head to take a look over her shoulder.

 

"Top Ten Tips to Tease Your Top!" screamed the header. Rodney winced.

 

"I think there's such a thing as too much alliteration," he muttered. Katie glanced up at him, startled. "Although…" Rodney turned his head on one side. "Is that even anatomically possible?" he asked.

 

"Dr McKay would like to read, yes?" Miko inclined her head at the magazine. "Katie, please allow the great doctor to have your magazine," she ordered. Katie handed it over, smiling, looking as if nothing pleased her more than obeying her top's every command, even if that did mean surrendering her magazine.

 

"No, that's okay, I was just looking," Rodney said quickly, but it was too late. Miko was going into one of her elaborate bowing rituals, and it would have offended her if he'd refused. Katie genuinely didn't seem to mind - and he could always return the magazine to her later. So Rodney took the magazine with a sigh, tried to make the appropriate bowing gestures in return, and then turned and fled. He took the magazine back to his quarters – if nothing else it might be a good source of distraction, and he didn't want anyone to catch him reading it.

 

"Subs in a spin – how to tell if your sub needs taking down," he read. "Oh for god's sake! Who writes this drivel?" He kept on reading anyway, seeking enlightenment. "Oh god, these people give subs a bad name," he sighed, after reading one article too many. "And the tops aren't much better."

 

He found an article entitled, "Learning to love a stern top." It told the story of someone called Simon who loved his top, Denise, outside of the bedroom but found her too strict during sex. It all ended happily with Simon learning to embrace his submission, and Denise rewarding him with seemingly endless amounts of hot sex. Rodney turned the page, irritated beyond belief.

 

The advice column wasn't much better. “Oh for god’s sake! These aren’t real problems!” Rodney berated the magazine. "How about something useful, like: Dear Cosmo, I'm a genius, I live in another galaxy, and I currently have about four days to live unless I can figure out my fucked up feelings. Please advise." Rodney made a face. "Yeah, somehow I don't think you've ever come across that one before."

 

He threw the magazine onto the floor – it was making his stomach churn and he didn't want to add to his stomach's problems. The lights flickered. and Rodney glanced up, frowning, wondering if there was a problem with the power supply, but he didn't have a chance to investigate further because at that moment the door chimed. Rodney opened it – and his stomach lurched when he found John standing there.

 

"Can I come in?" John asked, in a strained voice. Rodney nodded, and stood to one side. "I'm sorry about earlier. I was…" John's gaze fell on the magazine. "Cosmo? You're reading Cosmo?" he asked, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

 

"Ha ha, yes, very funny," Rodney said sourly, booting the offending magazine under the bed so it was out of sight. "A copy of it came into my hands, and I thought it might have some advice."

 

"Really?" John made a face, and Rodney sighed.

 

"Yes, that's how desperate I am," he replied forlornly.

 

"And did it?" John looked like he was trying hard not to laugh.

 

"Nope. It's mainly obsessed with things you can do in bed, and seeing as the sex between us is pretty damn fantastic already it's not much help. Although if I ever do get this thing off my chest then there's something really hot I can do to you involving whipped cream. Apparently."

 

"I can't wait." John grinned, and then his expression changed. "So, no luck with the shield then?"

 

"No." Rodney shrugged.

 

"Right." John stood there for a moment. "Look, Rodney, what I said earlier – I was angry. This problem isn't just yours – it's mine too, and if there's anyway I can help then I will."

 

"I know that," Rodney said softly. "But thanks."

 

"Usually after a big argument there's great make-up sex but…" John nodded at the personal shield, and made a helpless gesture with his arms.

 

"Yeah." Rodney gave a wan smile.

 

He sat down wearily at the table, feeling weak. Damnit he wanted to have something to eat, and he wanted to have sex, and he would quite happily do both at the same time if only he could. John sat down beside him.

 

"I've never read Tolstoy," Rodney told him. John gazed at him quizzically, and then realisation set in.

 

"Oh. Neither have I," he said. "I just brought that book along for something to read. I haven't got beyond page seventeen yet. You know, I was thinking – this whole thing is about honesty, Rodney. You don't want to move in with me – that's fine. I was just thinking it'd be more convenient but it freaked you out. I don't mind if you're not there yet. I just need you to be honest with me about whatever you're thinking and feeling."

 

"Sounds like a plan." Rodney nodded, and then gazed at his shield expectantly. "Still not working though," he said, when the shield continued to glow greenly in response.

 

John glanced around the room. "Man, you *are* messy," he said, with a wry grin. "So, that's another reason for not rushing into this. In fact, I'd kind of appreciate it if you took your time."

 

Rodney gave a snort.

 

"You know – this whole thing with the shield might be for the best," John told him. Rodney raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "What I mean is – we've been having a lot of great sex but maybe at the expense of talking."

 

"Oh god. You've been reading that magazine haven't you?" Rodney sighed, rolling his eyes in the general direction of the bed. "It's obsessed with communication. Did you know that Simon learned to love his submission once he had a conversation with Denise about helping him find his subspace? Up until then he'd faked it, and she'd been waving her whip around too hard too soon so sex was becoming an ordeal for him. But once they sat down and talked about it they lived happily ever after."

 

"There see – so it's not impossible," John grinned. "Living happily ever after I mean," he murmured softly. Rodney sighed, and rested his hand on the table, thrumming lightly with his fingers.

 

"I don't know," he said.

 

"I do." John put his hand on the table beside Rodney's, as close as it could go. The forcefield glowed green. Rodney gazed at that hand, longing for real, physical contact, wanting John so much that it hurt but it made no difference –the shield remained resolutely switched on.

 

At that moment Rodney's radio buzzed, and he reached up a hand to activate it.

 

"Rodney – we've got some strange power fluctuations in the city," Peter told him.

 

"Where are they coming from?" Rodney got up, glancing at John who fell into step beside him as they made for the door.

 

"They started on the lower level about half an hour ago, and since then…."

 

"Half an hour ago – I noticed the lights flickering in my quarters. What else happened half an hour ago?" Rodney demanded, reaching the end of the hallway, and taking the stairs two at a time.

 

"What do you mean?" Peter asked. Rodney reached the control room, and vaulted over a crouching technician to reach Peter's work station…then held onto the console, wishing he hadn't done that as his head swam. John reached out a hand to steady him, but couldn't do anything other than hover nearby, arm outstretched, unable to touch Rodney.

 

"I mean…" Rodney said, when he regained his balance, "that if the power started fluctuating half an hour ago then it's very likely that something *happened* half an hour ago to cause it. Radek?" He tapped his radio and Radek's voice sounded in his ear.

 

"I know, I know! There are power fluctuations - but it is not anything we are working on down here!" Radek told him.

 

"Nobody's working on something that could have caused this?" Rodney asked, frowning.

 

"No," Radek assured him. Rodney turned to John.

 

"What about your people? What have they been doing today?" he asked.

 

"Well, I sent Hicks out with his team to explore the east section of the city. We haven't been in all the rooms over there yet, and I wanted to check them out."

 

"Did they come back okay?" Rodney asked.

 

"Fine. They reported in just before I came to see you."

 

"But they're marines so I expect they blundered around the place, opening doors and boxes and…oh shit. Get Hicks up here and ask him if he opened any boxes," Rodney snapped.

 

"They're under strict instructions not to open anything without a scientist being present," John said. “It was just a recon mission.”

 

"Yeah, well, no offence, Colonel, but they're not exactly the smartest circuits in the system so who knows if they even understood the order," Rodney growled.

 

John gave Rodney the faintest hint of a glare but tapped on his radio all the same, while Rodney sat at the workstation, his hands moving at the speed of light over the console.

 

“Power outages are occurring all over the city but they seem to be linked to massive energy dips in the lower eastern part of the city,” Rodney said, a few minutes later.

 

He glanced up, to see Hicks coming to stand smartly to attention in front of John. There was a little flush on Hicks’s pale skin, and he gazed at his commanding officer with a look of abject adoration that made Rodney’s blood boil.

 

“What the hell did you do down there?” he demanded of the young man, more annoyed about the way Hicks was looking at John than the fact that he suspected the idiot had screwed up his beloved city.

 

“Uh…we just followed orders. We looked in the rooms to see if the Ancients left anything around but mainly we’re still just mapping,” Hicks stammered, glancing at Rodney fearfully. Rodney glowed a little – he liked it when the marines were scared of him, and he especially liked that Hicks was scared of him – if he looked at John like that again then he’d have *reason* to be scared of him.

 

“Did you open anything – or even just move anything?” Rodney asked. Hicks hesitated. “Come on, quickly – we’ve got a crisis here which is almost certainly of your making.” Rodney snapped his fingers, unsettling the marine, whose face went a deeper shade of crimson red.

 

“Uh, I’ll take it from here, Rodney,” John said, shooting him a look. “It’s okay, Hicks. We don’t know if you caused this problem or not - we just need to get to the bottom of it,” he said soothingly. Rodney rolled his eyes.

 

“We did move some boxes yes, sir. I don’t think we opened anything – if we did then it was by accident but I recall that we did knock over some storage containers by mistake so it’s possible….”

 

“Aha. As I thought,” Rodney announced grimly. Hicks looked as if he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him.

 

“Alright,” John tapped on his radio. “Teyla and Ford meet me down on the lower east side. Hicks – you’re with me.”

 

“What – you’re going down there?” Rodney said, feeling panicked. “And with *him*?”

 

John raised an eyebrow, and Rodney flushed and shrugged. “Okay. Fine. But, you know. Watch your back. You don’t know what might be down there.” He gave Hicks a vicious glare as he said that, and the sergeant stumbled backwards slightly from the force of it. Rodney gave a triumphant little smile and turned back to his work.

 

“And take a camera with you,” he shouted after them. “Send me back live footage. I’ll see if I can get the power grid working again from here.”

 

Rodney turned his attention back to the console, working hard to see if he could track down the source of the fluctuations. Something, somewhere, seemed to be literally sucking the power dry, and two of the naquada generators on the lower east side were already completely drained of energy.

 

A few minutes later he started receiving the pictures John and Hicks were sending back. It was creepy watching the camera pan cautiously down the dark, lower hallways. Rodney worked on the power grid manically, one eye on the footage that was being sent back.

 

John had sent Teyla and Ford up to the higher levels, while he and Hicks continued to explore the lower levels, and for awhile there was nothing, just the sounds of the two men walking…and then, suddenly, the screen became a blur of motion.

 

“Hicks…move! Shit…move, move…what *is* that?” John’s voice.

 

Rodney looked up sharply, his heart suddenly in his mouth. He saw a massive, moving black shadow filling the screen, and then he heard the sound of someone screaming. Both the camera and radio went dead at the same time.

 

“Colonel Sheppard? John?!” Rodney called, but there was no reply – only static from the radio. Rodney was barely aware he was moving yet suddenly found himself running full pelt across the control room in the direction of the nearest transporter. “Get Carson down there. Now!” he yelled at Peter as he ran.

 

Rodney didn’t even think about the weird black shadow creature he’d seen just before the footage went dead. He wasn’t thinking about anything except John as he ran out of the transporter on the lower east level, and down the hallways towards their last known destination. He rounded a corner, and came to a skidding halt as he saw two bodies lying on the ground at one end of the hallway. He walked slowly towards them, his heart pounding in his chest, less afraid that the black shadow creature might still be lurking nearby than that John might be dead.

 

“John,” he whispered as he got close. One of the men moved, moaning softly, and Rodney hurried along the last section of the hallway to see who it was. The moaning man turned out to be Hicks - his pale skin was now a dark red, as if he’d suffered some kind of extreme sunburn, but he didn't look injured apart from that. Rodney barely spared him a glance as he went on towards the other, silent figure.

 

“John?” Rodney knelt down beside his top. John was out cold, his face un-naturally pale, and Rodney couldn’t even tell if he was breathing. One outstretched hand was as burned as Hicks was. Rodney tapped on his radio, urgently. “Carson – where the hell are you?” he demanded.

 

“On our way – we’ll be there in a few minutes. What’s the damage?” Carson asked.

 

“It’s Sheppard – he’s down and I can’t tell if he’s breathing,” Rodney said desperately.

 

“Take his pulse – if he’s not breathing administer CPR,” Carson told him, and then the radio went dead.

 

Carson had clearly forgotten about his current predicament. Rodney glanced at the shield on his chest, and then at John, lying there, possibly dead, and needing medical assistance fast. Rodney didn’t even hesitate. He reached out a hand towards John’s neck, and the shield winked out immediately and fell off his chest to land harmlessly on the floor. Rodney found a pulse - strong and steady - and he breathed a sigh of relief.

 

“You're not dead so wake up, damn you,” he said, cradling John’s head in his hands. John’s eyelids fluttered open, and he gazed around, blankly, and then his hazel eyes fixed on Rodney, and he gave a wry grin.

 

“Hey,” he muttered. “What happened?”

 

“You had a fight with a weird, energy-sucking, black shadow thing,” Rodney told him. “You lost.”

 

“Yeah. Feels that way. Hicks?” John sat up, with a wince.

 

“He’s down too but he’s moving so I guess he’ll be okay. Your hide must be thicker than his because he’s looking like he just spent ten hours in the desert without sunscreen, while you actually look kind of pale,” Rodney frowned.

 

“I went down and knocked my head – that thing, whatever it was, just winged me but it completely enveloped Hicks,” John said, trying to move towards the sergeant. He went even paler, and stopped, then retched onto the floor.

 

“You said you knocked your head?” Rodney grabbed John’s head and dug his fingers in, searching for a wound.

 

“Ow – shit, Rodney, that hurts. And…is there something you wanted to tell me?”

 

John glanced at Rodney’s chest, now without the personal shield, and then up at Rodney, a broad grin on his face. Rodney rolled his eyes.

 

“Carson said you might need CPR,” he admitted feebly. "Hard to do that if you can't touch someone."

 

“Aw. You were worried about me. You love me,” John told him, still grinning inanely. “Admit it.”

 

“I was simply concerned that my only source of hot sex was about to expire,” Rodney replied with a snort. John just continued grinning at him. “Oh shut up,” Rodney said, grabbing the fallen shield and stuffing it into his pocket.

 

At that moment Carson appeared with what appeared to be half the base’s medical staff, and Rodney was pushed out of the way. He took a step back, still hovering anxiously, and ran straight into a somewhat belated Ford and Teyla.

 

"Where the hell were you two?" Rodney snapped at them.

 

"The creature trapped us in the upper levels," Teyla told him, glancing anxiously over his shoulder at John. "Is the colonel going to be alright?"

 

"Well he's breathing and talking but beyond that I have no idea," Rodney replied, still glaring at them. He turned back and forced his way into the melee around his top. Carson was busy loading the two injured men onto gurneys, and Rodney didn't even get close enough to touch John.

 

"I'm fine," John told him, over Carson's shoulder. "And we do still have a crisis situation, Rodney. Go do your job."

 

Rodney glared at him for a moment, but John didn't seem to be in any immediate danger so he reluctantly returned to the control room, to try and figure out a way to trap the energy-hungry black shadow that was currently stalking the Atlantean hallways.

 

~*~

 

 

John submitted to Carson's attention for just long enough to satisfy the doctor that no permanent damage had been done, and to find out that Hicks was going to be okay, and then he ran out of the infirmary. He didn't like hanging around when there was the possibility that his city – and his sub – were both in danger.

 

"Where are we at?" he asked, arriving in the control room to find Elizabeth, Rodney and Peter standing there, having an urgent discussion.

 

"This thing, whatever it is, was kept in a containment box," Rodney told him, speaking even faster than usual. "The Ancients clearly knew it was dangerous so they kept it nicely locked up for ten thousand years and that's where it would have stayed if your men hadn't released it. Right now it's having a feeding frenzy on our systems."

 

"So shut them down," John said.

 

"Humans emit energy too," Elizabeth said softly. "If we shut down the systems it'll come after us."

 

"And, as it's getting stronger from all the power its consumed, I can assure you that the next person who tangles with it won't just end up with a bad case of sunburn or a mild concussion," Rodney said, in an exasperated tone.

 

"So we thought we'd try and lure it here, and send it through the stargate," Peter added.

 

"Which is a bad idea on many levels," Rodney said, rolling his eyes.

 

"Do you have a better idea?" John asked.

 

"No. Which is why we're going with the bad one." Rodney nodded his head at the M.A.L.P standing in front of the stargate. "We've loaded that up with a naquada generator to attract it here. We're going to shut down the other systems and try and get it to chase after that onto a barren world."

 

"Okay. Let's get to it people," Elizabeth said. "Rodney – dial up the stargate."

 

John pressed a button on the M.A.L.P to set it moving and then he chased up the stairs after the others, and watched as the black shadow entity filled the room below.

 

The hairs on the back of his neck were standing on end as he sensed the sizzle of power that the thing below was emitting. There was something so all-encompassing about that inky blackness, and it was now three times the size it had been when he'd met it in the hallway earlier. Now it had gorged itself on even more naquada energy, and was pulsating as it undulated across the room towards the M.A.L.P. and completely enveloped it. The M.A.L.P, which had been trundling towards the gate, suddenly stopped moving.

 

"Oh no," Rodney said. "Oh shit. That thing could be feeding off the generator, or off the Stargate. I mean, this is a disaster."

 

John watched, helpless, as the black shadow creature swelled. If it *was* feeding off the stargate then it would bleed the city dry, and then they'd be well and truly screwed.

 

He was so lost in this train of thought that he didn't notice Rodney taking the shield out of his pocket, sticking it on his chest, and activating it. The darkness had spread so far by this point that the first he realised what was happening was when he caught a glimpse of his sub walking down the stairs, a stubborn set to his shoulders.

 

"Rodney!" John yelled, running out of the control room, and towards the encroaching darkness, but he was too late, and could only watch as Rodney walked into the darkness, the green forcefield flickering around him. John wasn't a scientist but he doubted Rodney would have long before that creature sucked all the energy out of the shield.

 

He ran down the stairs, and was dimly able to make out Rodney grabbing the naquada generator from the M.A.L.P and throwing it through the open stargate. The black shadow followed the generator through and someone, presumably Peter, closed the gate immediately behind it.

 

As the darkness lifted, the first thing John saw was Rodney, lying on the floor, pale and lifeless, and John felt his stomach clench. He gasped for air, and then struggled to run the remaining few steps to his sub's side.

 

"Rodney." John crouched down beside his sub and rested a gentle hand against Rodney's throat. "Damnit, Rodney, wake up so I can tan your hide for doing something so stupid," he hissed in an undertone.

 

Rodney didn't move, and John looked around, seeking help. Elizabeth and Peter reached them, and Elizabeth crouched down beside Rodney and touched the shield on Rodney's chest. John bit back a low growl.

 

"The power must have been drained by the entity," Peter said grimly.

 

John couldn't take his eyes off Rodney, still lying there, his face pale. He reached up and slammed his hand onto his radio. "Carson, get a medical team to the gateroom. NOW!" he yelled.

 

"It's okay. He's not burned. He's breathing," Elizabeth said softly. "Rodney?"

 

Rodney opened his eyes, and John knelt back on his heels, struggling with the strength of the emotions coursing through his body.

 

"What happened?" Rodney muttered.

 

"You did it," Elizabeth told him, smiling down at him. "It went through the gate."

 

"You passed out," Peter told him. "Being brave and heroic exhausted you."

 

"Ha ha," Rodney muttered, getting to his feet. Peter reached out a hand to steady Rodney's elbow, and John growled again. "I'm fine," Rodney said, shaking off Peter's hand. "Just a bit dizzy."

 

John just stood there, trying to get himself under control. His feelings were spiralling away from him, and he felt crowded out.

 

"I'll take him to the infirmary," he said, in a low tone, just barely holding onto his emotions. Elizabeth shot him a surprised look.

 

"Carson's on his way," she reminded him.

 

"So call him and tell him to go back. I'll bring Rodney to him," John said, just wanting to get his sub out from here, to get him alone and away from all these enquiring faces and people who seemed to think it was okay to maul him.

 

John struggled to get a grip on himself but he realised he was fighting a losing battle while all these people were around. He needed to have Rodney to himself, to satisfy himself that his sub was okay.

 

He took hold of Rodney's arm, and helped him down the stairs and away from the gate room. He didn't trust himself to speak to his sub – all he could think about was how Rodney had looked, pale and lifeless, lying on the floor, and how, for a couple of minutes, he'd thought he was dead. John tightened his grasp on Rodney's arm, and Rodney gazed up at him, a puzzled look in his blue eyes.

 

"That hurts," he said. John loosened his grip a fraction. "I'm okay," Rodney said. John just shook his head, still unable to speak. "John…I'm fine. I just passed out. I don't even need to see Carson," Rodney told him.

 

"You'll see Carson," John growled.

 

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Rodney demanded.

 

John closed his eyes momentarily, and saw Rodney running away from him into an inky black darkness, and he couldn't find a reply.

 

They reached the infirmary to find Carson waiting for them, an anxious look on his face.

 

"Are you okay, Rodney?" he asked.

 

"I'm fine. I was incredibly brave and noble though," Rodney told him.

 

"Elizabeth told me you walked straight into that creature," Carson said. "That IS pretty brave and noble, Rodney."

 

John stood there, his hand still gripping Rodney's arm tightly, unwilling to ever let his sub go again.

 

"Uh, Colonel Sheppard – if I'm going to examine Rodney you'll need to let go of his arm," Carson said.

 

The words somehow penetrated the fog that was enveloping John's brain, and he took a deep breath, and forced himself to release his grip on Rodney's arm.

 

"I could have died!" Rodney said proudly to Carson. "I mean, yes, I had the personal shield, but I knew I didn't have long before that thing sucked all the power out of it."

 

"You're truly a hero, laddie," Carson said, rolling his eyes slightly in John's direction.

 

"I had no idea whether the shield would protect me at all!” Rodney babbled. Carson grinned at him.

 

"Come and sit on the bed, Rodney, and let me see if there's been any damage," he said, and as he spoke, he reached out a hand and cupped Rodney's elbow, guiding him over to the bed.

 

It was all too much for John. He'd had to endure the distress of not being able to touch Rodney while he'd been wearing that damn shield, and then he'd been forced to watch his sub almost die, and people had been standing over Rodney, casually putting their hands on him as if they owned him, and now…now Carson was touching him without even looking in John's general direction to make sure that was okay. John's emotions spilled over to the point where he couldn't control them any more.

 

"Get your damn hands off him!" he snarled, grabbing hold of Carson and throwing him back against the wall.

 

"Easy, laddie," Carson gasped, John's hand tight around his throat. "It's okay. I'm just going to examine him."

 

"John? What the hell are you doing?" Rodney's eyes swam into his field of vision, blue and shocked, and it was like someone had poured cold water over him.

 

John released Carson, and then turned and ran out of the infirmary. He made it to the south-west pier and then stopped, leaned over the balcony, and threw up into the water below. He spilled his guts and then sprawled back against the wall, breathing heavily. He had to get himself under control. This was ridiculous.

 

Carson didn't know he was Rodney's top – there was no reason why he'd think to ask John's permission to touch him. And this wasn't about Carson anyway. This was about Rodney, about nearly losing Rodney, about the rollercoaster that had been the past day.

 

John reached into his vest and took out a canteen of water. He swilled some around his mouth and spat it out, and then took another deep, satisfying gulp and swallowed it down.

 

Rodney barrelled onto the balcony a few seconds later, blue eyes blazing.

 

"I thought I'd find you here. What the hell was that about?" he demanded. "What were you thinking? Carson is our friend, and a damn good one. Why the hell did you…." He trailed off and his eyes softened as he got a good look at John. "Shit you look bad," he murmured, coming to stand in front of his top.

 

"I'm sorry." John doubled over and held onto his stomach, which was still roiling with emotion.

 

"Hey, it's okay. John? What's all this about?" John felt Rodney's warm arms encircle his body and the lurching in his stomach eased off a fraction. "Is this because I was dumb enough to walk into that thing?" Rodney asked, bestowing a little kiss on the side of John's neck.

 

John wrapped his arms around Rodney's body, feeling the pressure inside ease off even more as he was anchored by that firm, solid flesh.

 

"Nope. Yeah. Maybe a bit," he muttered. "I thought you were dead," he whispered into Rodney's neck.

 

"Well join the club. When I found you in that hallway earlier I thought *you* were dead," Rodney snorted.

 

"You should have told me what you were planning to do," John told him.

 

"I didn't know what I was planning to do!" Rodney protested. "Planning is over-stating it anyway. There wasn't much planning. It was more of a spur of the moment kind of thing."

 

"When you disappeared into all that darkness…I couldn't see you. I haven't been able to touch you because of that damn shield and then…."

 

"Okay. It's okay." Rodney's hands soothed his back, and the cramps in his stomach started to subside. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have asked you to keep our relationship secret. If Carson had known then he would have asked your permission to touch me," Rodney murmured.

 

John inhaled, deeply, needing to draw in Rodney's scent. "I've never been this kind of top before," he muttered. "I didn't know something like that could ever bother me. It never has before."

 

"I don't mind it." Rodney gave a little chuckle that vibrated against John's ribcage from where he was holding his sub so tightly. "You see, I've been moping around, thinking how damn perfect you are, and then you go and do this. It's the kind of little imperfection that makes you endearing. Makes you seem less damn smug."

 

"Smug?" John pulled back, and glanced at his sub. Rodney grinned at him.

 

"Kinda," he said, but John wasn't quite ready to smile yet. He pulled Rodney close instead, and pressed his lips to his sub's mouth, hard and demanding. Rodney opened up easily, returning his kiss with passion, and John felt some equilibrium returning to his world. He needed this – they *both* needed this. They parted only for air, and John kept a tight hold on his sub.

 

"I need you," he said urgently. "I need to be inside you."

 

"Not here." Rodney took hold of his hand and led him back into the city, taking him towards his own quarters, which were closest.

 

John felt lost, and he was glad of Rodney's hand in his own, pulling him along. If it had been down to him he'd have taken Rodney out there, on the balcony, because that restless hum of blood in his veins hadn't stopped. The build up of the past few hours was reaching a crescendo, and John was totally blinded right now, walking completely in the dark with only Rodney to guide him. He needed Rodney, in a way he'd never needed anyone before.

 

He clung onto Rodney as they walked, fast, and then when they finally reached the privacy of Rodney's quarters, John threw himself on his sub. He tore Rodney’s shirt from his body with a growl of ownership, and then buried his face in Rodney's neck. His hands slid down Rodney's bare back, needing to feel skin beneath his fingertips, and he sucked on Rodney's neck urgently, needing to drink in Rodney's taste.

 

Rodney, by contrast, was calmer than John had ever known him. He gentled John, talking to him in a low, soft voice, and John keened against Rodney, bucking his hips against Rodney's groin, shuddering to himself as he tried to get the events of the past few hours out of his mind. It was as if there was an endless replay going on inside his brain – Rodney surrounded by that forcefield, untouchable and miserable, driving John insane by being so close and yet so out of reach; Rodney walking into the darkness, disappearing from his sight; Rodney lying on the floor, pale and lifeless, and those terrible couple of minutes when he'd thought his sub was dead.

 

John felt like he was surrendering to a necessary catharsis that he was powerless to resist. He was drinking in Rodney's scent, his fingers scrabbling over Rodney's skin, seeking the flesh-to-flesh contact. His cock was hard, weeping with the need to be inside Rodney, to be lodged tight in his sub's warm, welcoming body, where he belonged.

 

Rodney was in charge now – John didn't even know his own name at this point. He was aware of Rodney stripping him, taking care never to be out of physical contact with him, skin always on skin, talking to him throughout, grounding him with the sound of his voice.

 

Then Rodney was leading him over to the bed, and John went, the need to be inside Rodney so strong it was all he could think about.

 

Rodney got onto the bed and pulled John down on top of him, and John came to rest on Rodney's chest. He could feel Rodney's hard cock pulsing against his own, and he wrapped his arms around Rodney's body and kissed his sub hard again, losing himself in the sensation of closeness.

 

Rodney's mouth was so warm and inviting, his kisses both intoxicating and calming at the same time, but John knew that nothing would bring him out of this dark mood except putting his cock into Rodney's anus and riding him hard until he came deep inside him. That was the only thing that could connect them again, and bring him any kind of peace.

 

He opened Rodney's legs and struggled to get his cock positioned but Rodney was talking to him, reminding him of something…he wasn't sure what. All he could think about was pushing himself into Rodney's body. He felt something cold and wet land on his cock, saw Rodney pushing lube frantically into his own body, trying to prepare himself, and he grabbed the lube and slathered some onto his fingers.

 

"Let me…let me…" he panted, pushing Rodney's hand aside, jealous of anyone touching Rodney, even Rodney himself. He slid his own fingers into Rodney's body and it felt good, so damn good. John worked on automatic, stretching Rodney while kissing him, always kissing him, pausing only for breath and then diving back for more.

 

He felt a hum start at the back of his mind, pushing the darkness away, and the faintest, tentative sensation of that warm sweetness that always flowed between them when their lovemaking was at its most intense. It was more than he could bear, and he removed his fingers and pushed his hard cock towards Rodney's hole.

 

"It's okay…it's fine…" Rodney was whispering, his hands stroking John's trembling body. "I can handle it…get in me, it's okay, I'm ready…" and John thought that was a good thing because he honestly couldn't hold on any longer.

 

He parted Rodney's buttocks with his hands and lodged himself forcefully in Rodney's hole. Rodney breathed faster, but he didn't say a word, just smiled up at John and guided John's cock into him, and John pushed, hard, and then found himself sliding in, up to the root, so that his entire cock was buried deep inside Rodney's body.

 

John felt the pressure at the back of his mind ease off now that he was in Rodney. He paused, and abandoned himself to the sensation of smelling Rodney's arousal, as familiar to him as his own, and to the sheer heady joy of feeling Rodney's internal muscles clenching tight around his cock, embracing and welcoming him in.

 

Rodney was still talking to him, in those low, gentle tones, and he was dimly aware that he would never have expected Rodney to have such a calming quality to his voice, but he was beyond much by way of coherent thought so the surprise slipped easily out of his mind.

 

All he could think about was being in Rodney, and he was acting entirely on instinct as he slid his hips back, and then pushed them forwards again. Rodney's breathing hitched in response to the forceful thrust, and John adjusted his position and did it again – and again. Rodney's breath hitched each time in a way that was arousing, exciting him even more.

 

John felt as if he was falling through space and time, falling into the dark, and Rodney was there beneath him, holding him as he fell, keeping him safe. John didn't need to be in control because Rodney was. Rodney could stop him with a word but he didn't. He just lay there, legs wide open, ankles wrapped around John's back, and took John inside him, as deep as it was possible to go, and John let go of any last vestige of control and surrendered himself completely to the darkness.

 

The darkness was all around him now, and all he could hear was the sound of his own thrusting, and Rodney's panting little cries, and then suddenly *it* was back, warmer and sweeter than ever, flowing between them, finally unblocked. It was if that moment stretched on for infinity, John buried deep inside his sub, Rodney laying himself open, offering himself up to his top, and the flow of energy between them was like a fire, blazing with an intense, pleasurable heat.

 

The darkness was more intense now than ever before, darker than that shadow creature that had almost consumed them both earlier. John could feel wetness on his cheeks but he had no idea what it was. He just knew that he loved this man beneath him more than he would have thought it was possible to love anyone. Rodney was his, and he'd nearly been lost to him. Rodney was his, and he'd been unable to touch him. Rodney was his, and now he had to claim him back - from death, from the shield, from all the people who had laid their hands on him. Rodney was his…his…his….

 

The darkness was suddenly replaced by a flashing white light, so bright it knocked out every sensation in his mind, and then he was falling again, for real this time, and Rodney *was* there beneath him, catching him in his arms and holding him tight, and John closed his eyes and allowed himself to be held, for the first time in a very long time.

 

When he came to, the darkness had gone, and he felt weak and dizzy. The emotional turmoil of the past couple of hours had completely receded, leaving him exhausted but able to think straight for the first time since Rodney had walked into that black shadow. He shifted, and realised that Rodney was stroking his back, gently, and pressing little kisses into his neck. His cock was still buried deep inside Rodney's body but he didn't want to move just yet.

 

"Better now?" Rodney asked, still stroking him with those big, capable hands of his.

 

"Yeah. I'm sorry," he croaked, moving his head and finding himself looking into Rodney's blue eyes.

 

"It's okay. I'm just glad you're back. You were so out of it."

 

"Did I hurt you?" John lifted his head anxiously.

 

"No." Rodney shook his head. "I mean, I doubt I'll be able to walk in the morning, obviously, and I'm not saying it wasn't kind of scary – but that was partly what made it so hot."

 

"Sorry," John said again, feeling pathetic. Rodney pinched his buttock.

 

"You've said that once," he said.

 

"Mmm. Felt like it needed saying more than once," John replied, resting his head on Rodney's chest. Rodney stroked his hair and John sighed and relaxed even more. "I will move. In a minute," he said. "I just…still need to be inside you for a bit longer."

 

"No rush," Rodney replied. "I like it anyway."

 

"Mmm." John angled his head sideways, and Rodney leaned in and kissed his mouth.

 

John zoned out again, just revelling in the rightness of being here, alone with Rodney, their bodies still joined in the aftermath of the most out-of-control sex John had ever had.

 

"I love you," someone said.

 

John sighed, thinking it was probably him who had just said that because Rodney hadn't said those words to him yet.

 

"Mmm," he murmured. Rodney's hands drifted down towards his buttocks, and came to rest there, just lightly.

 

"I love you," the voice said again, right in his ear. He looked up, startled. "Well I wanted some reaction seeing as how you made such a fuss about it earlier," Rodney told him.

 

"Wait – you said that?" John frowned.

 

Rodney laughed and kissed the side of his face. "Do you want me to wait until the blood has returned to your brain and say it again then?" he asked.

 

"No. Say it again now," John instructed. "I'll concentrate very hard."

 

"Okay then. I-love-you." Rodney's blue eyes were ridiculously close, but entirely sincere.

 

John grinned. "It would have killed you to say it earlier? You had to make me wait?" he groused. Rodney frowned.

 

"Are you saying it wasn't worth waiting for?" he asked.

 

John grinned, and pressed a kiss on Rodney's chest. "Definitely worth waiting for," he said. "What took you so long?"

 

"I just needed to know I wasn't going to be the only total screw-up in the relationship," Rodney said, looking a little smug. John couldn't argue with that.

 

"I'm surprised you haven't run screaming for the hills," he sighed. "I'll apologise to Carson in the morning of course."

 

"I'll come with you. It's partly my fault – we should have told him about us earlier and I know you wanted to."

 

"Does this mean you've changed your mind about moving in with me?" John asked.

 

"Not yet," Rodney replied. "I just need some time to get used to all this."

 

"That's cool." John kissed Rodney's neck. "Whenever."

 

He must have drifted off to sleep as he woke up an hour or so later feeling cold. The sweat had dried on his skin, and they were both ass naked on Rodney's bed. Rodney shifted beneath him, and John realised his sub was awake.

 

"You should have woken me up," John said. "I'm still inside you."

 

"I know. I like it but…."

 

"Yeah." John pulled his hips back, and his cock slid out of Rodney's body with a soft plop. Rodney winced.

 

"Sorry." John grabbed a blanket from the untidy heap at the bottom of the bed and pulled it up over both of them. Then he rolled over and slung his arm around Rodney's waist. If he concentrated, John could still feel that warm energy flowing between them, sweet as honey. It wasn't as powerful as it had been earlier, but he'd never been able to sense it before except during sex so this was different. He wondered what it was. It didn't feel wrong – on the contrary – it felt very right. John closed his eyes, and let the warm energy wash over him, bathing him, and soon they both fell into a deep, contented sleep.

---

 

Part Fourteen: The Collaring

 

John woke several hours later, and his cock immediately responded to having Rodney so close and so naked. He lay there for several minutes, trying to ignore his aching erection, but finally he decided that as Rodney's top he should exert a few rights over his sub's body, and he began to fondle Rodney insistently. He reached for the lube on the nightstand, and slid his fingers into Rodney's anus. Rodney came to, and made a little mumbling sound in the back of his throat.

 

"Too sore after last night?" John asked. Rodney glanced at him over his shoulder.

 

"Mmm. No," he muttered, and he moved one of his legs so John had better access. John grinned. One of the things he was starting to really appreciate about his sub was that Rodney never, *ever* said no to sex. He had a sex drive to match John's and that made John's cock very happy indeed.

 

John lubed his rock hard cock, and then snubbed it gently into Rodney's ass. They were both still half-asleep, and it was lazy morning sex, just casual little thrusts. After the frenzy of the previous night John felt they needed this. He kissed the back of Rodney's neck as he rocked into him and Rodney sighed.

 

It was a gentle, relaxed little sex session, and John came inside Rodney and then laid his chin on Rodney's shoulder and sighed. He was aware that Rodney hadn't come, and he'd made no effort to bring him to climax.

 

Something between them had deepened after last night, and John felt it was time to assert more dominance in the bedroom. He'd always held back with his subs before, never done more than play at making them submit, but with Rodney he felt he wanted to go much further. They were both on a journey together, and he sensed that Rodney would be a willing partner, prepared to explore his submission in the same way that John wanted to explore his dominance.

 

"I don't want you to come today," John whispered in his ear. Rodney shivered slightly. "And I want you to keep yourself lubed because I might want to take you at any time," John added, caressing Rodney's naked body with his fingers, loving the way Rodney trembled beneath his touch. "When I want you, then I’m just gonna bend you over and take you. You won’t come until I say that you can."

 

"Okay," Rodney whispered, his voice hoarse, and his cock hard and hopeful. John grinned. He'd always liked the idea of keeping a sub shivering on the brink before, but had never had a sub he'd wanted to take to this level. Rodney always responded so beautifully though – it was such a turn on.

 

"I don't want you touching your cock today except when you use the bathroom," John continued, purring into Rodney's ear. "Your cock is mine. I'm the only one who gets to touch it. And this ass." He squeezed Rodney's ass with his hands, and Rodney's entire body seemed to ripple with pleasure. "This beautiful ripe ass is mine too."

 

"Yeah..." Rodney gave a little whimper.

 

"Mine to touch, mine to bite, mine to spank," John whispered in his ear. He knew Rodney liked hearing this kind of thing as much as he liked saying it. "Mine to fuck," he added, in a low, growly tone, and Rodney almost went into a spasm at that.

 

"That whole not coming thing hasn't started yet, right?" Rodney asked hopefully. John snorted and pinched his buttock firmly, making Rodney squeal.

 

"What do you think?" John asked.

 

"I was just hoping," Rodney sighed.

 

"If you're good today then I might let you come this evening," John said, grinning.

 

Rodney sighed and flung his arms open wide. "Just kill me now," he lamented.

 

John laughed and turned Rodney towards him, then bestowed a loving kiss on his sub's mouth. "Stop complaining or I might not let you come all week," he said, and Rodney's blue eyes looked so stricken by that thought that John couldn't help laughing again.

 

They took a slow, loving shower, with John inspecting every inch of his sub's body for any damage caused by his encounter with the shadow creature the previous day. Rodney seemed unscathed, although John decided he was still going to take his sub along to Carson for a check-up anyway.

 

They got dressed and walked along to the infirmary. John squared his shoulders as they got close. He didn't like having to say he was sorry but his behaviour the previous day had been completely insane, and he owed Carson an apology.

 

The doctor looked up warily as they came in, and eyed them both cautiously.

 

"Carson, I'm sorry," John said quickly. "I hope I didn't hurt you yesterday?" He saw the faintest hint of a bruise on Carson's neck, and winced.

 

"Only a little. I was worried about you though," Carson said, glancing at John and then at Rodney, and back again. "Rodney told me he’d take care of you, and I told him to call if you needed any medical help. I presume that wasn’t necessary as neither of you called. What was going on for you, John?"

 

"He's my top. I'm his sub. He got freaked out by all the touching people were doing," Rodney supplied helpfully. It wasn't quite the way John would have put it, but it was pretty close to the truth.

 

Carson let out a little holler of joy. "So you two finally got together? Thank god! I was beginning to despair of the pair of you!"

 

Rodney frowned. "Why? I mean…you don't seem very surprised, Carson."

 

"I'm not!" Carson grinned. "This one here has been mooning over you for months for a start, and I knew you'd fall right into his arms if you'd just wake up, get your head out of your own arse, and see sense."

 

"Is that right? You've been mooning over me?" Rodney grinned widely at that, glancing sideways at John.

 

"I wouldn't describe it as mooning exactly," John replied defensively.

 

Rodney giggled, and John couldn't resist putting an arm around him and pulling him close. Rodney came, easily, and John felt that sensation of rightness again. He pressed a kiss to Rodney's hair and then smiled at Carson, who was beaming at them both like an enchanted matchmaker, delighted with his own handiwork.

 

"So I'm sorry, Carson. You've been a good friend to us and what I did yesterday was wrong," John said.

 

"No problem. I'm just delighted you two are finally an item."

 

"I'm bringing Rodney along for that check-up he should have had yesterday," John said. "He says he's fine but I want an expert opinion."

 

Rodney snorted. "If one can actually be an expert in voodoo," he muttered.

 

"Be nice, laddie, or I might complain to your top about you," Carson told him. "I hear that a good strapping can work wonders on a smart mouth like yours."

 

"Ha." Rodney made a face but clearly didn't feel confident in pursuing that line of conversation.

 

"Okay – John, I need to take some blood, and listen to Rodney's heart among other things," Carson said. "Is that okay, and would you like to be present?"

 

"Yes, and yes." John smiled, relaxing. It was never easy watching anyone touch Rodney, but he trusted Carson and now he'd given his permission it felt much easier. Carson smiled back at him and waved Rodney behind a curtained bed. John joined them there, and watched as Carson went about his work.

 

"I suppose you're going to want to visit Hicks while we're here," Rodney muttered. John gave him a sideways glance, sure that he'd detected a note of jealousy in Rodney's voice.

 

"I do, yes. How's he doing, Carson?" John asked.

 

"He'll be fine – we'll keep him here for a few days. We're giving him something to help the swelling go down. His skin's a bit puffy and painful. Right. I'm done with you, Rodney. Now – John, your turn."

 

"Me? I'm fine," John protested.

 

"And yesterday you sustained a head wound and a mild concussion," Carson said. "Remember?"

 

"To be honest I'd forgotten," John grinned, shaking his head. "A lot has happened since then, doc."

 

"Well, I haven't forgotten," Carson told him firmly. "So let's have a look."

 

Carson took his time, doing his usual thorough job, and John noticed that the doctor was making more notes than usual, frowning as he did so. He also ran more tests than John thought was strictly necessary.

 

"Is there a problem, doc?" he asked, puzzled, when Carson was done.

 

"Not a problem as such, no," Carson said slowly, examining his notes and then fishing out some old notes and comparing them. John rested his hand on Rodney's shoulder and Rodney glanced at him, a questioning look in his eyes.

 

"To be honest, I'm a bit surprised," Carson said. "That head wound wasn't bad, but it wasn't negligible, either, John, and yet today…it's almost completely healed. There's also very little trace of that burn on your hand and arm – no swelling, nothing beyond a bit of mild tanning in fact. And Rodney – now, not only does he appear to be completely unscathed after his encounter with that shadow creature yesterday, but his blood pressure is much improved on the last reading I took. In fact, he's usually borderline hypertensive and yet now…his readings are at the upper end of normal."

 

"Well that all sounds good, not bad," Rodney commented.

 

"It is – but it's also unusual, and I don't like mysteries, especially medical mysteries," Carson muttered.

 

"So what do you think is happening?" John asked.

 

"Well…" Carson glanced at the notes, and then back at them. "I'm not sure how you're going to take this, but it looks to me very much as if you two have formed the beginnings of a lifebond."

 

"What?" John froze, remembering his fathers. He'd spent the past eighteen years distrusting the whole idea of lifebonds, so this was a shock.

 

"Well, we could just put it down to the restorative faculties of having copious amounts of very good sex," Carson grinned. "Which you two obviously are – but the results are more marked than that."

 

"What does it mean?" Rodney asked quietly. "I mean, you said the beginnings of a lifebond? I take it that we haven't somehow bonded without knowing it?"

 

"No. That's not possible. If you were lifebonded you'd definitely know about it. And if you decide you want to lifebond then I think you'll find it easy enough but it has to be a conscious decision, and you'll need to go through a certain mental and emotional process to complete it – it can't happen by accident," Carson said firmly. "You have to mean it, and you have to want it. However, I have read about instances where a bond has started to form spontaneously – and that seems to be what's happened to you. It's not a problem, and it's nothing to worry about. In fact it's a good thing – as your current glowing state of health testifies."

 

John stole a cautious glance at Rodney, wondering how his sub was taking this news – it was certainly more than either of them had bargained for. Rodney didn't seem particularly bothered though – in fact he had a cheerful expression on his face and a lively curiosity on the subject.

 

"I've never really taken much interest in lifebonds before," Rodney mused. "I always thought they were a bit freaky to be honest. I had no idea it was even possible for people to have the beginnings of a lifebond. I thought you needed training and a big ritual and years of meditation and Shinzoic sex to reach that level."

 

John gave a little snort at that. Rodney glanced up at him. "What?"

 

"Sorry – just the thought of you having Shinzoic sex," John grinned. "You'd never be able to keep quiet enough."

 

Shinzoin was a particularly pure form of dominant and submissive sex, where the two participants took their roles as top and sub to almost spiritual levels. They entered into a headspace where they were completely attuned to each other, the sub willing to surrender every single aspect of themselves to their top, finding an inner, peaceful, silent subspace. It was equally challenging for the top who had to fully inhabit their own topspace, coming to view their sub as an extension of their own will, utterly in step with them, as completely under their control as one of their own limbs. Some people had likened it to a kind of choreography, whereby a couple had an almost telepathic link.

 

John had seen some Shinzoic couples – they did look very zoned out and at one with each other, and there was a kind of strength and peace in that, but John didn't have a whole lot of time for the pursuit of that kind of perfection.

 

"I could!" Rodney protested. "I'm a genius. I can do anything I put my mind to."

 

"Well, okay," John said, in a frankly disbelieving tone, trying to imagine restless, talkative, irascible Rodney as a quiet, obedient, peaceful Shinzoic devotee, and failing completely.

 

"Getting back to your point, Rodney," Carson said, "the medical profession still isn't entirely sure how the lifebond works, but it seems to be the flow of kaeira along the bond that helps in the healing process. Now, kaeira is a bit like other healing energies, such as Reiki, but it has a far more dramatic effect when flowing along a lifebond than Reiki has."

 

"You're making even less sense than usual, Carson," Rodney told him. "I always thought all that stuff was so much mumbo-jumbo. Kaeira, Reiki…." He shook his head.

 

"Well they're hard to medically quantify but we know they exist," Carson said. "I've got some medical papers on them if you'd like to read them."

 

"I'm sure they'll be riddled with errors and inaccuracies, and I'm bound to regret this, but okay. If this thing is happening to me I want to know about it," Rodney said, making a face.

 

"Pop into my office next door and ask Nurse Morelli for them – he knows where they're filed," Carson told him. Rodney bounced happily off the bed and disappeared. "So, you two finally got together," Carson said, giving John a speculative glance. "And as you're both looking so relaxed and healthy, I'm guessing it's going pretty well?"

 

"Fantastic," John grinned. "Although…I'm still having trouble controlling my emotions, Carson. I've never felt like this before and it's pretty confusing. What I did to you yesterday…." He sighed and shook his head. "Well, I really am sorry. I was out of control."

 

"And how does Rodney feel about that?" Carson asked. "You didn't hurt him?" he added anxiously.

 

"What? No!" John shook his head vehemently. "To be honest he's the one person I know I *couldn't* hurt when I feel like I did yesterday. Even when it feels that dark inside, one word from him and I'd pull back – but it's kind of easier if it can take its course – if I can let it out, with him, safely, just the two of us. And he handled it amazingly well – I'm still a bit surprised about that. He seems to kind of have a feel for me."

 

"Well, the fact you've formed a spontaneous pre-lifebond is an indication of how compatible you are," Carson said. "Some people strive to bond for years and never manage it, and you two have been together for five minutes and you've already got the makings of a strong bond, whether you choose to complete it or not. As for the emotional side of things – I hate to say this because I can see you're something of a sceptic, but you might like to take a look at the Shinzoin principles. They might help you get that under control. Also, to avoid misunderstandings like yesterday, you should consider putting a collar on Rodney. Nobody would touch him without your permission if he was collared."

 

"I'm working on it," John sighed. "Trust me, nothing would please me more. But…I freaked him out by asking him to move in with me, and after that whole thing with Bates and his training collar…well, I don't want to scare him off completely."

 

"I doubt you would. I think Rodney is the kind of sub who'd love the security of wearing a collar," Carson told him in a serious tone of voice. John remembered something Rodney had said to Bates, about how he viewed the act of collaring as one of love, and how he'd always kind of hoped for it to be a romantic moment. "And now you two are 'out' with your relationship – well, there's nothing stopping you," Carson said, patting his arm.

 

"Well, we're 'out' to you – I'm not sure how Rodney feels about being out to anyone else just yet," John replied. "We still need to have that conversation."

 

Rodney returned, clutching a disk, and John reached out and put his hand on Rodney's shoulder. If he was quiet, and concentrated hard, he could feel that warm, sweet energy flowing between them, always in the background, just out of focus. He realised how fragile the fledging lifebond was – yesterday, when he'd been unable to touch Rodney, their link had felt blocked, and John had missed it without even knowing it, the loss gnawing at him from the inside, making him irritable and unhappy. Then when they'd been making love last night, it had come back, stronger than ever. He guessed that their bond depended on them touching and tasting each other frequently, and on regular love-making.

 

They left the curtained-off cubicle, and Carson led them over to the other side of the infirmary where Hicks was being cared for. John felt Rodney stiffen as they approached, and he realised why when he saw Bates standing beside Hicks's bed. John put his hand back on Rodney's shoulder, and squeezed, feeling his own hackles rise.

 

He was surprised to see Bates here – he knew that he and Hicks had been friends, but that had been before he'd given Hicks Bates's job. He had thought that Bates might be vindictive enough to turn against Hicks for that, but maybe he had misjudged the man, because Bates was standing close, talking to Hicks, and Hicks was nodding and smiling. Something about the little tableau made John feel uneasy, but he wasn't sure what.

 

Bates looked up and saw them coming over, and his expression darkened. John felt Rodney tense even more beside him, and he squeezed harder. Carson was right – Rodney needed a collar, and John wanted nothing more than to put one around his neck, to proclaim to the world that Rodney was his, and nobody had better touch him.

 

"Morning Sergeant Hicks," John said. Hicks gazed up at him in surprise.

 

"You came to visit me, sir?" he said, sounding pathetically pleased.

 

"Of course. I wanted to see how you were doing," John replied. Hicks's normally pale skin was puffy and swollen, but it didn't look any worse than very bad sunburn, and Carson's team clearly had the condition under control.

 

"I'm fine, sir. I'll be back at work by the end of the week," Hicks said eagerly.

 

"We'll see about that, laddie," Carson said, with a fond smile. "Next week maybe."

 

"Take your time, Sergeant," Rodney said cheerfully. "I mean…no need to rush. Nobody's missing you or anything." He cast a sideways glance at John and John smothered a grin. Oh yeah, Rodney was *definitely* jealous, and that gave him hope.

 

A collar wouldn't just keep other tops away from Rodney – it would also proclaim to anyone who was interested that John had taken a sub and so that position was no longer vacant. Of course a top could take more than one sub, but that wasn't John's style - and somehow John doubted that many subs would risk upsetting the irascible Dr McKay by making a move on him. Rodney did pretty much control the city after all, and nobody would want to be condemned to a lifetime of cold showers for daring to make a pass at Rodney's top.

 

John chatted to Hicks for a few minutes but not for too long because he could tell that Rodney wasn't comfortable standing so close to Bates. John didn't blame him – he didn't feel very comfortable with it himself. Bates just stood there, glowering at them both, his gaze fixed on the hand John had on Rodney's shoulder, clearly considering what that might mean.

 

Occasionally his gaze flickered up to Rodney's neck, and John knew that he was looking for a collar. Rodney was wearing his lab coat though, and the lapels partially obscured his neck, making it difficult to see what he might be wearing there.

 

John was pleased Hicks was okay and he left the infirmary with Rodney, his hand still on Rodney's shoulder, making the most of their last few minutes together before they left for their respective jobs.

 

"You didn't waste your time," a voice rang out behind them in the hallway. Rodney froze, and John turned, slowly and deliberately. Bates was standing there, fists clenched tight by his side, glaring at them both.

 

"Excuse me, Corporal - did you have something to say to me?" John asked. Rodney moved a step closer to him, so that their hips were touching, and the link between them thrummed, tautly, as if responding to their heightened sense of danger.

 

"I'm just thinking how unfair it is. You only warned me off McKay because you wanted him for yourself," Bates spat. "You pulled rank on me in order to get your hands on *my* sub."

 

"I was never your goddamn sub you stupid pinhead!" Rodney snapped. "When will you *ever* get that into that pint sized brain of yours?"

 

"You were mine. You were *this* close to being mine," Bates growled, holding up his thumb and forefinger.

 

"He turned you down. Accept it, Corporal," John said firmly. "And now he's mine."

 

"Is he? I don't see a collar on him," Bates said, with a grim little smile. "Seems to me like he's still fair game."

 

Rodney made a tiny little sound at the back of his throat, and John had to put a warning hand on his sub's arm to stop him throwing himself at the other man. His own anger was simmering just beneath the surface, but he knew that Bates was taunting them, and refused to rise to the challenge.

 

"Listen to me, you nasty little punk," Rodney said, in a low, furious voice. "He's my top, I'm his sub, and I will never, ever belong to you. As for a collar – if he ever wants to put one on me then I'll wear it with pride – unlike that nasty choke chain you wanted to put around my throat. Now back off, because I've seen him when he gets jealous, and trust me, you don't want to be on the receiving end of an angry John Sheppard again."

 

Bates gave another twisted little smile. "Getting your submissive to fight your battles for you, Colonel?" he taunted. John burst out laughing – which visibly punctured Bates's unpleasant little bubble.

 

"He's doing a pretty good job of it," he replied with a shrug. "Mess with him and you mess with both of us, Bates. Now, Rodney's made his choice. Accept it, and move on with your life because if you ever lay a finger on him, ever again, then I promise you I'll kill you with my bare hands."

 

John didn't raise his voice as he said that, but he left nobody in that hallway in any doubt that he meant it. He put his hand back on Rodney's shoulder, and they both turned and walked away, leaving Bates behind. John felt a little glow of happiness as they walked. Rodney had said that he'd be proud to wear his collar! John let his finger slide gently up and down Rodney's neck as they walked, thinking how good it would be to see his collar resting there, proclaiming Rodney as his for all the world to see.

 

They got into the transporter – the lab was the first stop, and when they got there, Rodney made to leave but John reached out, pulled him back, pinned him against the wall of the transporter and kissed him hard. Rodney sighed, and melted against him – John loved the way his sub did that – it aroused him so much. He wished they didn't have to work, as he'd like nothing more than to push Rodney to his knees and be on the receiving end of another of his truly spectacular blow jobs, but they were late as it was so he had to be satisfied with a kiss. He made it a damn good one though, and when he finally released Rodney his sub blinked at him, looking a little dazed.

 

"Okay…so…that's really put me in the mood to work," Rodney grumbled, grinning anyway.

 

"I know how engrossed you can get. I just wanted to make sure that some little corner of your mind remembers me while you're busy blowing stuff up in the lab," John told him.

 

"Contrary to what you may think, most of what I do does not involve blowing stuff up," Rodney retorted.

 

"Yeah. Whatever." John placed a hand on Rodney's butt. "Just remember that your ass is mine – whenever I want it." He squeezed, and then opened the door and pushed Rodney out. Rodney stood there for a moment, gazing down at the front of his pants forlornly.

 

"And the whole not touching myself/not coming thing?" he asked, blue eyes looking adorably hopeful.

 

"Still a rule," John grinned, closing the door to the sweet sound of Rodney's sigh of protest.

 

~*~

 

 

Rodney hummed to himself all morning as he went about his work. He brought in donuts and coffee for his team again, and was in a thoroughly good mood. Yesterday had been tough, but today was going to be good. He could feel it. In fact, he really *could* feel it. His ass ached pleasantly whenever he sat down, and sometimes, when he was least expecting it, he had a momentary little flashback to the events of the previous night. An out-of-control John had been edgy, but exciting, and Rodney had felt he understood his top on an almost intuitive level. John's moods were complex, and occasionally dark, but now Rodney felt less like the novice in their relationship. John might have a better handle on their relationship generally, but he also had this odd vulnerability, and Rodney liked him all the better for it.

 

Rodney sighed, feeling absurdly at peace with the world. He was doing a job he adored, was in love with a man he adored, and having the most amazing sex of his life, and generally speaking he didn't think things could get much better. It was astonishing how much his life had changed since coming to Atlantis. He winced when he remembered what a completely fucked-up person he'd been just a few short months ago.

 

Rodney sat down at his work station and smiled to himself as he felt the pressure on his well-fucked ass. His cock hardened a little, hopefully, and he sighed. John had been very clear in his instructions this morning, and Rodney was not, despite what other people might think, the kind of sub who disobeyed an order from a top he loved and respected. He could go to the men's room and masturbate, but he didn't want to. He liked giving John this amount of control over his body. It turned him on knowing that John had ordered him not to touch his own cock. It kept him on edge, and he knew that when John did finally allow him to come, that it would be spectacular.

 

Rodney radioed John around lunchtime but found, much to his annoyance, that his lover had been called over to the mainland, so he grabbed a sandwich, feeling his happy mood dissipate somewhat. A couple of hours later he got a call asking him to go and take a look at puddle jumper one and he set off grumpily. He hated being interrupted in his work, and the puddle jumpers weren't exactly a priority for him.

 

"What am I – a mechanic?" he grumbled to himself. "It's always McKay fix this, McKay fix that. McKay, my computer isn't working. McKay, one of the puddlejumpers needs a new sealing joint. Blah, blah, blah." He reached the puddle jumper, clutching a box of tools in his hand, and slammed his hand on the door mechanism. The jumper opened and Rodney stepped inside, still grumbling to himself. "The city could be about to explode and there'd still be some idiot somewhere asking me to go fix the damn coffee machine," he muttered. The door shut behind him and he put his toolbox down on one of the bunks.

 

"Talking to yourself?" a voice behind him said, and he jumped, and then felt a familiar fizz of arousal zoom through his body as two arms slid around him. "I just got back from the mainland, and all I could think about on the journey home was your ass," John whispered in his ear. "I want you to bend over the flight console so I can take you."

 

Rodney swallowed down, hard. There was something so incredibly sexy about just being available for his top, whenever John wanted to take him. He was turned on as all hell, but at the same time, knowing he wasn't allowed to come made the event even more meaningful. He wanted to come, because just hearing his top speaking in that low, sexy growl made him hard. But at the same time, knowing he couldn't come meant that his body really was his top's plaything, for John to enjoy whenever he wanted, and that turned Rodney on even more.

 

He hurried over to the console, and quickly unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down to his ankles, then bent over the console, leaning forward and holding on. It felt weird to be standing like this, ass exposed, waiting for his top to fuck him, but also damn sexy. They were in a puddle jumper for god's sake! He felt waylaid, surprised, and that was a good feeling. John flicked a couple of switches, locking the hatch and activating the cloak, and Rodney heaved a sigh of relief. The last thing he wanted was for Radek's inquisitive face to come peering through the window to see him in this utterly compromising position.

 

He felt John come up behind him, and then his top began running his hands over Rodney's upturned ass, and Rodney sighed, feeling that buzz he always felt when John touched his naked skin.

 

"You feel good. Nice and hot and ready for me," John whispered. "Open your legs wider for me, Rodney. Wider. That's good. Did you remember to keep yourself lubed for me?" Rodney gave a little gasp as a finger slid, unexpectedly, into his ass. "Oh yeah. That's real good." John purred. He leaned forward and deposited a kiss on the back of Rodney's neck, making Rodney shiver. "Who do you belong to, Rodney?" John asked, sliding his finger insistently in and out of Rodney's anus. Rodney closed his eyes.

 

"You," he whispered, turned on beyond belief. Damn this was hot! John was so completely compelling and commanding, and Rodney had never felt more submissive in his life. He had never done more than toy with his own submission before, enjoying it insofar as he got off, but never giving any more of himself than he had to. He'd never have been able to do this for another top, to offer himself up for sex without expecting to be able to come himself, at least at some point during the proceedings, even if he had to hold it. Hell, he'd have told another top where to go for even suggesting it, but with John it felt so arousing that his entire body quivered with sensation.

 

He'd read a lot about the submissive headspace – it was hard to avoid articles yammering on about it as if it was an elusive holy grail requiring some special knowledge to reach. Rodney had never given it a whole lot of thought before. If he came, then sex was good. If he didn't then he was pissed off.

 

This was different though. There was pleasure to be had simply in the situation itself. There was pleasure to be had also in the evident pleasure John got from taking him. Rodney sighed, and laid his head down on the console, opening his legs up as wide as possible, relaxing his internal muscles so John could enter him more easily. This felt incredible!

 

"Oh that's good. You're so good," John murmured to him, his hands stroking Rodney's bottom insistently. "I'm going to take you now, take you so hard…."

 

Rodney felt his buttocks being spread even further, and then the now familiar feel of John's hard cock nudging at his anus. There was always a moment of burning as the ring of muscle was breached, but then came that entirely pleasurable sensation of John's large, powerful cock filling him to the hilt.

 

Rodney clung onto the console as John slid into him, keeping him nailed into position. Rodney heard his top give a little hiss of pleasure as he lodged himself fully inside him, and then John's fingers slid under his tee shirt and tweaked his nipples. Rodney gave a startled little squawk and John hushed him, his breath tickling Rodney's ear.

 

"Mmm, that's it, take me…" John purred, moving his hips back and forth. Rodney started to pant as that large cock filled him, thrusting deep inside him with every movement of John's hips. It had only been a few days since Rodney had first allowed John inside his body but it felt like a lifetime.

 

This was how it *should* be, Rodney thought to himself. John's cock felt so right inside him. Their bodies fitted together so perfectly. He would never have imagined even a week ago that this could feel so good. His anus had stretched to accommodate John's size, and while it sometimes felt a little sore from such frequent use, the sense of pleasure he got from taking John into his body in this way more than made up of for it.

 

"Damn you're good…so tight…" John was saying, and Rodney mewled with pleasure, arching his back as John started pounding into him in earnest. Rodney's cock was hard and weeping but he held back his own orgasm, forcing himself not to give in to the waves of pleasure coursing through his body, and then John gave a triumphant shout and it was over.

 

There was a brief hiatus, during which Rodney wanted nothing more than to take his cock in his hand and bring himself to climax, but he rode it out, the sweat standing out on his body with the effort of it.

 

Finally John slid out of him, and he heard his top zipping up his fly, and then John was stroking his bare ass again. "That was fantastic," John said. "You can get up now."

 

Rodney stood up, shakily, and turned around. John looked down on his hard, weeping cock, and smiled. He pulled Rodney to him, and wrapped his arms around him. "That's good. That's so good. You held on," he said. "I'm proud of you, Rodney."

 

"It *was* good. Damnit, I'm shaking," Rodney replied, holding on tight to his top's warm, protective body. John's hands went down to his butt, and squeezed.

 

"You have no idea how hot that was. I mean…sex in the puddle jumper, and you…just taking it like that. No arguments, no backtalking - god I love you, Rodney."

 

"Mmm." Rodney basked in his top's praise. Not having an orgasm was worth it for this – and he knew that John would make his orgasm, when he was allowed it, all the sweeter. He wondered what his top had in mind for that. He had come to know John well enough to suspect that his top already had a plan for it.

 

"I want you to meet me here tonight," John told him, as if reading his mind. "After work. Go back to your quarters and get changed. Wear something hot. Then head back here and meet me at seven. I'll be waiting."

 

"What did you have in mind?" Rodney asked.

 

John drew back and traced a finger over Rodney's lips. "That's a surprise," he said softly, before claiming another sweet kiss. Then, reluctantly, he disengaged himself and left.

 

Rodney sighed and began readjusting his clothing. He could feel John's come seeping out of him, and needed to go to the bathroom to clean up, but he loved how it felt. He had to wait a few minutes for his erection to subside enough for him to be able to pull up his pants, and he roundly cursed his top for *that* little inconvenience.

 

Finally, he was able to make himself presentable, and he grabbed his toolbox and left the jumper in a much happier mood than when he'd arrived.

 

Rodney wore a silk shirt in a shade of vivid blue and the tightest pair of black chinos he possessed for his rendezvous with John later that evening. He even rubbed some gel into his hair, and when he looked at himself in the mirror he thought he'd come a long way from the dishevelled figure he'd been just a few weeks ago.

 

He arrived at the puddle jumper at five to seven to find John already there. Rodney had to pause to catch his breath, because John looked amazing. He was wearing a pair of those tight black leather pants that made his legs look so long and lean, and a loose, slinky black shirt that skimmed his body, showing off its hard lines, open at the neck to reveal tufts of chest hair. He wore a black leather vest over the top of the shirt, and a silver earring was dangling from his ear. Even his hair seemed extra spiky. Rodney took a moment just to look.

 

"You're drooling." John put his finger on Rodney's jaw, and pushed his mouth shut.

 

"You're walking around looking that hot and I'm supposed *not* to drool?" Rodney replied querulously. John shut him up with a quick kiss, and then pulled him into the puddle jumper.

 

"Are we doing a repeat of earlier?" Rodney asked.

 

"Nope." John shook his head, shutting the hatch behind them.

 

"You mean, we're actually *going* somewhere?" Rodney asked, surprised, as John strapped himself into the pilot's seat.

 

"Yep." John nodded in the direction of the passenger seat.

 

"Where?" Rodney couldn't think of anywhere they *could* go particularly. It wasn't as if the Pegasus Galaxy was exactly teaming with nightlife and bars.

 

"You'll see," John replied mysteriously.

 

It was only a short trip across the ocean and they landed in a familiar place. Rodney was grinning as they stepped outside. John grabbed a basket from one of the bunks, and then took hold of Rodney's hand and started leading him down towards the beach.

 

"Back to the scene of the crime huh?" Rodney said, remembering that fantastic first date, and that equally fantastic first kiss.

 

"Mmm." John paused for a moment to kiss him again, and Rodney leaned in close.

 

"If I'd known it'd lead to all this hot sex I wouldn't even have hesitated," Rodney murmured afterwards. John rolled his eyes.

 

"You have a one track mind," he said.

 

"Excuse me – I'm the one who hasn't come all day and you've come twice so I can be forgiven," Rodney retorted.

 

"Good things *come* to those who wait.” John grinned at him infuriatingly, pulling him along again.

 

They walked along the beach and Rodney stopped as he saw the table standing on the sandy shore, and the blankets laid out around a warm, welcoming fire.

 

"You planned this?" he said, blinking in surprise.

 

"Yeah. I've been ferrying supplies over to the mainland for the Athosians all day so I just took some time out on the last trip to set all this up," John told him.

 

"For me?" Rodney asked, because this was the most ridiculously romantic thing he'd ever seen, and he wasn't exactly the kind of sub who'd ever attracted romantic gestures from any of his previous tops.

 

"Who else?" John rolled his eyes again. "Come on."

 

He pulled Rodney over to the table, and Rodney sat down, still surprised. It was starting to get dark, and the stars were just beginning to appear in the sky above them. It was a beautiful evening – still warm, with hardly any breeze.

 

John sat down opposite him, and lit the candles on the table. Then he opened the basket he'd brought with him. He took out a big plateful of food and put it in the middle of the table.

 

"I've got another one in the basket if you'd prefer, but I thought…" John paused, and took a deep breath. "If you like – we could share this one."

 

Rodney gazed at him. This was a loaded question, the subject of far too many romantic comedies and the substance of ludicrous amounts of romantic literature going back centuries. Rodney had felt uneasy about it before, but after yesterday he found that he didn't have any doubts. He was with John, and he would always be with John. Once he'd got his head around that, everything else just slotted into place.

 

"Sounds good," he replied, his voice hitching slightly with emotion, taking him by surprise. John's smile lit up his entire face, and Rodney felt warm inside. He'd just done something right – something very right.

 

John slid his fork into the food and offered it to Rodney. The candle flickered, lighting John's face, and the fire warmed them from a few feet away. Rodney took the mouthful of food from the fork, and John reached out and rested his hand on Rodney's. Rodney chewed – it tasted delicious, and he wondered how much John had had to bribe the mess staff to make it.

 

"Good?" John asked, taking a forkful himself.

 

"Fantastic," Rodney replied, swallowing the morsel down.

 

John poured them both a glass of wine and Rodney took a sip, still feeling slightly stunned by all this. It was all just so romantic – the table on the seashore beneath the starry sky, the beautifully prepared meal, the fire crackling nearby, and the inviting waiting blankets. And now he was sharing a plate with someone. He'd never imagined that would ever happen.

 

In the past, he'd always been faintly horrified by the idea – it seemed romantic but it meant giving up control over his food and Rodney wasn't comfortable with that. Now though, he could see it wasn't like that at all. It wasn't as if he had to wait for John to feed him all the time – if he wanted a donut in the lab he could still help himself. It was simply that when he and John were sitting down for a meal together, his top would hand feed him, and Rodney found that wasn't a hardship at all. In fact it was kind of relaxing.

 

Usually he shovelled his food down so fast that he barely tasted it, but John fed him slowly, taking bites himself between the forkfuls he gave to Rodney, and it was such a shared experience.

 

He'd never really *shared* a meal with someone else before, both of them taking pleasure in each bite, and he loved the intimacy of John holding the fork to his mouth, and occasionally wiping some sauce from his lips with a finger, or brushing his cheek with the back of his hand in a fond caress. Rodney was surprised by how connected he felt to his top sharing the meal with him. It gave them time to really talk, and they touched each other far more than they usually did while eating.

 

Rodney found he was concentrating on his top more, watching him cut the food with those long, elegant fingers, seeing the reflection of the dancing candlelight in his eyes as he held up each morsel. And all the time the waves rolled onto the sea shore, just beyond the table, and the faint breeze rustled through John's hair, and the fire crackled and danced in the darkness.

 

"My parents never shared a plate," Rodney murmured. "Neither one of them wanted to give up control to the other. So I never really understood what the big deal was before. All those bloody movies on the subject…."

 

"I know!" John grinned. "I dated one sub who loved those damn movies so much. I thought if I had to sit through one more sappy romcom about a couple who were meant to be together sharing plates with the wrong people or whatever I'd go insane."

 

Rodney smiled. "And yet here we are…doing something more romantic than I think I've ever seen in any movie."

 

"Well that's not hard. I bet most of the movies you watch are sci-fi," John pointed out.

 

Rodney laughed. "Yeah," he agreed softly.

 

John got a dish full of rich, dark chocolate mousse from the basket, placed it on the table between them, took a heaped spoonful, and held it to Rodney's lips.

 

"Oh shit," Rodney sighed as he tasted it. "That's so good."

 

"So I was thinking," John said, and Rodney picked up on a note of tension in his top's voice. "Carson knows, and Bates knows…and well, we're kind of sharing a plate now so I'm figuring that you're okay with the rest of the city knowing about us?"

 

"Yeah – that whole keeping it a secret thing was a dumb idea in the first place," Rodney said, with a shrug. "I just assumed we were going to crash and burn so I didn't want the inevitable disaster being any more public than it had to be. I'm over that now. In fact, I want every sub on this base to know that you're taken so they can stop throwing themselves at your feet whenever you walk past."

 

"Because that happens every day." John rolled his eyes.

 

"Don't tell me that Hicks hasn't propositioned you!" Rodney retorted. "He was giving you the biggest puppy dog eyes I've ever seen."

 

John grinned. "He did make a pass at me, yes, but that was awhile back, before I even realised I wanted you, and I told him back then that I wasn't interested. He's a nice enough kid but…I think I'd find him kind of boring."

 

"Well one thing I can promise you is that I won't ever be boring. I might drive you insane, but it won't be dull," Rodney said, taking another spoonful of the delicious chocolate mousse as John held it up to his mouth.

 

"Yeah. I figured that. I think that's partly what attracted me. You know, the first thing I thought when I saw you was that you were gonna be trouble – and I wasn't wrong there."

 

Rodney snorted at that.

 

"The second thing I noticed about you was your ass," John added, in that low tone that always turned Rodney on. "And I've been kind of fixated on it ever since."

 

"The first thing I noticed about you was your hair," Rodney said. "And then I tried not to notice you at all until that day you marched into my lab wearing your towel. It was hard not to notice you then."

 

"You were being difficult," John grinned.

 

"And you were showing me that you knew how to handle me," Rodney said, gazing intently at John's wet lower lip.

 

"And I do," John murmured, his eyes fixed on Rodney's face.

 

"Yeah," Rodney agreed, softly.

 

They gazed at each other silently for a long moment, the breeze caressing them gently, John's finger rubbing insistently along the inside of Rodney's palm, and then John moved, and drew one more thing out of the basket beside the table. It was a small box, and Rodney vaguely recognised it – he'd seen it in John's room, on his nightstand, beside the picture of his parents.

 

"I wanted to give you this," John said, placing the box in front of Rodney. "If you'll do me the honour of wearing it?"

 

Rodney felt his mouth go dry as he looked down on the box. He reached out, and fingers that were usually so dextrous were fumbling now as he picked it up. He glanced up at John who looked as nervous as Rodney had ever seen him, the casual, laid-back mask just barely in place. Rodney knew that he was getting to see a side to his top that John never allowed anyone to see.

 

He opened the box, slowly, and found a sleek collar, made of shiny white gold, nestled inside on a bed of plain black silk. He picked it up, the cool metal trailing sensuously through his fingers. Attached to it was a simple strip of gold, and engraved on that, in elegant italics, was a name: John Sheppard.

 

Rodney turned it over, and his breath caught in his throat as he saw one word engraved on the underside, where it would never been seen, where it would rest, hidden, against his flesh: Mine.

 

Rodney gazed at it, feeling suddenly wordless and winded. Nobody had ever wanted to collar him before, and he'd never wanted to be collared, but now he found that he wanted it more than anything else. He wondered what it would be like, to walk the hallways of Atlantis as a collared sub, with John Sheppard's name on his collar, proclaiming his ownership in such a classy way.

 

"If it's too soon…" John said anxiously. "After Bates…I wasn't sure…."

 

This was nothing like Bates's collar though. This wasn't an ugly choke chain, designed to restrain and restrict and strangle into submission. This was a beautiful item of jewellery, designed to be given as a gift, a token of love and affection.

 

The elegant engraving on this collar was a world away from Bates's blunt expression of dominance. Collars typically bore the name of the top – never the submissive - so that anyone meeting the sub would know who had collared them, and therefore who they would be messing with if they hurt that sub, or made a move on them.

 

Rodney ran his fingers over the engraving. Mine. It was so perfect in its simplicity.

 

He glanced up, into John's worried eyes, and realised that he still hadn't given his lover an answer. He got up, walked to where John was sitting, and knelt down beside him, and then he placed the collar in his top's hand.

 

"Yours," he whispered, and he saw a flash of joy in John's eyes.

 

Rodney bent his neck to accept the collar, placing his hands on John's knees. He was trembling slightly as he felt John's fingers gently touching his throat, and the cool caress of metal against his skin, and then there was a little snap as the collar was fastened, and he was, for the first time in his life, a collared sub.

 

He had never expected it to be such a profound moment. He was collared. He was John's sub now, for all to see, and he felt a sense of relief wash over him. There was no agonising, no decision to be made. He belonged to John now, and he always would, whatever happened. He knew there would never be anyone else for him.

 

He felt John's fingers on his chin, lifting up his face, and then John took his head in his hands and pulled him in. Their lips met, causing sparks to fizz through Rodney's body. John's mouth was firm and loving on his own, and Rodney opened up, feeling lost in a haze of the most intense emotions.

 

He was kneeling, a collared sub in front of his top, being kissed, and suddenly, out of nowhere, he felt that warm, sweet sensation flowing between them, more powerful than ever before.

 

John kissed him for a lifetime, and Rodney clung onto his top's knees, utterly adrift in the moment. Far away he could hear the waves lapping on the shore, and overhead the stars were twinkling in the night sky, and his entire life had become this one, perfect point in time.

 

When John finally released him, Rodney sank back on his kneels and gazed up at his top, completely enraptured. The cool metal of the collar had that thrill of unfamiliarity against his skin, and he could hear the faint chink of the links as he moved his head.

 

"Mine" – the word was pressed into his flesh, secret, between him and his top.

 

He was collared.

 

John was getting up now. He reached out a hand and pulled Rodney to his feet, and Rodney went, uncharacteristically silent. John led him over to the blankets, and guided him down onto them so that he was lying on his back, and then straddled him.

 

It was like the first time they'd kissed, out here on this same beach, as John took hold of Rodney's arms and pushed them over his head and claimed his mouth again, only this time it was exponentially different, because this time he was collared. He belonged to John now, and the metal around his throat proved that, for all to see.

 

Rodney gazed up at his top, dazed, as John started to unbutton his shirt. His top took his time, working slowly, his fingers sliding sensuously under the fabric to tease Rodney's nipples and stroke his chest.

 

There was no light pollution on Atlantis, and overhead the stars burned a sharp white against the inky black sky. The three Atlantean moons shone in various degrees of brightness, none of them as large or as bright as Earth's moon, but their combined light achieving a similar effect. Rodney shivered; it was hard to get his head around the fact that he was here, on an alien beach in a different galaxy entirely, being undressed by the top who had just collared him.

 

"You warm enough?" John asked, pausing in his unbuttoning.

 

"Mmm," Rodney replied. "Just…." He honestly didn't have the words to describe how he was feeling, and why he had shivered. He just gazed up at John helplessly.

 

"I know," John said softly, understanding. He dipped his head down and kissed Rodney again, a gentle, reassuring kiss this time, and that warmed him from the inside out.

 

John finished unbuttoning his shirt and slid it away from his body, and Rodney moved his arms, obediently, so that John could strip it from him. Then John ran his fingers through Rodney's chest hair, and gently spidered them over his collar bones, before bending his head to land a soft kiss on each of Rodney's nipples. Rodney sighed as John's tongue lapped out and teased his nipples into little points of arousal. Then John licked a trail up to his jaw and sucked down on his neck, before nibbling affectionately on his earlobe.

 

Rodney lay completely still on the blankets, surrendering himself to his top's attention. John moved back, and unzipped Rodney's pants, then pulled them and his boxers down to Rodney's ankles. He swiftly stripped Rodney completely naked and threw his clothes onto the nearby chair. Then he paused, and leaned over Rodney again, just gazing at him.

 

Rodney saw a reflection of himself in John's eyes, lit by the orange flames of the nearby fire. He was lying there, stretched out on the blankets, completely naked save for the strip of metal encircling his throat, and he could see by the expression in John's eyes that this was as profound a moment for him as it was for Rodney.

 

John reached out a hand and touched the collar, never taking his eyes off Rodney's face as he did so. Rodney gazed back, aware that they were dancing an age-old dance, a top claiming his collared submissive for the first time.

 

He held his breath as John looked down on him with a fierce expression in those hazel eyes. John was still fully clothed, and Rodney felt like an offering, lying here, naked, laid out at his top's feet for the taking. John reached out and slid a finger along Rodney's cock, which hardened immediately.

 

"Good," John whispered. "I want you to be hard for me whenever I touch you, Rodney."

 

Rodney nodded, thinking it was unlikely he'd ever have a problem with that particular order.

 

"You can come whenever you want this first time," John told him. "But I want you to come more than once tonight, so bear that in mind."

 

Rodney nodded again, because he seriously doubted that would be a problem, either. He had known John had something good planned for this evening, but he had never imagined it would be *this*. At that moment, John moved his head, quickly and unexpectedly, and Rodney gave a gasp of surprised pleasure as his top's mouth enveloped his cock with one smooth movement.

 

"Oh shit," he murmured, grabbing handfuls of the blanket. John had never blown him before, and Rodney realised, through a haze of pleasure, that it felt fantastic. John drew back a little, and grinned at him over Rodney's bobbing, glistening penis.

 

"Keep still for me, Rodney," he ordered. "I want you completely still – I want you to surrender to me. Come in my mouth whenever you're ready, but don't move. If you move I'll punish you."

 

Rodney shivered. John had never spoken like this to him before, and it was sexy as all hell. He didn't want to be punished – he wanted John to be pleased with him, wanted to give his top everything he asked of him, so he lay there, as quiet as he could be, while John returned to work.

 

It was hard not to gasp, and move his hips, as John's warm, wet mouth descended on his hard penis again. It felt so damn good! Rodney tried to relax every muscle in his body, gazing up at the black night sky overhead. For awhile he was just his aching cock, merging into the warmth that was John's tongue as it pleasured him. It felt fantastic, and his entire body became boneless as John sucked down hard.

 

Then the stars above him seemed to be dancing, dizzily, crashing into each other and forming an intense white starburst that exploded inside his mind, and he felt himself coming, his body delivering wave after wave of orgasm, all the more hot and hungry for having been denied all day.

 

John's mouth remained a constant presence on his cock, milking him for all that he was worth, swallowing his come down until Rodney was done. Then John licked a few last pearly drops from Rodney's slit, and sat up. Rodney was unable to move. He just lay there, gazing at his top adoringly.

 

"Thank you," he whispered.

 

"Ssh. I'm not done with you yet," John replied. "Watch me."

 

Then he stood up, and slowly began to undress. His body was lit by the light of the fire, casting him in an orange glow as he slid his vest from his shoulders. Then he unbuttoned his shirt, going as slowly as he had whilst undressing Rodney, never taking his eyes off his naked sub, lying on the blankets beneath him. Rodney gazed back, utterly transfixed.

 

John removed his shirt to reveal his flat, lean stomach, and firm, hairy chest. Rodney let out an involuntary sigh as John undid his leather pants, and slid them slowly down his long legs, before finally kicking off his boots and socks.

 

Then he stood there, naked, his big, proud erection pulsing in the light of the fire. Rodney felt a thrill igniting in his belly. John was his top, and he was about to take his collared sub. His recently sated cock gave a tiny twitch of pleasure at that thought.

 

It honestly didn't get any better than this.

---

 

Part Fifteen: Sharing a Plate

 

 

 

John paused for a moment, to feast on the sight of his submissive. Rodney looked so damn good lying there, naked save for the glinting metal of the collar around his throat; the collar that bore his own name.

 

John moved slowly down onto the blankets, and pressed his naked body against that of his collared sub. Rodney had been his from the moment John had first taken him, but this was different. Now Rodney wore his collar. He had never collared a sub before so he had no idea that he'd feel like this but he felt a wave of strong emotion – combined possession and protectiveness, mingled with a fierce, overwhelming love.

 

Rodney's reaction to being collared had been everything he could have hoped for, and more. He'd worried that it was too soon, that Rodney would hand the collar back to him, still boxed, but instead his sub had come to him, knelt before him, and bent his neck to take his collar, and that moment had meant everything to John.

 

The snap of the clasp, the feel of sleek metal against warm skin, and the look in Rodney's eyes when John had raised his head to meet his gaze….

 

Now it was time to complete the moment, and seal the collaring with a claiming. John pinned Rodney beneath him, covering his sub's body with his own. He could feel his own cock, hard and leaking pre-come, pressing against Rodney's soft belly.

 

Rodney's cock was still flaccid, but he could detect it hardening a little, and he smiled to himself. He wanted to take his time, wanted to make love to Rodney for hours on end, and he was sure that Rodney would be fully hard again by the time he allowed his sub to come.

 

"Now we're back to the rules," John whispered, nuzzling Rodney's ear. "You can't come until I've come. Understand?"

 

"Yes."

 

Rodney nodded, his eyes wide with a look John had never seen in them before. Rodney was always transparent but he could also be wary. Now that he was collared, it was as if he was finally allowing John to see everything.

 

John basked in the warm glow from the fire as he slowly, so very slowly, made love to every single part of his sub's body.

 

He kissed Rodney's shoulders, his elbows, and each of his fingers, sucking gently on each one. Then he wafted light kisses over Rodney's chest, and paused to suck down a little harder on his sub's nipples, making Rodney gasp and shiver with pleasure. He licked a line down Rodney's chest to his now reviving cock, and lingered for a moment on Rodney's balls. He sucked on them, just gently, then blew on the warmed flesh, making Rodney shiver again. John continued moving down down, kissed each of Rodney's knees, and licked the tips of his toes, before moving back up again. He felt like a panther, lithe and sinuous, feasting on his sub's body as if he was the most delicious prey, and all the while that collar glinted at him, glowing orange in the light of the fire.

 

"Turn onto your front," John commanded, and Rodney obeyed, instantly, like the good, collared sub that he was. "Open your legs," John ordered and Rodney did that too, opening up wide.

 

John paused for a moment, and just enjoyed the sight of a naked, spread Rodney, his perfectly plump ass waiting for his top's attention. Rodney looked exquisite in the firelight, his creamy skin so inviting…and again John's attention was drawn to the collar around his sub's neck. Rodney was his. Collared, and naked, and lying here in the most abject, abandoned position, just waiting to be taken.

 

John forced himself to concentrate, trying to ignore the growing ache in his hard cock. He wanted to take his time, and truly enjoy feasting on his sub's body. His gaze was drawn to the dark, puckered opening between Rodney's legs, and John settled between those spread legs, and parted Rodney's buttocks with his hands. He licked his way over Rodney's firm butt cheeks, and darted his tongue between the round globes of flesh. He loved how Rodney smelled, and how his sub gasped and mewled whenever he was rimmed. He loved the feel of the puckered hole beneath his tongue and the way it glistened, moist with his saliva, when he drew back.

 

He teased Rodney for a long time, relishing the sounds of his sub's moans, and then he moved his head, and pressed his lips against Rodney's ass.

 

"Your marks have faded," he murmured. "I think you should always be marked on this beautiful ass. I like to think of you walking around with my mark on you. So I'm going to bite you again. Hold still, Rodney."

 

He reached out, and held Rodney down with his hands and his own bodyweight, because he knew Rodney would wriggle when he was being bitten, however hard he tried to be still. Rodney was gazing back at him over his shoulder, his eyes dark with arousal, and John knew that Rodney liked being marked as much as he liked marking him.

 

He found a nice, juicy spot on Rodney's ass, and nuzzled at it. Then he kissed it, and then he licked it with his tongue, before sinking his teeth gently into the flesh. Rodney gave a little muted holler and writhed beneath him, and John held him down, keeping him pinned there, naked and vulnerable under his fierce caress.

 

He deepened the bite now, and Rodney suddenly went limp and submissive in his arms. That aroused John even more, and he growled into the bite, holding it for a few seconds longer, and then, finally, he released his sub. Rodney immediately reached back to touch the bite mark, and John moved his hand away.

 

"No touching," he whispered, lapping at the red mark with his tongue to soothe away the pain. It looked beautiful – the most perfect mark, standing out vividly against Rodney's pale flesh. Rodney looked dazed but happy, and John liked him that way.

 

He reached for the lube he'd thrown onto the blanket earlier, and smoothed it onto his fingers, and then knelt down between his sub's thighs again. It didn't matter how many times he entered Rodney's tight hole, he could never get enough of it. He burned and ached for his sub when he wasn't with him, and fantasised about being inside him.

 

John slid his fingers into Rodney's hole, teasing the lube around the rim and then slipping inside the tight ring of muscle. Rodney was relaxed and ready for him, but John took his time anyway, finger fucking his sub for several minutes, just enjoying the sight of Rodney lying beneath him, his legs open, his body so enticing.

 

Then it was time. "Turn over," John said, kissing Rodney's shoulder affectionately. Rodney turned, and his collar flashed in the firelight as he did so. John kissed the collar, and then kissed Rodney's neck, before settling himself between Rodney's thighs again.

 

"Lift your legs onto my shoulders," he said, and Rodney did as he was told, immediately, without question. John grinned down on his sub. He knew this new, silent Rodney wouldn't last and he didn't want him to, but he loved how responsive his sub was being now that he was wearing a collar.

 

"We'll go nice and slow," John purred, stroking Rodney's now semi-erect cock with his hand. He took Rodney's buttocks in his hands, and slid his hard cock into Rodney's lubed entrance. "Lie back. Just watch me take you," he said, and Rodney relaxed into the blankets and gazed up at him, his eyes still wide and aroused, completely obedient to John's will.

 

John entered Rodney slowly, inch by inch. He loved watching his own cock disappear into Rodney's body, loved the way it seemed to open Rodney up, making his body quiver, and causing him to make those beautiful little mewling sounds at the back of his throat. Rodney's body was as accommodating as ever – sometimes John found it hard to believe that his big, blunt cock could fit so perfectly inside Rodney's tight, puckered opening, but it always did, so smoothly.

 

He slid in as far as he could go, savouring the sensation of Rodney's warm tightness enveloping his hard cock. Then he paused, looking down into Rodney's dazed blue eyes, drinking in the sight of his collared sub beneath him. Finally, he moved his hips back and then thrust them forward again, angling his cock, hoping to hit Rodney's prostate. Rodney's eyes flashed and he let out a moan of pleasure so John figured he'd been successful, and he aimed the same way with each subsequent thrust.

 

He went slowly – although his need was urgent, he wanted this to last for as long as possible. Every now and then he lowered his head and caught Rodney's lips in his own for a deep, loving kiss. "You're mine now," he said, thrusting inwards. "Collared." He thrust again. "I love you," he added, with a fond smile, moving his hips faster now. "God I love you."

 

Rodney lay there, arms stretched out on the blanket, just gazing up at him with an expression of naked adoration on his face. He didn't reply – he didn't have to – his answer was written all over his face.

 

John lost track of time. The fire was still burning, warming their naked skin in the sultry night air, painting their naked bodies in hues of gold. He could hear the sea, and smell the fresh salty air, combined with the scent of his sub, and it was all so good. So incredibly good.

 

The inky night seemed to caress them, wrapping them in its darkness, while the moons bathed them in their silky silver light. Every now and then, the faint moonlight would catch the white gold metal of Rodney's collar, and whenever that happened John would lean forward and kiss the collar, and then Rodney's lips.

 

He couldn't hold on any longer. He was moving fast now, slamming his hard cock into his collared sub, making Rodney pant and mewl with every deep thrust, and then he was coming, shouting Rodney's name the way he often did. Just seconds later he saw Rodney's come spurt out too.

 

John rested for a moment, his forehead against Rodney's forehead, both of them breathing in time as they recovered from their orgasms, and then John gently withdrew from the tight, warm heat of Rodney's body, and settled down beside him, taking his sub in his arms. They lay there, naked and content, top and sub, Rodney's head resting on John's shoulder, gazing up at the stars, the sweat cooling on their warm bodies.

 

"Have we named this beach yet?" Rodney murmured. "All those mapping expeditions your marines do. Did they name this beach?"

 

"Mmm. I don't think so," John replied, kissing Rodney's hair. "I don't let just anyone name things y'know."

 

"Would you let me name this beach?" Rodney asked.

 

"Depends. What you gonna call it? Sheppard Sands? Rodney's Point?" John asked.

 

Rodney snorted, and then giggled. "And you think other people shouldn't name stuff! I dunno. I was thinking something for both of us. Not sure what. McSheppard Beach maybe?"

 

"Hmmm." John kissed Rodney's hair again. "How about Collar Bay?" he asked, his fingers finding the smooth metal on Rodney's neck, and tracing over the engraving of his name. It gave him such a thrill to find it there, nestled so close to Rodney's skin.

 

"Yeah," Rodney said softly. He turned his head and gazed at John, his eyes bright and happy. "Yes. That's it. Collar Bay."

 

 

~*~

 

 

Rodney woke to find the first rosy hints of dawn on the horizon. He was wrapped up in a blanket, his body nestled into John's, both of them entwined, John’s hands clasped protectively around his waist. Beside them, the fire had burnt itself out, and the table and chairs a few feet away looked kind of lost and forlorn now that the romance of the night was over.

 

Rodney moved his head, and heard the sound of his collar chinking. He smiled and reached up immediately to touch the smooth metal, remembering the sultry events of the previous night. He glanced at his top to find John lying there, eyes open and watching him, hair lifting in the light, morning breeze, a little smile on his face.

 

"Hey. Do you like it?" John asked, reaching out to touch the collar himself, his fingers trailing over Rodney's neck at the same time, as if he couldn't keep his hands off either the collar or Rodney. "The collar is a family heirloom – my parents gave it to me when I was twenty-one and it's sat in the box ever since, waiting for the right person to come along. The identity tag is brand new - I got the engraving on it done by an Athosian artisan yesterday afternoon."

 

He traced his fingers over the elegant lettering. John Sheppard.

 

“I didn't want it to say "belongs to", or "property of", like they often do," John continued. "You know what you are to me. Besides, I thought the underside said it well enough – and that's just between you and me."

 

Rodney ran his finger along the underside, his finger spelling out the single word written there.

 

"It's perfect," he said, because it was. Perfect and classy.

 

John leaned over and kissed him, and Rodney’s body responded the way it always did to John’s touch. There was no time for sex though - the sun was now a glowing ball on the horizon, and it was time to get back to the city. Reluctantly, the two men stood up, both naked and shivering slightly in the cool morning air. Rodney pulled his clothes on quickly and then surveyed the remains of the previous night's meal.

 

"Leave it," John said, grabbing the blankets. "I'll come back and clear away later."

 

He took hold of Rodney’s hand, and they walked up the beach together towards the jumper. Rodney paused when they got to the grassy verge at the top, and glanced back. The beach curved around, broad and sandy, and the sun was glinting brightly on the tops of the waves, making everything sparkle.

 

“We’ll come back,” John said, wrapping an arm around his waist. “A lot.”

 

“Yeah. If the Wraith don’t get us, or we don’t end up in a Genii prison cell…or worse, one of us ends up trapped somewhere, and the other is halfway across the galaxy powerless to help them and we’re separated….” Rodney trailed off, suddenly realising that this kind of intense love brought with it a whole raft of new things to be scared of.

 

“Ssh.” John placed a quiet kiss on the back of his neck. “There’s nowhere you could be that I wouldn’t come looking for you. I’d take on the whole universe if I had to.”

 

Rodney shivered because there was a tone of such intensity in John’s voice. He remembered the way his top had been a couple of days ago, and knew that however jealous he might get of Hicks, and all the people who routinely threw themselves at his top, he would never, ever underestimate the depth of John’s love for him. It had a dark edge, but Rodney could handle that. In fact, it helped him relax knowing that John’s emotions ran so deep. In the past, Rodney had never been able to let himself go and truly surrender himself to anyone because he doubted them too much. You couldn’t doubt John. He was the real deal.

 

They turned, and walked the rest of the way back to the puddle jumper and then flew across the ocean towards the bright lights of the city. John walked him to the door of his quarters, and then kissed him again.

 

“I’m gonna take a shower and get changed. I’ll drop by and pick you up in about half an hour so we can go to the mess hall,” he said.

 

“I guess it’d be easier if we were living together,” Rodney murmured, gazing at his top thoughtfully. He knew John wanted that, and he knew that he did too on some level, especially now that he was collared, but still he wasn’t quite there yet.

 

Giving up his quarters would mean losing the last aspects of his independence, and he wanted some time to get used to being collared before he committed to that. He suspected that being a collared sub brought changes enough of its own – changes that he might not always find easy.

 

“Yeah, it would, but I’m not hassling about that. In fact, I’m just going to leave that up to you,” John told him. “I won’t mention it again – just let me know when you’re ready.”

 

Rodney nodded, feeling a surge of gratitude towards his top. He never compared John to Bates, because the two tops were so completely different in their view of how to treat a sub, but he knew plenty of tops who wouldn’t be happy living apart from their collared sub. It meant a lot to him that John wasn’t going to press that issue.

 

Rodney took a shower and then wandered out into the bedroom, still naked, his hair dripping. He turned, and, catching sight of himself in the mirror, he paused, his eyes going to the flash of metal at his neck. He stopped and took a good look at himself. He looked completely different – to his own eyes at least. His body was more relaxed and loose-limbed than he’d ever seen it – usually he held himself in a stiff, tense way. His skin looked like it was glowing, and there was a perfect red bite mark on his ass. He ran his fingers over it, looking over his shoulder into the mirror. It looked beautiful – his top had placed it on his skin to serve as a constant reminder that he now belonged to the man who had collared him. Rodney tingled just looking at it. He turned and looked at himself more closely, and a collared sub stared back at him, lips curving into a happy grin as he trailed his fingers over his collar.

 

“Idiot,” he told himself, because this kind of ridiculous behaviour wasn’t something he expected of himself, but he couldn’t help it. He had never expected to be collared, but it had happened, and he felt so good about it he couldn’t stop himself from smiling.

 

He got dressed in his uniform, and surveyed himself again. The sleek metal collar glinted, clearly visible just above the open neck of his shirt. Nobody would be able to miss it. The engraving on it was clear and bold as well – you wouldn’t even have to get too close to see who had collared him.

 

He was still smiling when John dropped by ten minutes later. They walked to the mess hall together, side by side, arms touching, and when they got there, John grinned at him, and pushed him towards the food, while he went and sat down at a table.

 

Rodney felt ridiculously self-conscious as picked up a tray. When he got to the food he realised, with a wave of panic, that he had no idea what kinds of things John ate for breakfast. His top seemed to know exactly what *he* liked but Rodney had never paid much attention to what John liked. In the end, he decided to heap his tray full of a variety of everything, taking far more than even both of them would be able to eat. Then he walked back over to where John was sitting and put the tray in front of him. John gazed at it, and then burst out laughing.

 

“I know we used up a lot of calories last night but this is ridiculous,” he said. “Are you really this hungry?”

 

“Nope. Just…oh I have no idea what you eat,” Rodney sighed.

 

“This is so scarily you,” John said, still surveying the tray, still laughing.

 

At that moment Teyla came up, bearing her own tray. She sat down beside them and her gaze immediately fixed on the collar around Rodney’s neck. She inclined her head.

 

“Dr McKay, Colonel Sheppard. I offer you my warmest congratulations. I had wondered when you would collar Dr McKay,” she said to John. “I am pleased that it has happened. Our missions will be much simpler now, I think.”

 

Rodney snorted at that. He glanced at the tray, wondering when the hell John was going to start feeding them both.

 

“Thank you, Teyla.” John inclined his head towards her in return. “As for the missions – hopefully, but I think we both have some work to do on that.”

 

“Wait a minute…” Rodney said. “You were wondering when John would collar me? You *knew* about us?”

 

“Of course. I have watched Colonel Sheppard struggle with his feelings towards you for some time now,” she told him. “I have tried to teach him some meditations and simple physical routines to help him cope with his emotions but collaring you was always the best option. I am sure that he will find it easier now.”

 

“Right.” Rodney glanced at his top. John just shrugged.

 

“That time…you know, the planet of the sex-starved tops,” he said. “Teyla figured it out from there.”

 

“It took me several hours to bring him down after that expedition,” Teyla said, with a little smile in John’s direction.

 

“What she means is that she kicked my ass all around the practice room until she’d worn the fight out of me and then, when I was too exhausted to argue, she told me I had to tell you how I was feeling.” John made a face at him. “So I did.”

 

“I also told him he had to apologise for his behaviour towards you. I am sure that it must have been very puzzling for you, Dr McKay,” Teyla said.

 

Rodney didn’t reply to that because he was too busy focussing his attention back on the tray, thinking that if he’d been feeding himself he’d probably be done by now. What the hell was taking John so long? It was perfectly possible to talk and eat at the same time!

 

At that moment Ford bounced up. He sat down beside them, and flashed Teyla one of his boyish grins. Rodney rolled his eyes – all of Ford’s boyish grins had so far failed to melt Teyla’s heart so he had no idea why Ford kept bothering.

 

“Man, you must be hungry, Colonel,” Ford said, glancing at John’s tray. Then he paused, and glanced back again, noticing how the two men only had one tray between them. “Oh shit. Holy freaking shit!” he said, a wide grin spreading from ear to ear. “You’re sharing a freaking plate!” His gaze flickered over the collar around Rodney’s neck, and then he grabbed John’s hand and shook it enthusiastically. “Congratulations sir, although…you know, Rodney?” He made a face. “I think you could’a done better,” he said in a conspiratorial undertone that Rodney caught all the same.

 

“Thank you, Ford,” John drawled, in that slow, deadly, ironic way he had. “But I doubt that.” He glanced at Rodney with a look that took all the sting out of Ford’s words.

 

“Okay. I’ll take your word for it,” Ford said. “Way to go, Rodney. Landing the colonel here.” He sat back down and stuck a forkful of sausage into his mouth. Rodney envied him.

 

“If the congratulating is out of the way, can we eat now?” Rodney asked plaintively.

 

John grinned at him and reached for his fork. “Am I too slow for you?” he said.

 

“Well, seeing as how you’re about the slowest eater I’ve ever met, Colonel, and McKay is the fastest, I’d have said you two are gonna have some fun mealtimes,” Ford grinned.

 

Rodney glowered at him, and then gazed back at the tray with a meaningful expression on his face. Finally - *finally* - John pushed some eggs onto his fork. He was just about to hold it up to Rodney’s mouth when Carson arrived.

 

“Hey Doc.” The fork remained on the plate as Carson sat down beside them and John turned to greet him. Rodney sighed. Carson’s blue eyes missed nothing of course - he immediately took in the sight of Rodney’s sleek metal collar, and his face broke into a big smile.

 

“I can see you wasted no time at all, Colonel!” he beamed. “Congratulations to you, laddie. This is the best news!”

 

He got up and insisted on wrapping John in a big bear hug. Rodney scowled as the fork was now abandoned while John and Carson shared a little toppy celebration. Then Carson was advancing around the table on him and, after a glance to John for permission, was forcing him into a big bear hug too.

 

“Rodney, I’m so happy for you!” he said, overcome with emotion. “Damn it, why do I always get so misty-eyed when a collaring has taken place?” He wiped the sleeve of his white coat over his eyes. “Honestly, and when I think of the pair of you just a few months ago, sitting at this very table and swearing blind that you were neither of you interested in either collaring or being collared. You, laddie.” He fixed John with a fierce glare. “You said it was more trouble than it was worth. And you, laddie.” He turned to Rodney and subjected him to an equally fierce glare. “You said it was a total waste of time. And now look at the pair of you! Sitting here, sharing a plate.” He gave another of those beaming smiles, his eyes looking suspiciously glassy.

 

“Yes, well, it isn’t a big deal,” Rodney said testily.

 

“Absolutely not,” John agreed, nodding, and looking faintly alarmed by Carson’s very public display of sentimentality. “I just thought a collar would keep him out of trouble.”

 

“Really?” Ford grinned around his mouthful of food, sounding utterly incredulous. “Because, you know, this is McKay we’re talking about here.”

 

“Yes, thank you, Ford,” Rodney glowered.

 

“Was it a romantic moment?” Carson asked, with a little sigh, one hand on each man’s shoulders. “I do love hearing about romantic collarings.”

 

John and Rodney glanced at each other, and Rodney felt John’s foot press very firmly on his toes under the table.

 

“Not really,” they both said, shaking their heads.

 

“Nah. We don’t really go in for all that hearts and flowers type stuff,” John added.

 

Rodney gazed at him across the table, remembering a candlelit table on a beach, a roaring fire, and the stars overhead as they made love, waves lapping gently on the seashore just yards away.

 

“Yeah. Not our style. Not a romantic bone in our bodies, remember?” Rodney said.

 

“Hmm.” Carson gazed at them both suspiciously. “Okay, lads, if that’s the way you want to play it.” He clapped them both on the shoulders again.

 

Rodney’s eyes lit up as he saw John pick up the fork once more, and he didn’t notice Carson getting up to stand on his chair until it was too late.

 

“Listen up, people – there’s been a collaring!” Carson hollered to the entire mess hall. “Brave man that he is, our own good Colonel Sheppard has decided to collar the redoubtable Dr McKay!”

 

He started clapping his hands, and a ripple of applause went around the room. People started to get up and come over, and Rodney’s heart sank as they were surrounded by a crowd wanting to shake John’s hand, and take a look at Rodney’s collar. Now there was no chance of breakfast as they dealt with the tumult around them.

 

Carson settled down at the table again, pushed his spoon into his bowl of cereal, and fixed Rodney with a beaming smile. “Well, if you will lie to your doctor, laddie, you must accept the consequences,” he said, and then he broke out laughing at Rodney’s glowering response.

 

Rodney never did get to eat his breakfast. He ended up grabbing a donut on his way to the lab, and rushed in half an hour late for work, grinning at everyone on his way to his workstation because, despite missing breakfast, and the embarrassment of everyone standing around looking at his neck, it *had* been pretty damn cool to show off to the world that *he* was now Colonel John Sheppard's collared sub.

 

Miko glanced up, as she always did when he entered the room, and started to give him one of her respectful little bows – and then paused as she caught sight of the metal around his neck. She gave an audible gasp, got up, and went into one of the most elaborate bowing rituals Rodney had ever seen her give.

 

“Dr McKay! Oh…Dr McKay! You have been collared. I am so happy for you. Who is the person you have honoured with your submission? Oh…I see it is Colonel Sheppard!”

 

Rodney detected a note of disappointment in her eyes and wondered whether that crush she had on his brain might also have extended to his body, or whether she just didn’t think John was worthy of him. Although, judging by the look in her eyes, he doubted she thought *anyone* was worthy of him.

 

“I do hope that you and the colonel will be very happy,” she said. “And if you are not then you must not stay with him,” she added firmly.

 

“Yes, thank you. I’ll be sure to bear that in mind,” Rodney replied, wondering if he was going to be able to avoid a repeat of all the fuss that had just taken place in the mess hall.

 

It was not to be. Those of his staff who hadn’t been in the mess hall all came up to congratulate him. Now that he was collared, nobody shook his hand or touched his arm, and he noticed the difference immediately. It gave him a tiny little thrill. His body was now the very public property of John Sheppard. The collar proclaimed it, and the rules of their own society acknowledged it. Nobody would touch him from now on without seeking John’s permission first.

 

“Yes, yes, yes, thank you everyone but could we please get back to work!” Rodney announced, after it had all gone on for long enough in his view. Much as he enjoyed being the centre of attention he wasn't used to it, and it freaked him out a little. Plus - he was starving! The crowd around him finally dispersed and he reached for his donut longingly, his stomach now rumbling alarmingly – and then caught sight of Radek, gazing at him steadily from his work station.

 

“Did you want to congratulate me too?” he growled.

 

“Not really.” Radek gave a tight little smile, and Rodney felt vaguely insulted. “I mean, is good if belonging to another person is what you want.” He gave a dismissive little shrug.

 

Rodney frowned. “Hello! Sub!” He pointed at himself.

 

“Yes, yes. I know.” Radek shrugged again. “Toppy sub who terrorises all under his command,” he muttered to himself as he turned away.

 

“Radek, do you have a problem with me?” Rodney asked, surprised by Radek’s tone. Radek turned back to him, his expression softening.

 

“No, no I do not. I just…you said many times you were not interested in top in your life and now...poof!” Radek threw up his hands dramatically. “I thought maybe you were one of the more sensible ones, despite many indications that you are complete raving madman most of the time. No, please, do not listen to me. This is happy occasion, yes? Congratulations, Rodney.”

 

Rodney leaned in close, trying to keep their conversation as private as possible. He was surprised to find that Radek’s lack of enthusiasm actually hurt him a little. He hadn’t realised how much he’d come to view Radek as a good friend.

 

“Did you have your eye on John yourself?” he asked, with a little grin, trying for some humour.

 

“No. Am not sub,” Radek told him.

 

“Well you sure as hell didn’t have your eye on me,” Rodney snorted.

 

“No.” Radek rolled his eyes. “Am not top, either. Or switch. Also, not interested in men. Only women.” He said that in a defiant little whisper, as if scared of Rodney’s response. Rodney rocked back on his heels, finally figuring it out. It didn’t bother him at all – hell, after his upbringing he was hardly one to judge.

 

“Ah. I see. Pervert,” he grinned, defusing the situation with a joke. Radek shook his head and gave a little snort of laughter, visibly relaxing.

 

“I tell Colonel Sheppard you go around hugging us all today,” he said. Rodney’s grin faded.

 

“Don’t even joke about it,” he said.

 

“Or that you are rude to Lady Elizabeth. That you like to polish Miko’s shiny boots. That you disobey his orders when he is not around. Yes?”

 

Rodney snorted, and shook his head. “Man, I’m so screwed, you pervy little blackmailer.”

 

Radek grinned at him, and Rodney grinned back. He might not identify with Radek’s frankly weird sexuality, but he hadn’t realised how much the Czech scientist’s good opinion mattered to him. Radek was one of those people who crept up on you – one minute he was just Rodney’s lab dogsbody, and next he realised the guy was one of his closest friends.

 

Elizabeth dropped by the lab later that morning.

 

"Busy?" she asked him, her gaze flickering to the collar around his neck, although she made no mention of it. Something about the way she asked the question made it abundantly clear that unless the city was under attack then the right answer to her question should be "no".

 

"Always," he replied instead. "But I can spare you half an hour."

 

"I'm honoured." She inclined her head towards him with a little smile. He expected to go to her office, but she walked him instead down to the east pier. They stood there, looking out over the sunlit ocean, and Rodney wondered what this was all about. She didn't say anything for a long time, and he found himself fidgeting nervously. Then, finally, she turned to him, and her eyes were serious.

 

"Rodney, you're not one of my submissives, but I've always had a special soft spot for you, as you know," she said.

 

"Uh, not really," he murmured, surprised. She frowned at him.

 

"Rodney," she said softly, in a chiding tone. They went back a long way, she and him. She'd always championed him, even when he'd been deeply unpopular with the SGC. Despite his brilliance, they found him a nuisance, and he'd had run-ins with various high-ranking officials who hadn't taken too kindly to his manner. Elizabeth had seen past that, and it had been at her express command that he'd been appointed Head of Science on this expedition.

 

"Okay. Yes," he agreed, flushing slightly.

 

"I was upset that you were so unhappy during our early days here, and now – well, I only have to look at you to see that you're thriving, and I believe that's because you've found the right top," she said, and her gaze flickered to the name on his collar again. "However…I wanted to check that you know what you're doing. John Sheppard is a good man – I like him enormously – but is he what you want? I never thought I'd see you collared to be honest. You were always so dead set against it, and your personality doesn't take kindly to being curbed, even by the kindest of tops. And I'm not entirely sure that Sheppard is likely to be a particularly lenient dominant, despite your obvious personal chemistry with him."

 

Rodney gazed at her, aghast. She sighed.

 

"Rodney, before I left Earth, I had a collared submissive," she told him. "At one point I had several, but over the course of time I realised that it was more rewarding for me, on a personal level, to have only one. Simon was a doctor. He was an extremely willing submissive, and I loved him very much. He was respectful and kind, excellent at his job, and we had many things in common. And yet…." She sighed again, and examined her hands. "When I knew I was coming on this expedition, I asked him to come with me. He was collared, but we weren't married. I knew he loved me, but he loved his job too…and, despite our love and obvious compatibility, he chose to stay behind. I had no option but to rescind his collar – I could hardly expect him to wait for me to come back from god knew where, and he was a submissive who required a strong and loving top. He would have been unhappy alone. I had to set him free."

 

"Why are you telling me all this, Elizabeth?" Rodney asked quietly. Elizabeth was an extremely private person, and he felt honoured that she had shared this with him – but at the same time confused as to what she was getting at.

 

"Because you are too important to this expedition, and to me, personally, for you to be unhappy. We've all seen the consequences of you being unhappy and it's not something that I, for one, wish to go through again," she said, in a heartfelt tone. Rodney shut his eyes, briefly, and his breath caught in his throat as he remembered the humiliation and pain of the judicial punishments he'd endured.

 

"Me neither," he muttered.

 

"I feel that I failed you then and I don't want to fail you again," she told him firmly. "It's hard to live and work so closely together – and a collaring isn't a marriage. I thought that Simon would wear my collar forever but life didn't work out that way."

 

"You're afraid of what will happen if John and I split up," Rodney said slowly. She shook her head.

 

"I know life doesn’t come with any guarantees," she said. "I just need to know, after all those issues with Bates, that you've thought this through – that you weren't just swept up in the moment. I can see that you're clearly happy with Sheppard – I've never seen you look so good to be honest – but wearing someone's collar is about more than just the excitement and romance. Sometimes submission is hard, Rodney. Hell, dominance is too!" She gave a little laugh. "Some subs refuse to be collared – they know themselves well enough to know they could never truly submit to anyone else, despite their sexual inclinations."

 

"You think I'm one of those subs?" Rodney asked.

 

"No. I don't. I think that you'll find safety, security and contentment in your collar," she told him. "And I think those are things you've craved for a very long time. But they come with a price."

 

"I love him," Rodney told her, shaking his head. "And I trust him. I don't know what else to say."

 

"That is all I wanted to hear," she said softly, smiling for the first time. "Now, I spoke to Colonel Sheppard earlier, and he gave me permission to do this."

 

She took hold of his shoulders, and bestowed a kiss on each of his cheeks. He remembered how she'd kissed his forehead when he'd been injured, and he felt an enormous wave of loyalty and respect for her. She had been trying to give him an opening today, a way to admit if he wasn't entirely happy, and he had clearly banished any doubts she had on that score.

 

"Congratulations, Rodney," she told him, smiling broadly now. "I hope you'll be very happy."

 

"Well I thought I was going to be but you've freaked me out now!" he complained. She laughed out loud.

 

"I just needed to be sure," she said drawing back, smiling at him fondly, one hand resting on his cheek. "To be honest, I think he's good for you. But finding your submission isn't easy. There will be times when you’ll find it very hard indeed, but I don't think you'll ever seriously doubt that you made the right decision when you bent your head to take his collar. He has an intensity that I hadn't suspected at first – I think I was taken in, as we all were, by that casual exterior. And although the road can, sometimes, be hard, I envy you the journey, with all its ups and downs. I loved having a collared sub, and one day I hope to collar someone again. It's as beautiful as it can be hard. I would never have guessed that you and Sheppard of all people would end up together, but you make a strange kind of sense! You complement each other somehow."

 

She smiled at him again, and then her demeanour changed, and became much more brisk and businesslike, and he realised just how honoured he had been to get a little glimpse of the woman behind the leader.

 

"I hope you find someone," he said, quickly. "Although, frankly, I'm not sure if anyone around here is good enough for you."

 

She grinned. "I felt the same way about you," she said. "As I'm sure Colonel Sheppard will tell you when you see him. I gave him quite a grilling. I wanted to be sure he knew what he was taking on, how he felt about you, and that he'd treat you properly."

 

"Oh god. What did you say to him?"

 

"That you'd be a handful, that you'd drive him insane at times, and did he know what he was getting into," she said. He felt himself bristling at that but she calmed him with a look. "And that you were special, and that you'd be worth it," she added softly.

 

He gazed at her, feeling a little winded. She grinned. "Now, I've kept you from your work for long enough. I know how busy and important you are." She gave him a sly wink at that. "See you later, Rodney."

 

She took off, a willowy, compact figure in her tight red leather suit. She always looked so in control and in command. He'd never guessed the heartache that lay behind that calm façade.

 

He tried to imagine what would happen if he or John got a job offer somewhere else, and the other one didn't want to go with them. His work had always been the most important thing in his life up until now but he was starting to see that there was a whole lot more to this collar around his neck than just regular sessions of extremely hot sex.

 

"Hey," a voice broke into his reverie and he turned to see John striding up the hallway towards him. John put a hand on his shoulder, and guided him back out onto the pier without even breaking his stride. Rodney was suddenly acutely aware of the ease and familiarity of John's touch on his body. It had only been a morning, but already he could feel the vast difference between the way others avoided touching him compared with John's casual ease and sense of ownership when handling his body. "You just have the big conversation with Elizabeth?" John asked, looking a little grim.

 

"Yeah." Rodney made a face at him. "Kind of brought me down to earth," he said with a sigh.

 

"Me too. But she's right in a way. We've never talked about where this is going for us, or even how our dynamic will pan out. I just…" John hesitated and then looked him squarely in the eye. "I meant what I said about us taking the journey together," he said. "This is as new to me as it is to you. I never thought I'd collar anyone – just as you never thought you'd accept anyone's collar. I don't have all the answers and I doubt I ever will, but maybe we need to talk about the issue. I've never been the kind of top who wanted to share a plate with anyone before, or who got jealous when my sub was touched, and as for the way I got a couple of days ago when you were wearing the shield and when I thought you'd died…hell, this stuff is all new to me."

 

"And me," Rodney agreed.

 

"Where…" John licked his full lower lip, looking agitated. "Where do you want to go with your submission, Rodney? I can take you down as far as you want to go, but I never want to change you. I like you being you too much."

 

"I'm just going to trust you to get it right – and I'll tell you if you don't," Rodney replied. "I've never trusted anyone enough to even attempt it before but with you…it's different. To be honest, I don't think I ever found my own subspace before you came along and it's not always easy getting there, but when I'm in that zone it all feels so damn good. I want you to go further, John. I want you to test my limits."

 

"Damn it." John glanced around. "I wish I could test them right now. It's making me feel horny just talking about it." He placed his hands on Rodney's butt and pulled him in close, resting their foreheads together. "I know what she was trying to say, and I accept it will sometimes be hard, but you're mine, Rodney, and I will never, ever, voluntarily rescind your collar, whatever happens."

 

Rodney wrapped his big hands around John's back and stroked him, feeling the intensity of emotion vibrating along the hard lines of John's muscles. Despite everything, he couldn't help but think that maybe Elizabeth's reality check had done them both good.

 

Rodney was reminded of his conversation with Elizabeth just a few days later, when the team went on a trading mission to a world Teyla had visited in the past.

 

"The Athosians have traded with them many times. They are good people," she told Rodney, as they began the two day walk to the village.

 

"People who make us walk through forests for two days just because they're afraid of technology don't get included in my definition of 'good'," Rodney grumbled, disliking the weight of his pack on his shoulders, and the continuous trickle of sweat that was pooling in the small of his back.

 

"They are not afraid," Teyla replied calmly. "They simply believe that technology is an insult to their gods, and refuse to allow it into their dwellings."

 

"Well more fool them," Rodney groused. "I'm sure they'd be a lot happier if they had electricity and running water but no, they prefer to keep things natural because their 'gods' say so."

 

"You're just pissed because we have to walk to meet them rather than take the jumper," Ford grinned, meandering along like an over-energetic puppy, seemingly completely untroubled by the weight of his pack.

 

"Hello! Yes. I am!" Rodney said, rolling his eyes at how obvious that statement was.

 

"At least it's not raining," John commented, in that annoyingly cheerful tone he sometimes adopted. "Remember last time we had to go trekking like this? It rained the whole time."

 

"Whereas now it's just blazingly hot," Rodney snapped, glancing up at the two baking suns that were shining down on them relentlessly. "So we won't drown but we might well burn to death. Thank god I brought my sunscreen."

 

They reached the edge of the settlement a day and a half later, and Teyla stopped.

 

"We must not take guns or any electrical equipment into the village," she said earnestly.

 

"Okay. I'm not exactly happy about the guns thing but as you can vouch for these people I'll live with it," John sighed, unholstering various items of weaponry and handing them to Ford. Finally, he and Teyla both removed their radios and handed them over too. "Right – Ford, McKay – you both stay here and guard the equipment. Teyla and I will go talk to the natives."

 

"You mean we walked all this way just to stand outside?" Rodney asked plaintively.

 

"It should not take too long," Teyla said. "We will pay our respects to them, and, if they are happy to trade with us, then they will invite us into their circle for refreshments."

 

"Fine. I just hope the refreshments are damn good to make up for all this walking," Rodney groused.

 

"Be good, Rodney," John said, gazing at him meaningfully as he set off with Teyla.

 

Rodney rolled his eyes at his top's back as John disappeared into the village. Then Rodney removed his pack, and used it as a seat, picked up his laptop and opened it up. This whole mission was a giant waste of time as far as he was concerned, and he had zero patience for people who weren't interested in technology – or people who believed in 'gods' for that matter.

 

"You shouldn't really be using that here," Ford said, leaning against a tree. "These people aren't comfortable with technology. Why'd you even bring it with you?"

 

"Because I suspected I might end up alone with you and thought it would be a good diversion?" Rodney suggested irascibly. Ford was okay, but his sly digs always rubbed Rodney up the wrong way, and he hadn't forgiven the lieutenant for telling John that he could do better than Rodney.

 

"Whatever. Man, I have no idea what the colonel sees in you," Ford muttered.

 

Rodney ignored him, and continued working on his laptop. He detected a strange energy reading, and frowned, then opened up the parameters to get more of a fix on it.

 

"Shit," he said, dropping the laptop as if it was white hot.

 

"What?" Ford reached instinctively for his gun.

 

"This…is amazing." Rodney picked up the laptop again, completely stunned. "I wonder if Teyla's technophobe friends would like to explain how, on a planet with no technology, there's a massive energy source sitting right over…there." Rodney twirled round, and then pointed over to one side, towards a clearing, still tracking the energy reading on the laptop. He started walking towards it.

 

"McKay! Hey, McKay – where are you going?" Ford called.

 

Rodney kept on walking. "To find the source of this reading of course."

 

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Ford said.

 

"Are you kidding? Or maybe you don't understand." Rodney turned, irritated. "An energy source this big can only belong to one thing – a ZPM."

 

"Great. I know we need one. But the colonel told us to wait here."

 

"Well yes, but that's because he didn't know I'd find a ZPM over *there*," Rodney said slowly, as if explaining things to an imbecile.

 

"Why don't we just wait until he comes back and then we can all go look for it together?" Ford suggested.

 

"Why wait?" Rodney screwed up his face into a frown. "It's a ZPM, Ford! With this, I'll be able to get Atlantis working properly again! We'll have a shield, something to protect us from the Wraith! Don't you understand what that means?"

 

"Sure. I just don't see why we can't wait for the colonel," Ford said, gazing anxiously back in the direction of the village. "Besides, you're assuming that these people will just hand it over to us."

 

"They probably will," Rodney said happily. "It's no use to them after all – they don't even use technology. They probably think it's just some pretty Ancient artefact that's been lying around the place for a few thousand years. We could trade them a few crates of chocolate for it and they'd probably be happy enough."

 

He carried on walking, and a few seconds later he heard Ford run up behind him.

 

"Aren't you scared the big bad colonel will tell you off for disobeying his orders?" Rodney taunted, amused by how seriously Ford was taking this.

 

"Yeah – but I'm even more afraid of living without my balls after he's torn them off because I let you wander off alone and something bad happened to you," Ford snorted.

 

"Well, thank you for sharing that mental image," Rodney replied, making a face. "But you're making a big deal out of nothing. These people don't even have guns, remember, and we do."

 

They reached the clearing, and found a sunken temple.

 

"Hah," Rodney said. "As I thought. Clearly some kind of Ancient ruin."

 

He opened a rusty old door and walked inside, still tracking the energy source on his laptop, and then stopped short. There, in the centre of the temple, sitting on an altar and glowing very prettily, was a ZPM.

 

"My god. It's just *sitting* there. In plain sight!" Rodney cooed, entranced by it. He had been looking for a ZPM for months, and now they'd just stumbled across one like this. He walked over to it, and examined the altar. "It's cradled in some incredibly primitive device that makes it light up – and nothing else! It performs no other function!" he exclaimed incredulously. "They've got the most powerful source of energy in the galaxy sitting here and they're using it as a lightbulb!" He reached out, and pulled the ZPM off the altar.

 

"Uh, doc – we can't just walk off with it," Ford said.

 

"Why not? I told you – they're using it to make pretty lights," Rodney snorted. "They don't *deserve* to have a ZPM. It's a total waste of its power and resources."

 

He turned and started walking back to where he'd left his pack, Ford close on his heels.

 

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Ford said.

 

"ZPM! ZPM!" Rodney told him, too excited to think straight. He was already making a mental inventory of all the systems in the city that he could get working now he had a fully powered ZPM. It made him go tingly all over just at the thought of it.

 

"Uh…McKay. You know that bad feeling I had?" Ford muttered.

 

Rodney looked up. Ahead of them was a little crowd of villagers. They didn't have any weapons but they didn't look very happy. They were spread out, creating a little wall between Rodney and his pack.

 

"I'll take care of this," Rodney said, stepping forward. "Good people, I saw…" he began, and then stopped as the crowd started to hum, menacingly, as they advanced on them. "Oh shit," he hissed.

 

"This – is scarier than if they were armed," Ford said, standing back to back with Rodney and holding up his gun helplessly. The crowd kept pushing forward until they had created a humming ring around Rodney and Ford. None of them spoke, and they wouldn't answer Rodney's repeated questions – they just stood there, humming threateningly.

 

Then, suddenly, without warning, the humming stopped.

 

"Oh thank god," Rodney said.

 

An old man pushed his way into the clearing, and with him were John and Teyla. John's body was tight and anxious, and he sought out Rodney and checked him over with his eyes to satisfy himself his sub was unharmed, and then visibly relaxed.

 

"What is the meaning of this?" the chieftain asked, gazing at Rodney.

 

"I have no idea!" Rodney replied. "One minute we were just walking along and the next they surrounded us and they were all *humming*."

 

"I mean – this." The chieftain pointed at the ZPM Rodney was clutching. "Why have you removed the Sacred Jewel of Bathsheba from her awnings?"

 

"The what? From her what?" Rodney frowned. "This isn't a sacred artefact," he sighed irritably. "It's a ZPM. A Zero Point Module. It…."

 

"Dr McKay," Teyla cut in. "I believe that it might be a ZPM to you, but to these people it *is* a scared artefact," she said.

 

"He took it from the temple, Janul," one of the villagers told the chieftain, glaring at Rodney. "He went in there with his device, and removed the sacred jewel with his own hands."

 

"Now look, if Rodney's made a mistake then he's happy to just hand the, uh, sacred jewel back," John said, stepping into the fray. "He just didn't recognise it. He thought it was something else."

 

"I thought it was a ZPM and that's exactly what it bloody well…" Rodney paused, taking in the dark expression on John's face. "A sacred jewel? Right. I can see that now. Fine. Okay."

 

"Give it back, Rodney," John said, in a warning voice.

 

"You don't think these nice people might like to trade the pretty sacred jewel for something else?" Rodney hazarded. "Like chocolate?"

 

"Take a look around you, Rodney," John said firmly. "Do they look like people who want to trade with us right now?"

 

Rodney glanced around, noticing the hostile faces, and the sense of anger that was bristling from the entire community.

 

"Not exactly," he admitted.

 

"So hand over the ZPM and then maybe we should take our leave and go," John said, slowly and calmly.

 

"Okay," Rodney squeaked, finally realising that he might actually be in danger from people he had dismissed as unarmed simpletons. He edged forward, and placed the ZPM on the floor, at the chieftain's feet.

 

The chieftain gave him a look of such haughty disdain that he wanted to crawl into a hole in the ground and die – and right now, he was thinking that might be a preferable option to walking back to the gate with an angry John Sheppard.

 

"You people have come in here and violated all we hold dear," Janul said.

 

"So, I'm guessing the trading is off?" John ventured. Janul stared at him mirthlessly. "Okay. Like I thought. Right…so, how about we just back off and return to where we came from?" John suggested. "We won't come back again. We'll just turn around and go home. Peacefully," he added pointedly. Janul gazed at him dispassionately.

 

"I think that would be best," he said. "Teyla, you are no longer welcome here, either. I wish you had not brought these violators with you. Please leave – now. We are a peaceful people but you have hurt us deeply. My people will not be able to tolerate your presence on our soil for much longer, and I cannot vouch for what they will do if you do not leave immediately."

 

"Okay, we know when we're not wanted. Ford, McKay. Let's get moving," John said. Rodney ran after the others as they took off, backing slowly away from the outraged villagers until they felt safe enough to turn tail and walk out of there. "Rodney, you're with me," John ordered, and Rodney fell into step beside his top. John reached out and his fingers dug, a little too hard, into Rodney's neck. "And please don't leave my sight until we're home," John hissed into his ear. Rodney swallowed, hard. This was bad on so many levels.

 

"My pack!" he said, suddenly remembering that he'd left it behind. "I don't have my pack!"

 

"Well we're not going back to get it," John said grimly. "Somehow I don't think they'd take very kindly to that, do you?"

 

"But, it's got my water, power bars, MREs, bedroll, everything!" Rodney wailed.

 

"I don't care. Now keep moving," John said, his fingers digging even harder into Rodney's neck as he propelled him along the dusty track through the trees.

 

---

 

Part Sixteen: The Punishment

 

 

 

They walked for several hours straight, nobody saying a word. Rodney could sense the angry tension pouring from his top's stiff body and he didn't dare open his mouth to say anything, although a whole torrent of complaints were just on the tip of his tongue.

 

Whenever he lagged behind, or if he moved too much over to one side, John would click his fingers at him and point to a position by his side. Rodney didn't dare protest so he just hurried up to where John wanted him to be – which was basically within distance of his hand at all times. Rodney was pretty sure that that was so that if he made so much as one complaint, John had easy access to the back of his head to slap it.

 

Rodney had plenty of time to dwell on what had happened as they walked, and, while at first he felt defiant and angered by the confrontation with the villagers, he soon felt that ebb away, leaving him to face up to the very unpleasant realisation that their current situation was pretty much all his fault. He was fairly sure that John would see it that way too.

 

Rodney, for all his faults, was always honest at owning up when he'd made a mistake, and this wasn't any different. He started berating himself within fifteen minutes of leaving the village and continued for the next several hours, silently going over the whole event, and kicking himself every step of the way.

 

Finally, when the village was a very long way behind them and John was sure they weren't being followed, they stopped. Teyla, John and Ford all reached for their canteens of water, and Rodney watched them, miserably. He was so thirsty that his dry mouth was all he could think about, but he'd lost his own canteen and with the atmosphere the way it was, he didn't dare ask anyone for any of their water.

 

Teyla pulled out a power bar and took a bite, and Rodney licked his lips. He was hungry too, although his thirst over-rode just about any other sensation.

 

"Rodney – come here."

 

John pointed at a spot in front of his feet, and Rodney went over obediently. John placed the canteen of water against his lips and Rodney drank, gratefully. John let him drink his fill, before replacing it in his pack. Then he pulled out a power bar. Rodney looked away. He didn't seriously expect to be fed – the water might be a biological necessity but considering he'd screwed up the entire mission, *and* lost his own pack into the bargain, he wasn't expecting any more kindness. John snapped the bar in half, and then held it up to Rodney's lips. Rodney shook his head, unable to accept it.

 

"I screwed up. I'm sorry," he muttered.

 

"Yes you did," John said calmly.

 

"We will pool our rations and share them," Teyla said, breaking off some of her power bar.

 

"No we won't," John replied. "Rodney wears my collar so I'm responsible for him. If he screwed up then I'll go short with him, but there's no reason why anyone else should. Now eat," John commanded. Rodney gazed at him mutely. "You really don't want to disobey another one of my orders today," John told him, in a hard tone.

 

Rodney opened his mouth and accepted the power bar immediately at that. He had never enjoyed eating anything less – it tasted like dust on his tongue. John fed him the rest of his half of the power bar and then gave him some more to drink, before replacing the cap on the canteen and putting it back in his pack. Then he glanced around.

 

"Okay. I'm going to keep this short because we still have some distance to cover before we can set up camp for the night. Ford – why did you disobey my orders?" John asked. Ford came to attention immediately in front of John.

 

"Sorry, sir. We got readings on the ZPM and thought it was worth checking out," he said.

 

Rodney shook his head. "He's being all noble. The truth is that he wanted to stay where you left us but I wanted to investigate the readings. I went off, and he was left with a decision as to whether to stay behind, or keep me company. He thought you'd be more annoyed with him if he let me go off alone than if he came too, so that's why he ran after me."

 

"Okay. I see. Well, Ford, you were right," John said. "Okay people." He picked up his pack again. "Let's get moving."

 

"Is that it?" Rodney said. "One question and you're done?"

 

"Oh no, Rodney. I'm not done, not by a long shot," John told him, in a tone that made Rodney shiver. "I just wanted to find out Ford's contribution to this giant fuckup. Now I know. We'll talk about your part in it when we get home. In private."

 

"Right. Okay. That sounds bad," Rodney gulped, doing an agitated dance at John's side as they set off again. "Is it as bad as it sounds?"

 

John glanced at him coolly. "I'd say yes," he replied, and then his hand came up to rest on Rodney's shoulder again, and, despite his anxiety, that calmed Rodney down, the way it always did. There was something warm and affectionate about his top's touch that reassured him, even if the hand felt a little heavy, and there was a note of warning in the caress.

 

They stopped for the night a few hours later. Teyla and John set up the tents while Rodney and Ford made a campfire on the forest floor.

 

"So, you okay?" Ford asked him, glancing over at where John was silently pitching the tent. "Is he really mad at you?"

 

"Yeah," Rodney replied miserably. "He is."

 

"I'm sorry about that," Ford said, and he sounded as if he meant it. "D'you think he'll give you a licking when we get home?"

 

Rodney's stomach did a little flip. He'd been studiously trying not to even think about what was going to happen when they got home. He and John had never even talked about discipline, and he had no idea what John's response might be to his behaviour earlier. So far, being collared had been all about incessant sex and more kissing than he'd done in his life to date so far, but he knew that being collared brought with it other responsibilities too – on both sides.

 

Before being collared, the most he might have expected after today's fuck-up was a snappy lecture about disobeying his team leader's orders, together with a reprimand from Elizabeth when they got home. Now that he was collared, things were different – and he was suddenly acutely aware of that fact.

 

"I really have no idea," he sighed. "Probably."

 

His stomach lurched again at that. John hadn't punished him once since he'd taken him as his sub, and Rodney suddenly remembered Elizabeth's words about John not being a lenient top. He wondered if she was right, and how he felt about that. John had shown a fairly light touch so far but maybe there was a small yearning in every sub to know exactly what the boundaries were and how much (or little) your top would allow you to get away with.

 

Rodney clasped his hands around his knees and gazed at the fire Ford had managed to get lit. Ford sat down beside him.

 

"Here," he said.

 

Rodney looked down and saw two squares of chocolate in Ford's hand. He glanced at Ford, and saw a look of empathy in the other man's eyes. Their former long-standing, low-level quarrel was now forgotten – at this moment in time they were both just subs who knew what it was like to be in trouble.

 

"Thanks," Rodney said, taking the chocolate and slipping it into his mouth. The gesture warmed him as much as the chocolate itself, and he started to feel a little less miserable.

 

They ate a silent meal around the fire. John shared his MRE scrupulously with Rodney, feeding him one spoonful for each of his own, but it was barely adequate, especially after the long day's walking.

 

Then came the moment Rodney dreaded. Teyla and Ford disappeared into one tent, and John went into the other. Rodney stayed out by the fire for a long time, just staring at the flames, delaying the inevitable. Finally, John stuck his head out of the tent.

 

"Rodney," he said, and his voice was weary, as if he had very little patience left.

 

Rodney got up immediately, went over to the tent, and slid inside. He had no bedroll, so he was resigned to a chilly night. He lay down, stiffly, on his back, and stared miserably at the canvas ceiling.

 

"Oh for god's sake." John reached out, and pulled him into the warmth of his own bedroll. "On your side. It'll be snug but we can fit," John said, holding him close and zipping up the sleeping bag around them both. "You didn't seriously think I'd make you sleep over there in the cold, did you?" John asked, his voice low and soft in Rodney's ear.

 

"I probably deserve it," Rodney muttered.

 

"I'll decide what you deserve," John told him. "And I'm not going to let my much loved sub freeze his ass off – it gets damn cold on this planet at night as you well know."

 

He wrapped his arms tightly around Rodney's body, and Rodney felt a warm, gentle kiss being pressed to the back of his neck. He lowered his head and kissed the patch of bare arm that was wrapped around his upper chest, feeling his body finally starting to relax. He knew he was still in trouble, but he didn't feel so miserable any more.

 

"Idiot," John whispered, kissing him again. Rodney smiled to himself. He *was* an idiot, yes, but he was also, apparently, a much loved idiot.

 

The atmosphere was much better the following day. Rodney was more relaxed after having spent the night in his top's arms, and John was smiling again which was a good sign. Rodney could almost forget that some kind of retribution lay in wait for him beyond the stargate – almost.

 

They spent several hours walking and finally arrived at the gate late in the afternoon planet time – mid-evening Atlantis time. Rodney was starving by this point, but funnily enough any sensation of hunger faded the minute they walked through the gate to find Elizabeth waiting on the other side.

 

"No luck then?" she said, seeing their disconsolate, weary faces. "They didn't want to trade with us?"

 

"We didn't exactly get that far," John replied. "Rodney – would you go and wait in my quarters please. I'll be along just as soon as I've given my Lady a full account of the mission."

 

"Right. Your quarters. Okay," Rodney said, biting on his lip. He caught the flash of sympathy in Ford's eyes as he walked past, and the mouthed, "good luck buddy" but it didn't make him feel any better.

 

He walked slowly to John's quarters and let himself in, then sat down. He would have liked a long shower and a good meal right now but he didn't dare budge from where he was. Somehow, he suspected that when John got back he'd expect his submissive to be ready and waiting for him, and not taking a shower, or shovelling food into his mouth. He felt too warm so he got up, removed his jacket and boots, and then sat down again. His feet ached from all the walking, and he was tired and miserable.

 

He ran his fingertips over the collar around his neck. Elizabeth had said that sometimes it would be difficult and he was really seeing that right now. He tried to consider whether it would be better not to be a collared sub in this situation. John would still be annoyed with him, collared or not, and, instead of coming here after the mission, he'd have gone to his quarters and stewed about how badly he'd screwed up there instead. That wasn't a very appealing option, either. At least this way there might be an eventual resolution, even if it got pretty painful along the way.

 

The door swished open and Rodney got to his feet, his stomach flip-flopping again, like a dying fish. John walked in, and began to remove his jacket. Rodney watched him, cautiously. He considered for the first time that John might *not* punish him, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that, either. John hung his jacket over the back of the chair and then turned to survey his sub.

 

"Was Elizabeth mad at me?" Rodney asked, wishing his voice hadn't just cracked so obviously as he spoke.

 

"She's more mad at me I think," John said, with a shrug.

 

"You? Why? You didn't do anything," Rodney said, stricken.

 

John shook his head. "Have you forgotten that it's my collar you're wearing? I gave you an order and you disobeyed it. She thinks that's my fault for not ensuring you knew that obeying me while on an offworld mission is not optional."

 

"Oh for god's sake! You couldn't possibly have known…" Rodney began.

 

"I agree with her," John interrupted him. "She was speaking to me as one top to another, and I could see she wasn't very impressed by my control over my sub. I'd feel the same if I'd taken Lorne out and one of his subs had done something similar."

 

"Damnit!" Rodney wrapped his arms around his body, even more distressed than before.

 

"So. We need to talk," John said, grabbing a chair, turning it round, and sitting on it back to front, his long legs stretched wide around it. "I've taken you offworld before, Rodney – before I collared you I mean – and you've always been pretty good at taking my orders – the important ones anyway. I expect that, not just as my collared sub but as someone on my team. An offworld team can only have one leader, and that's me in case you haven't noticed."

 

"I'm sorry," Rodney sighed. "I know that. It just seemed to me that the situation was different. I saw the readings of the ZPM and I thought you'd expect us to use our initiative and go find it – not just sit around waiting for you guys to come back. You didn't have your radios because those idiots wouldn't allow technology into their village so I couldn't call you."

 

"Okay. I can see how that all seems very logical to you, Rodney, but you knew they didn't want technology on their soil yet still you took your laptop into their temple, and then you *stole* their ZPM. What the hell was that about?"

 

"They weren't using it," Rodney said defensively.

 

"We don't just go places and steal stuff – it'll give us a bad name in this galaxy," John said, shaking his head. "And then nobody will want to trade with us. And, uh, in case you hadn't noticed – we really need to trade because we're running out of food – fast."

 

"I know." Rodney wrapped his arms around his body, angry with himself and still a little bit angry with the technophobe villagers as well, although he didn't think there was any point in mentioning *that* again right now.

 

"More important than all that though – I left you somewhere safe, and you wandered off somewhere else. When I got to you and found you surrounded by those guys doing all that weird humming…well, you know I don't like situations like that," John told him.

 

"Yeah." Rodney sighed, thinking that last bit was an understatement. John's emotions ran high whenever Rodney was in any kind of danger – he'd have to bear that in mind a little more when they were offworld from now on.

 

"Luckily I could see those guys hadn't touched you, and to be honest I could see why they were mad at you. I was pretty mad at you myself," John told him.

 

"Okay, okay. I know! I screwed up!" Rodney growled, all too well aware of that fact.

 

"Good. Because we have a new rule. If I *ever* give you a direct order, I expect you to obey it. I'm not going to abuse that and give you a load of orders to follow just to try and trip you up. But when I do give you an order, there'll be a reason for it, and I expect you to follow it to the letter. Understood?"

 

"Yes." Rodney bit on his lip and gazed at his boots.

 

"Oh come here."

 

John got up, and grabbed Rodney, pulling him into his arms. Rodney went gratefully, glad the lecture was finally over. He wrapped his arms around John's lean, solid body with a sigh, and rested his head against John's cheek.

 

"Are you going to punish me?" he asked, in trepidation.

 

"Yes I am," John replied. "This…" he touched his fingers to Rodney's collar, "gives me that right."

 

"Bad?" Rodney asked, starting to shake a little.

 

"Well, firm at least," John said. "We never did get around to talking about discipline, did we?"

 

Rodney shook his head. "I never thought I was going to screw up," he said.

 

"Really? Man, are you ever deluded." John gave a tight little grin. "Okay, let's talk about it now. Do you think you deserve to be punished?"

 

"Well, I won't do it again. I've learned my lesson," Rodney said hopefully. It was worth a try.

 

"Which doesn't answer my question at all." John raised an eyebrow.

 

"Oh alright - I suppose so. I don't like it though," Rodney said.

 

"You're not supposed to," John told him. "Do you accept that I have the right to punish you?"

 

"Yes. Of course." Rodney shrugged. That one went without saying. That was the way their society worked, whether he liked it or not. He could have chosen not to accept the collar, and then John wouldn't have the right to punish him, but he had wanted the collar and this came with it. Elizabeth was right – there was a price to be paid.

 

"Okay. Look, Rodney – I hope we don't have to do this very often but I'll always be fair. If you think you shouldn't be punished then I'll listen. I might not agree with you, and my word goes at the end of the day, but you'll always get a fair hearing."

 

"Thank you." Rodney bowed his head slightly.

 

"Alright – let's get on with this then. Go over to the box and bring me my paddle."

 

Rodney swallowed down hard, and then he went over to the box on the nightstand and opened it. He had thought of this particular box of tricks with anticipatory delight in the past. In John's skilful hands, the items inside had brought him to heights of exquisite pleasure.

 

This was different though, and they both knew it. This was serious, and he knew he wasn't going to be getting off on it. He also had no doubt that John's hands were just as skilful at punishment as they were at pleasure. He could still remember that judicial spanking John had given him, before he became his top. Rodney had never been taken down so far in his life, so he was all too well aware of just how good John was at handing out punishments.

 

Rodney found the sleek, black, leather paddle, drilled through with holes so it went through the air faster, and he pulled it out of the box, then returned to John's side and handed it to him.

 

"Thank you. Now unfasten your pants and go and stand in front of the wall," John told him. Rodney did as he was told, his stomach flip-flopping in earnest now. This was so not going to be good. "Hands on the wall – ass out. That's it," John said, guiding him into the exact position he wanted him in. "Remember how I want you to stand – because next time I want you to get into position quickly, just like this."

 

"Yes, John," Rodney muttered, secretly vowing that there wouldn't ever *be* a next time, even though he knew that was unlikely. He felt John's hands on his waistband, and then his pants and boxers were yanked down, hard and fast, all the way to his ankles, leaving his ass exposed.

 

“Kick them off,” John ordered, and Rodney quickly got rid of the pants and boxers, toeing them against the wall. "Legs wider apart," John told him, and he felt the cool leather of the paddle between his thighs, pushing his legs open further. He did as he was told, and then John pulled his legs back a little too, making his ass stick right out. His legs were spread so wide that he knew he wouldn't be able to clench against the coming onslaught and he knew, also, that that was why John had positioned him like this. The man knew his art all too well.

 

Rodney rested his head against his hands, where they were rested flat against the wall, and closed his eyes. He took a deep gulp of air as he felt John's hand rest on his ass for a moment, and then he heard a whistling sound, and next thing he knew he was reeling from the first deep, painful stroke of the paddle.

 

He bit on his lip, anxious not to cry out. He'd earned this fair and square, and he didn't want to cry, like he had that time back in the punishment room several weeks previously. He might make a big deal out of every minor injury he sustained, but when it came to this kind of pain, Rodney preferred to keep his reactions quiet and restrained. It was a defence mechanism against anyone knowing how much it really hurt.

 

The paddle pounded down again, hard and stinging, and Rodney realised that when John gave a punishment he really *meant* it, from the very first stroke. There was no warm up, no caresses, and John didn't pull back on his strokes, either.

 

Rodney leaned into his hands, trying to hide his gulping response to the pain. John continued to rain down a flurry of hard strokes on Rodney's proffered ass, and it was all he could do to stay in position and take them.

 

"You're holding out on me, Rodney," John told him. He paused for a moment, and Rodney gulped for air, welcoming the respite. He felt John stand close behind him, and then his top was cupping his hot, sore ass cheeks with his hands, making Rodney hiss with pain. "You're mine, Rodney. All of you. I want to see your honest response. Don't hold back."

 

He stepped away, and Rodney braced himself as the strokes began again. They were even, and carefully spaced, but god they hurt. He didn't know what to make of what John had just said to him. He guessed that his top wanted to get more of a reaction from him – maybe he even wanted him to break down in tears again - but Rodney had a small streak of stubbornness, buried deep inside, and he couldn't give his top that satisfaction.

 

He loosened up though, giving into the pain, and began to holler and curse. It felt good to greet every single stroke with a yell of cathartic anger, and he found the tension of the past few days dissipating with each hard stroke.

 

John didn't spare him – when he'd finished with Rodney's butt he laid down some extremely hard strokes between his sub's thighs, and then some more just beneath his buttocks, on the top of his legs. Rodney hated it – that was the worst place to be spanked, and it hurt so goddamn much. He squealed and called John every name under the sun, but John's arm was unrelenting, and he didn't stop for a second.

 

Just when Rodney was sure it was over, and John was finishing, he returned to Rodney's ass, laying down several more hard, flat strokes, and Rodney threw his head back and gave a scream of sheer annoyance. He had hoped John would finish soon, because he honestly wasn't sure how much he could take, but now John seemed to be whaling into him in earnest, and it didn't look like it'd ever stop.

 

Finally, arms quivering, Rodney laid his head back down on his arms once more and accepted the rest of his punishment without a murmur, completely exhausted.

 

Then, finally, it stopped. Rodney blinked, but he was too tired to move. He heard John walk away and the sound of the paddle being returned to the box. God that had been bad. Rodney glanced over his shoulder to see his flaming red ass, evidence of just how bad it had been. He could hear the gentle clinking of the collar around his neck, reminding him why he had just stood here through that ordeal. Elizabeth had been right – John was, most definitely, not a lenient top.

 

"I want you to stay there," John told him. "You can stand up straight now but I don't want you to touch your ass."

 

Rodney pushed himself away from the wall and stood there, all his limbs trembling. He felt completely washed out, as if someone had reached into his soul and dragged its substance out of his body, kicking and screaming all the way.

 

"Hold your shirt up," John ordered as he walked past again. Now that he was standing straight his shirt was hanging down a little way over his spanked ass.

 

"What?" Rodney frowned, turning to look at his top, still feeling annoyed.

 

"Hold it up. I want to see that punished ass on display whenever I look at you," John told him. "You can stand there until I think you're done."

 

"What the hell does that mean?" Rodney growled mutinously. He felt raw inside, as if the slightest thing would set him off and make him lose his temper.

 

"It means that I'll tell you when you can move. Now shirt up. Do it," John insisted in a hard tone.

 

Rodney gathered up his shirt in his hand and pulled it up, away from his hot ass, cursing John under his breath as he did so. The spanking had been bad enough but this humiliation was almost worse. Standing here, half-naked, facing the wall, keeping his shirt held up in order to display his sore bottom – his face was now as flushed as his ass.

 

"Good. Now just stand there for awhile and think about things," John said.

 

Rodney rolled his eyes. He wasn't sure where all the attitude was coming but he just felt so on edge. He'd never surrendered this degree of control to a top before, and, outside of judicial punishments, had never allowed a top to discipline him for anything other than their mutual pleasure, and he didn't like how it felt. His ass positively burned from the spanking, making his rage even hotter.

 

He stood there, fuming, but he wasn't sure why he was so angry or who he was angry with. He was just angry. Furious.

 

He stared at the wall for a long time, mouth crooked with distress, eyes smarting from the effort of not crying, and then suddenly he felt the wetness on his cheeks anyway, and he hated himself for giving in.

 

At first he ignored the tears streaming down his face, brushing them away angrily with the back of his arm, and then he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he was being pulled around and drawn close, and it was too much for him.

 

He rested his head on John's shoulder, and bawled his eyes out into John's shirt. It was like a torrent being unleashed and he was powerless to stop it. Big, shaking sobs wracked his body, and all he could do was weather the storm, until it played itself out. He felt like an idiot, standing here, half-naked, ass flaming red, clinging onto John for dear life while he shed these wild, bitter tears.

 

John's hands were calming on his back, soothing him in gentle circles, and John was saying something into his ear but he couldn't hear what it was. He just felt like he was crying out a lifetime of rage. Rage against his parents, against the kids who'd bullied him at school, against his sister, against Bates, against those villagers for withholding a ZPM - and against himself.

 

He howled into John's shirt and John was kissing him now, and still holding him tight, never allowing him to draw away. And then, without even realising it, he was quiet. His damp face was nestled in the crook of John's neck, and he was humming softly to himself, utterly spent. John continued to hold him, just standing there, arms around him, stroking him tenderly.

 

Finally, after several long minutes, John pulled away slightly.

 

"Man you needed that," he said, smiling as he wiped some wetness off of Rodney's cheek.

 

"I feel kind of wobbly," Rodney muttered.

 

"It's alright. I've got you."

 

John kept a firm arm around his body as he guided him over to the bed. John tugged off his tee shirt, leaving Rodney completely naked, and then helped him flop down onto the bed, on his belly.

 

"Able to tell me about it?" John asked, reaching out to rub Rodney's back again, where Rodney lay, boneless on the bed.

 

"It was a ZPM!" Rodney sighed. "A ZPM! I was holding it in my hands. And now it's gone, and all because I'm such a total idiot."

 

John gave a little laugh. "Yeah, it was a ZPM – and I think they should come with their own label – 'Warning: Rodney's Kryptonite'."

 

Rodney glanced up, and gave his top a wry smile. "You think I'm a little bit too obsessed with them?"

 

"I do." John nodded. "For good reason," he added quickly. "But yeah. You need to get some perspective because your brain turns to mush every time you get within sniffing distance of one. Also – I don't think it makes any difference how much of an idiot you were back there. Those people weren't going to give us their Sacred Jewel of the Bathtub no matter now much chocolate we gave 'em."

 

"Bathsheba," Rodney sighed into the mattress. "Not bathtub."

 

"Yeah. Whatever," John grinned. "They weren't gonna give it to us, Rodney! And we weren't going to take it by force. So you didn't screw up too bad. Well, except for the not obeying my orders thing – that was bad."

 

"Yeah. I know." Rodney gazed at his top for a long time. "Love you," he muttered.

 

John smiled. "Despite how hard I spanked you?" he asked, resting his hand on Rodney's hair and smoothing it down where it was damp and mussed up from all his tears.

 

"I think…*because* of how hard you spanked me, in a way," Rodney sighed. "I needed to go there – I'm not saying I liked it but I needed it. Hurt like hell." He glanced over his shoulder at his bright red ass again. "Still does."

 

"Yeah." John shrugged. "I figured it had to be pretty hard if it was going to do the job. I'd have been able to stop earlier if you'd given into it earlier but we all know how stubborn you are, Rodney McKay. I thought I'd failed when I did stop – you still hadn't given it up – but I didn't think your ass could take any more and I wasn’t willing to hand out any more in any case. Corner time seemed to do the trick though."

 

"Mmm. Yeah," Rodney muttered, realising just how lucky he was. John was such a damn good top and was so in tune with him that he could read him like a book, and know exactly what he needed. It made him feel safe, and he didn't think he'd ever felt safe in his life before. “Elizabeth was right,” he murmured. “You’re sure as hell not a lenient top.”

 

John gave a little snort at that. “Do you want me to be?” he asked, his hazel eyes searching.

 

Rodney thought about that for a moment. Much as the spanking had hurt, it had taken him to a very necessary place, and he was glad, in some way, that he could rely on John to be there and give him what he needed, even when he didn’t know he needed it.

 

“No,” he replied. “You’re like my bedrock. And to be honest, if you went easy on me I’d see through it in seconds and run rings around you. I’ve done *that* with tops before.”

 

“Hmm. I pity the poor bastards. They had no idea how to handle you,” John commented, still smoothing Rodney’s hair tenderly with his hand.

 

"Get into bed with me?" Rodney asked. He was surprised by how vulnerable he felt – and also by how little he was trying to hide it. He just didn't have any energy left to mask it. John smiled, and nodded. He got up, and Rodney gave a little whimper of distress at the withdrawal of physical contact.

 

"It's okay. I'm just going to kick off my boots and pants…ssh, it's okay."

 

John did that quickly, and then got into the bed beside Rodney, clad in his tee shirt and boxers. He smelled of sweat from their long walk, and Rodney couldn't get enough of that smell. He nestled in close, John's hand on his hip, so that they were face to face. John stroked a loving hand over Rodney's cheek, caressing him gently, and they lay that way for a long time.

 

Rodney didn't think they'd ever been closer – not even after they'd made love. He was surprised to feel that warm, sweet energy flowing between them. John gave a frown of surprise so Rodney guessed he'd just felt it too.

 

"It's back," Rodney whispered.

 

"Yeah – weird. I thought it was more of a sex thing but it's pulsing away as strong as I've ever felt it," John replied.

 

"Maybe it's more of an intimacy thing," Rodney said.

 

"Maybe." John pressed a sweet, loving kiss to his lips. "I love you too, by the way," he said after, pulling Rodney a little bit closer. "Even though you are a pain in the ass on missions and disobey my orders and make the natives go all weird and start humming."

 

Rodney gave a little snorting giggle at that, and then he finally surrendered to the exhaustion sweeping through his body, and fell into a deep, contented sleep.

 

~*~

 

 

John woke the following morning to the sound of a gently snoring Rodney. He gazed at his sub for awhile, just watching him sleep. Rodney looked sort of young, and quite vulnerable following his spanking. His hair was an endearing mess, and his eyelashes were dark on his pale skin.

 

John was surprised by the protective surge he felt inside. Last night had been confusing. On one level, he really hadn't liked punishing Rodney, but, at the same time, there had been something cathartic about it – for him as much as for Rodney. He had felt like they were both performing a complicated choreography, top and sub dancing in tune, their energy flowing back and forth, as Rodney submitted to what had been a pretty hard spanking, and John made him take it.

 

There had been no question of either of them getting off on it – John's cock had remained resolutely uninterested throughout, and he knew Rodney hadn't enjoyed it, either – but somehow, in some way, it had brought them just as close as sex always did.

 

John had punished people before, in the course of his job, and while he always tried to be fair, and handle it as scrupulously as possible, that sense of benevolent distance had gone out of the window when it was Rodney he was punishing. Being in love with the person you were disciplining made a bigger difference than he'd anticipated, and he was reminded of Gil's words to him, so many years ago, about how to treat a sub.

 

In the end he'd just gone with what felt right, trusting that it *would* be right, and he'd been surprised by just *how* right it had been.

 

Rodney's eyes fluttered open and he gazed at John.

 

"Morning." John brushed a kiss to his cheek.

 

"Mmm." Rodney smiled and stretched - and then howled. "Oh shit! Man that hurts!" he growled.

 

"Yeah, it's still pretty red," John told him, pushing down the sheet and glancing over Rodney's shoulder at his sub's still glowing ass. "C'mere." He slipped his fingers down and took Rodney's cock in his hand, rubbing it firmly. Rodney sighed.

 

"Damnit – I feel like I've been hit with a battering ram. I hate you so much," he seethed.

 

John grinned, and continued rubbing Rodney's cock, because what Rodney was saying was in direct contrast to what he was doing – which was so often the case. Rodney thrust into John's hand, mewling in pleasure while cursing the whole time. John finished him off and then he got up off the bed.

 

"Get up, Rodney. I want to inspect you," he said.

 

Rodney rolled cautiously off the bed, wincing dramatically at every slight movement. John waited for him patiently, ignoring the melodramatics, and Rodney finally came to stand in front of him, still complaining. John reached out and put a finger over his mouth.

 

"Not another word, Rodney. The paddle's just in that box you know. I can easily get it out again," he said firmly. Rodney's eyes went so big, blue, and panic-stricken that it was all John could do not to laugh out loud.

 

"You wouldn't!" Rodney squeaked.

 

"I might." John raised a warning eyebrow. "Now stand still and keep quiet."

 

He ran his fingers over Rodney's neck, pushing it gently one way and then the other, searching silently. He wasn't sure why this felt so necessary but he was working on instinct again. He hadn't had a chance to be intimately acquainted with Rodney's body for a few days and he wanted to ensure that his lover didn't have any injuries or marks on his body that he didn't know about. He really didn't know why that was so important to him but it was so he just went with it. Rodney seemed a little confused by it but he stood there and submitted to his top's inspection.

 

John found the faintest hint of a yellowing bruise on Rodney’s arm, which Rodney told him he'd sustained during the walk when he'd banged it against a tree. John paused at it for a moment, and then moved on. He turned Rodney around, and worked his way down Rodney's broad shoulders to his buttocks and thighs. He crouched down and examined his handiwork of the previous evening in some detail. Rodney's ass was still pretty red and while John knew it had to be sore, there was no bleeding or anything else that would have alarmed him. He fingered Rodney's hole gently, and Rodney squirmed a little but submitted to it.

 

"I like the heat…" John murmured, feeling the warmth emanating from Rodney's skin. "How does it feel? I'd like to take you in the shower – you up to that?" He turned Rodney around and looked in his eyes. Rodney thought about it.

 

"Well, it still really hurts," he said.

 

"Yes," John acknowledged, and he put his head on one side, raising an eyebrow.

 

Rodney read his expression and he saw realisation sink in. It was only a little demonstration of dominance, and John wouldn't have pushed it if he thought Rodney would be in real pain, but he wanted to see how much Rodney would enjoy allowing John to take pleasure from his body even if it caused him discomfort. Rodney had said he wanted to test his limits – and John suspected that Rodney would find new levels to his submission by offering himself up to him purely for his top's pleasure, even knowing it would be painful.

 

"Okay," Rodney said quietly, and John caught the little shiver that ran through him. This was taking their dynamic to a new level – but both of them were up for it so it would be interesting to see where it went.

 

He took hold of Rodney's hand and led him to the shower. He turned on the water and then pulled Rodney in for a long, slow kiss. Rodney melted against him, the way he always did, and John rested his hands on Rodney's sore buttocks, enjoying the way Rodney gasped and pressed up against him, whimpering slightly. It was turning them both on, as he could see by the surprised arousal in Rodney's eyes. John kissed his way down Rodney's wet throat, and then turned Rodney around.

 

"Hands against the wall," he ordered, reaching for the soap. He soaped Rodney down thoroughly, going gently over Rodney's sore bottom, and then soaped himself. Then he reached for the lube he kept in the shower. He parted Rodney's red buttocks carefully, and slid his fingers inside. Rodney was stretched now, after a couple of weeks of rigorous anal sex, and his hole opened up easily to John's fingers.

 

John felt his own arousal growing as his groin was warmed by the heat coming off Rodney's well-spanked ass. He felt a shiver of dominance, starting in his belly and spreading out along his nerve endings. This was about inhabiting his own topspace, and making Rodney submit, and Rodney was turning him on by being so willing and compliant. He lubed his hard cock, and took hold of Rodney's buttocks, enjoying the gasp his sub made as he kneaded the sore flesh. He opened Rodney up and pushed himself in, and Rodney made a little gurgling sound in the back of his throat and opened his legs wider so that John had easier access.

 

"Good boy. Take me," John ordered, stroking Rodney's heaving flanks gently, as if he was a nervous horse being ridden for the first time.

 

John put his hand on Rodney's shoulder to brace himself, and then began thrusting in and out. It felt sublime, the way it always did being inside Rodney, but this time there were added pleasures. He liked the dual sensations of the heat of Rodney's ass and the warm slick of water pounding down on them. He liked knowing that Rodney was submitting to him, giving himself freely for John's pleasure. He liked the sound his balls made when they slapped against Rodney's wet ass. It was all so damn good! He rode Rodney for a long time and then came deep inside him. He stood there, panting, and then slowly withdrew and turned Rodney around. Rodney's eyes were wide, and slightly stunned.

 

"Okay?" John asked, a little breathlessly, wondering why that had been so damn hot.

 

"Good," Rodney told him, still shaking a little. "There's a place in my head I've never been to before, but you take me there…and it's like I'm floating."

 

"Subspace," John said, excited because he'd just been so in touch with his own topspace.

 

"Yeah. I guess," Rodney agreed.

 

"You want me to take you there more often?" John asked, watching Rodney carefully. Rodney hesitated.

 

"I don't find it easy. The submission," he admitted, in a faltering tone. "But when I'm there, in that space, it just calms me, and makes me feel so good. Getting there is sometimes hard though."

 

"We could work on that – if you want?" John offered.

 

Rodney nodded. "Yes. Please." He stood there, looking wet and kissable, so John gave in and kissed him.

 

Everyone had their own dynamic. There were a million self-help books out there, about how to get into subspace, or topspace, how to really enjoy your submission or dominance, how to explore it, and what direction would suit you best, but John thought that it was all crap. The only way to find out was to experiment with someone you loved. What they discovered about themselves just served to strengthen the bond they had, and he was sure that if they got it wrong they'd know soon enough and turn around and try something else.

 

They got dressed and went to their respective jobs. John thought about the events of the past few days while he was working out with Teyla in the practice room.

 

"Have you ever wondered how far to go with a sub?" he asked her as they circled each other. She raised an eyebrow.

 

"I tend to rely on my instincts, in much the same way as I do in here," she said, feinting forward and then dancing around him, delivering a firm slap to his thigh.

 

"Damn it," he grinned at her. "I feel the same way – about instincts. I just…I really don't want to hurt him, y'know? But at the same time, he kind of likes being hurt a little, and I kind of like taking him to that place. It feels so good – for both of us."

 

"I know." She bowed her head. "Yet you are wondering whether you might lose control, and go too far."

 

"No. I don't think I could ever really harm, Rodney, but I haven't allowed him a safe word and now I'm wondering, as we go deeper, if I should."

 

"You should trust yourself more – the way he trusts you," she said. "Safe words have their place – for the novice or inexperienced, or those playing on a superficial level they are invaluable. However, you must ask yourself why you initially refused to allow him a safe word, and why you are now questioning yourself.” She inclined her head at him, still circling him, batons at the ready. John thought about it.

 

“I’m not sure. I just…I don’t want to get something wrong and really hurt him,” he sighed at last. She nodded.

 

“I understand. Do you want my honest opinion?”

 

He took a deep breath and nodded. “Always."

 

“Very well. If you give Dr McKay a safe word then you no longer have to assume so much responsibility for his wellbeing,” she said.

 

John frowned, wondering how she figured *that*. She gave a little smile.

 

“Without a safe word you must work much harder to understand your submissive. You must become attuned to his every sigh and murmur, his every whimper and moan. If you allow your submissive a safe word, you give some of that control back to him – and if you do that it will always be a barrier between you. You will never learn his heart, and he will never truly learn how to surrender to you.”

 

“I hadn’t thought of it that way,” John mused. “That sounds kind of like the Shinzoic Principles.” He’d been reading through some stuff on Shinzoism that Carson had given him, and while he discounted a lot of it as not somewhere he personally wanted to go, some of it resonated with him.

 

“I am not familiar with these principles,” Teyla said, “but it may be they are similar to the view we Athosians have on the joining of submissive and dominant, and how the two fit together to achieve the perfection of their union.”

 

“It’s all so much harder than I thought it would be,” John sighed.

 

Teyla smiled at him. “You have always avoided the full expression of your sexuality before I think,” she said. “Yes, it is hard, but the rewards are exponentially greater.”

 

John nodded. “I think I’m seeing that,” he said. “So – you think I did the right thing not allowing Rodney a safe word?”

 

“Yes. I do,” she nodded. “It was your initial instinct and I think you should follow it.

I do not personally ever give my submissives a safe word. I know my own limits and I work hard to discover theirs. That is part of the challenge. Each submissive is different, and I wish to find that place where we are so synchronised that it feels effortless, where I can taste their submission, freely offered, and they give everything to me. That is the most satisfying part of any mating dance."

 

John grinned. He loved it when she referred to sex as a 'mating dance'.

 

"I know what you mean," he agreed, with a little sigh. He'd kind of glimpsed the sort of synchronicity she was referring to, and he knew Rodney had too, and they both wanted more.

 

"You have time," she chided. "He is only recently collared. You will adapt the dance to your own tune and it will be beautiful."

 

"It already is," John said, raising his batons to make a move, only to find himself flailing through empty space as she sidestepped him effortlessly.

 

"You will know if he is ever in genuine distress – you will know because you know him. Sometimes he will think that he cannot do all that you ask of him, cannot endure all that you wish to make him endure, cannot submit to all your demands, but only you will be the true judge of that. He may underestimate himself – and if he can surrender to you during those times then he will find much happiness in his submission. It is not always easy but the rewards are many – for both of you."

 

"I just hope I get it right."

 

"Trust yourself," she told him again. "Go with your instincts, and listen to him every step of the way. Listen to the way he breathes, and pants, and moans. Listen to the things that are unsaid, as well as those that are said – and, knowing Dr McKay, I am sure there are many of those."

 

She paused to give him a knowing smile and he snorted. "Watch him, and learn every single aspect of his body language. Learn what it reveals about him. The senses are the most important – touch, taste, sight, hearing, smell. Use them all. Become one with your art, and you will lead him to a place more magical than you can ever imagine. But do not give up your power. He does not want it – he wishes to give his to you. Allow him do that and you will walk forever as one, and he will never stray from your side."

 

"I don't think he will anyway, but you're right. Thanks." John stepped back as she threw a hard blow at his batons.

 

He pondered what she'd said and he knew she was right. He had never dug beneath the surface of his own dominance before, any more than he suspected Rodney had explored his own submission, and they were both eager to go further. It was a revelation finding a partner so in tune with him, and he hungered to discover more about both himself and his submissive.

 

They finished practising and walked back towards their quarters together.

 

“So, you ever going to put poor Ford out of his misery and take him for your sub?” John asked her. It wasn’t something he’d have hesitated asking anyone else long before now – nobody from Earth was all that shy about asking personal questions – but Teyla had a kind of innate dignity which kept their relationship a little bit more formal.

 

However, ever since her kindness to him after their visit to the planet of the sex-starved tops, as Rodney insisted on calling it, John’s relationship with the wise Athosian woman had deepened, and he found himself wondering if she was happy.

 

“I will not be taking Lieutenant Ford as my submissive, no,” she replied politely.

 

John felt a bit sorry for Ford on hearing that but he’d guessed as much from the way Teyla had been keeping Ford at arm’s length.

 

“Do not get me wrong – Aiden is a charming submissive and a good man. I have the utmost respect for him, but he is not what I am looking for.”

 

“What *are* you looking for?” John asked, curious.

 

“It is hard to say – although I feel sure I will know when I see it.”

 

“Yeah. I thought that – then it took me weeks to realise I was insanely in love with Rodney,” John grinned. “Sometimes you don’t always see what’s right in front of you.”

 

“That can be true.” Teyla inclined her head. “But I think others saw what you did not. Dr Beckett for example, and myself. We knew that you and Dr McKay were a good match even if you did not see it at first. You needed someone who would challenge you and hold your interest, someone smart, submissive but not easily dominated. You also needed someone to make you laugh.”

 

“Well Rodney’s all those things,” John agreed. “If you can read me so easily then you must have some idea what would suit you.”

 

“Perhaps. I think…that I need someone to tame,” she told him, with a wry smile. “I am a warrior – I want to find someone wild and turn them into my fierce and loyal consort. Ford is, sadly, already tame. He would be very sweet, but would give me no lasting pleasure. I like the thrill of the taming, John. I yearn for the challenge of curbing a wild spirit – and the excitement of knowing that I might not succeed.”

 

“Interesting.” John glanced at her sideways, impressed by her self-knowledge and insights. “And what about Carson and Elizabeth? I worry about them. I wish they’d find subs. Any idea what they need?”

 

“Dr Beckett is a dear, sweet man. He needs an old-fashioned kind of love,” Teyla responded thoughtfully. “He is always taking care of others – he needs to find a submissive who is strong enough to take care of him occasionally.”

 

“I’d agree with that. And Elizabeth?”

 

Teyla gave a little smile. “I admire and respect Elizabeth as a fellow leader of her people. She is a good woman but I think that her heart has been bruised.”

 

John remembered what Elizabeth had told him about the submissive she’d once collared, who hadn’t loved her enough to follow her through the gate. There had been such sadness in her eyes and he wondered if she’d ever feel able to collar another sub after that kind of heartache. Just the thought of rescinding Rodney’s collar was enough to make him feel ill – the idea of leaving Rodney behind somewhere, available for some other top to claim made his hands clench into fists and his stomach churn. He had no idea how anyone got over that.

 

“Elizabeth deserves the best,” he murmured.

 

“I agree.” Teyla nodded. “She would not wish to tame anyone though. Nor would she want someone who would cause her as many headaches as Dr McKay – no offence intended.” She inclined her head at him again, and he laughed out loud.

 

“Which is a polite way of saying Rodney is a pain in the ass!” he grinned.

 

“He is…a handful – much more suited to you than to a top like Elizabeth,” Teyla replied, with just the hint of a little grin playing around her lips. “She needs deference, respect and a quiet strength. She needs a submissive who will stand by her side and support her, not be consumed by dramas of their own.”

 

“Yeah,” John said softly. Spot on again, he thought. Teyla really did have a very good handle on them all.

 

They reached his quarters and he turned to go in – but she stopped him by putting her hand on his arm.

 

“Since we have been candid, I would like to ask – have you considered lifebonding with Rodney?”

 

John felt the shadow pass across his face. “No,” he said tightly.

 

He remembered what Carson had said about the pre-lifebond they’d already formed, but he had shied away from thinking about it in any more detail. All lifebonding made him think about was Adam’s howl of anguish when Gil had died, and the way he’d followed him into death seconds later, leaving John alone, locked up in a tight, painful little world of his own, which was more or less where he’d remained until Rodney had come along. And yet…he couldn’t deny he loved that flow of energy that took place between him and Rodney – if that was the beginnings of a lifebond then it was very seductive – and he had sometimes wondered what the real thing would feel like.

 

“I am sorry,” she murmured, as if sensing some of his inner conflict on the subject. “I did not mean to pry – it is just that I have felt the stirrings of a bond between the two of you of late, and I wondered whether you were considering taking that to fruition.”

 

“You could sense that?” John frowned.

 

Teyla nodded. “It is a custom among my people to devote ourselves to learning about different aspects of our sexuality. Some have the gift to become a sage, and they spend many years learning and refining their skill so as to be of use to others when making the important decision about whether one is sexually dominant or submissive. Others devote themselves to the study of the Kaeira – the healing power that flows through a lifebond. Still others choose to study the lifebond itself – how it starts, how it may be brought to fruition…that is my chosen area of study. I am very attuned to bonded couples, and I could not help but sense that you and Dr McKay have formed a spontaneous link. That is rare and remarkable – and I wished to offer my help in case you ever choose to bring the bond to fruition.”

 

“That’s very kind of you but…I guess you could say I’m not a great fan of lifebonding,” John told her slowly. She looked both puzzled and surprised at that.

 

“Among my people it is considered the highest expression of love,” she replied. “Many try to achieve it but few succeed.”

 

“Yeah, it’s pretty much the same among my people,” he told her. “But I don’t want Rodney to die just because I’m stupid enough to get myself killed. I’m a soldier, Teyla – he’s a scientist. My odds of getting killed are much higher than his.”

 

“And if he died – would you wish to live without him?” she asked.

 

John felt as if a cold fist had wrapped itself around his heart, and squeezed, hard.

 

“No,” he said softly.

 

“Then why do you assume it is not the same for him?” Teyla asked quietly.

 

John just shrugged. “I know it doesn’t make much sense to you, but it’s how I feel,” he told her firmly.

 

“You have been hurt,” she said, those wise eyes of her seeing into his soul.

 

“You could say that.” He had spent nearly two decades hating the very idea of the lifebond, and while his perspective on many things had changed since meeting Rodney, he still wasn’t ready to let go of that particular prejudice.

 

“If Rodney was mortally wounded you could use the bond to share your energy with him, and keep him alive,” she told him.

 

He remembered when he was five years old rushing with Gil to the hospital, to find Adam lying white-faced in a room, a blood-stained bandage on his shoulder. There were medical staff there, but they all stood back when Gil ran in.

 

Gil had told John to sit quietly on a chair while he helped Daddy Adam to feel better, and then he had lain down on the bed, placed his fingers on Adam’s shoulder, and rested his head against Adam’s ghostly pale cheek. John hadn’t known what was happening, but he was aware of an electric intensity in the room, and had watched as Adam’s skin changed colour, gradually returning to normal.

 

Adam had woken up a few minutes later, stretched a little, and, seeing him, had muttered, “Hi kid” and beckoned him over. Gil, previously full of frantic, concerned energy, had been left listless, and a little pale, but Adam had made a quick recovery after that, and there had been no lasting effect on Gil.

 

“I know that. I know more about lifebonding than you think, Teyla,” he told her tersely, turning back to his quarters and signalling that the conversation was over.

 

“Yes,” she murmured. “It is always hard for those left behind. To lose one is hard – to lose both can be devastating.”

 

He paused, his hand frozen on the door, his shoulder muscles stiff, but he didn’t turn around.

 

"The link you have is as nothing compared to how a lifebond would feel. You have no idea what you are missing, Colonel," she added softly.

 

His hand formed into a fist, but still he made no reply. He heard her give a little sigh, and then the sound of her footsteps as she walked away.

---

 

Part Seventeen: Shield Redux

 

John took a shower, standing under the warm water for a long time, until he felt better. He didn’t want to think about lifebonding – what he had with Rodney was so good that he could hardly imagine anything that would make it *better*. He resolved to put the conversation with Teyla out of his mind, and he got dressed and wandered along to the lab. It was about time for lunch, and he found Rodney standing at his work station, his fingers moving fast over the keyboard. John touched his shoulder, and pressed a kiss on the back of his head.

 

"Hmmm. Hi," Rodney said, never taking his eyes off his screen.

 

John slid his hand around Rodney's waist and down the front of his pants. Rodney paused, fought it for a moment, and then sighed and melted back against him. Nobody took any notice of them – Rodney was John's collared sub, and John had full body rights over him and could exercise them whenever he wanted.

 

John found Rodney's cock and rubbed it, and was delighted to find it harden almost as a reflex action to the caress. John could, if he wanted, pleasure himself on Rodney right here and now, in front of everyone, but even though it was neither illegal nor frowned upon, John thought public sex was a bit tacky, unless you really wanted to make a point to your sub about his submission.

 

Having got Rodney's attention away from the screen, John released his cock, and removed his hand from the front of Rodney's pants.

 

"So, got time for lunch?" John asked.

 

"Would you mind if I passed?" Rodney said, shooting an anxious glance at John over his shoulder. "Only we've been away for four days and everything's backed up. I thought I'd grab a sandwich at my desk."

 

"Okay." John nuzzled a kiss on Rodney's neck. "Later."

 

"Mmmm." Rodney waved vaguely in his general direction, his attention already riveted on his screen again.

 

John returned to the lab several hours later, looking for his sub. It was late, the lab was empty – and there was no sign of Rodney.

 

"Rodney?" He glanced around, and saw Rodney lying on the floor on his stomach, his laptop in front of him. "What you doing there?" John walked over to his sub and sat down beside him, cross legged.

 

"Well, I've been standing up all day and my legs hurt so I thought I'd do some work lying down because, you know, sitting is *completely* out of the question," Rodney told him, with only a faintly accusing look. John grinned, and reached out a hand to stroke Rodney's enticingly plump ass.

 

"You coming to eat?" he asked.

 

Rodney shook his head. "Nope. I really want to work on this," he said.

 

John frowned. He wondered whether the spanking had made Rodney have second thoughts about their relationship, but that didn't seem to be the vibe he was getting off his sub. If anything, Rodney seemed calmer than usual, and more affectionate. His sub leaned forward and pressed a kiss to John's hand.

 

"Later?" he said.

 

"Tell me what you're working on," John said, sensing that something else was going on here.

 

Rodney sighed. "Look, I'm just going over the notes from that temple we visited again. I got three possible leads last time and there might be more. It’s possible that some of the peripheral transcriptions give stargate co-ordinates for the locations of other ZPMs."

 

"Rodney!" John chided, exasperated. "We talked about the whole ZPM issue."

 

"I know, I know," Rodney said, a pleading expression on his face. "I just really need to do this, John. The city desperately needs a ZPM, and I feel like we could be close. I mean, I was holding that bloody thing in my hands and…."

 

"Ssh." John put his finger over Rodney's mouth. "Don't go over that again." Rodney gazed up at him from puppy dog blue eyes and John felt himself surrendering. "Okay. Work on this if you want – but I won't let it go on indefinitely. Understood?"

 

"Yes. Thank you."

 

John gave Rodney's ass a hearty slap, just to let him know he'd be watching him, and Rodney gave a yelp combined with a little giggle, and returned to his work.

 

John walked over to the door and paused there, gazing back at his lover. Rodney looked so adorable lying on the floor on his front, every ounce of his attention focussed on the laptop in front of him as he returned to his work. Being a good top meant knowing when to let your sub follow his heart, and John knew that this was one of those occasions. Rodney's work was important to him, and John would never make him feel safe enough to submit to all he wanted to do to him in the bedroom if he threw his weight around outside it.

 

John spent a lonely night in his bed, wishing Rodney’s warm weight was nestled beside him. Usually, however they started out the night, by morning Rodney’s head was on his shoulder or his chest, one arm slung across John’s midriff. John usually woke first, and would find Rodney twitching slightly in his sleep, body pressed as close to John’s as it was possible to be. He should have realised Rodney was a cuddler way back, that first time they spent a night together in that tent, before they started having sex, when he’d woken up to find Rodney sprawled over his chest. Nothing had changed since then. He didn’t think Rodney did it consciously – he just somehow ended up sleeping as close to John as it was possible to get.

 

They hadn’t spent that many nights apart since they’d got together, and John found he missed Rodney even more than he had expected. It was weird, in a way, because he’d spent all his adult life avoiding intimacy, had frequently left some sub’s bed after sex and gone home to snatch a few hours alone, but Rodney wasn’t just any sub, and John’s arms ached to hold him. Now he didn’t value his own space so much – being without Rodney at night was like being half there, and he often woke up, his arms reaching out for Rodney, only to find the bed cold and empty.

 

He tried to be tolerant for the next few days, but it wasn’t easy. He wished they were living together – at least then he’d see exactly what hours Rodney was putting in, and he felt a vague sense of unease about not knowing. He was Rodney’s top, and he knew enough about his sub to suspect that Rodney was working crazy hours. He’d promised Rodney he wouldn’t hassle him any more about living together and he didn’t intend to, but he felt he was failing him all the same.

 

Rodney wasn’t always a very sensible person, about many things, but particularly about his workload. If he was intellectually excited then he could easily get sucked into a little world of his own. That might have been acceptable in the past, but now that he was collared he had someone who cared about him, and who got concerned when he went missing for any period of time, even if he was only missing in the mental sense.

 

Anybody who knew Rodney knew what he was like though – when he got like this, he was so distracted he barely gave you the time of day. When you talked to him his eyes remained glazed over, and while he seemed to nod in all the right places John knew that he was a million miles away.

 

Even John's tolerance had its limits, and after five days of seeing virtually nothing of Rodney his patience was wearing thin. Rodney had waylaid him twice in the transporters to deliver two truly spectacular blowjobs, and that had turned his brain to such mush he'd been unable to lay down the law to Rodney about the hours he was working, but he knew this couldn't go on for much longer. He also knew that Rodney had only given him the blowjobs as a bribe to keep him off his case, and that bothered him. Most of the time Rodney avoided him, clearly anxious that John didn't rein him back in.

 

After yet another restless and Rodney-less night, John decided that enough was enough. He went to Rodney's quarters early one morning, intending to have a long talk with him, only to find them empty.

 

Furious, he strode along the hallway to the lab, and, sure enough, found Rodney there, sitting at his workstation, eyes red-rimmed and weary from obviously having pulled an all-nighter.

 

This was enough for John. Part of being a good top was allowing his sub to have his head and to understand his passions, and part of it was saving his wayward sub from his own stubborn self too, and it was knowing when to do which that was the real art.

 

"Rodney," he said sharply, and Rodney started and glanced up. There were dark shadows under his eyes and he looked exhausted. "Have you been here all night?" John asked.

 

"Is it morning?" Rodney looked confused.

 

"I'll take that as a yes. I've had enough. This has to stop," John said firmly. "I knew this was important to you so I've given you some leeway but now you're just taking advantage frankly."

 

"I'm so close!" Rodney protested.

 

"No you're not. You just *want* to be close," John growled. "Now, I don't care if you spend an hour or two a day of your spare time going over those notes, but you don't pull another all-nighter to work on this, and you stop working every single moment when you're not asleep."

 

"You're just missing the sex," Rodney snapped.

 

"Yes I am!" John retorted. "I'm also worried about you. You should take a good look at yourself. Now, go back to your quarters and get some sleep. I'll tell Zelenka you'll be late. Then join me for lunch. You can work this afternoon and I'll see you in my quarters at seven p.m. Do not, under any circumstances, be late." He turned to go.

 

"Fine," Rodney said sulkily behind him. "Whatever. I bet Einstein wouldn't have discovered the fucking theory of fucking relativity if he'd had you as his fucking top."

 

John paused in the doorway, and then turned back to glare at his sub.

 

"Rodney, if I get any more attitude off you then that spanking I gave you a few days ago will feel like a walk in the park. You got me?" he said.

 

Rodney glared back at him, and John couldn't help but feel sorry for him. His sub was too exhausted to think straight, and this was precisely why he needed a firm hand right now, and someone who'd think straight for him.

 

"Yeah. I got you," Rodney muttered. "Sir," he added sarcastically as John went to walk away.

 

John turned back, smoothly, crossed the distance to Rodney's workstation in a few steps, pushed Rodney down over the table, and delivered several hard swats to his sub's ass. He only used his hand, and Rodney's ass was covered by his pants and boxers so it could hardly have hurt much, but its value was in reminding Rodney who he was talking to.

 

John released his sub, pulled Rodney up, grabbed the lapel of his lab coat, and yanked him out of the room. He dragged Rodney along to his quarters, opened the door, and half-walked, half-threw Rodney inside.

 

"Bed. Now," John said, standing there, arms folded across his chest. Rodney gazed at him from blue eyes that couldn't decide if they were freaked out or aroused, but he gave in, mutinously removing his boots, pants and labcoat, before sliding under the sheets, glaring at John the entire time.

 

John waited until Rodney was in situ before striding over to the door. "I'll radio you at lunchtime. If I see you anywhere outside of this room before then, or if anyone else sees you, then you'll get another taste of my paddle," he said firmly.

 

Rodney turned his back on him, and then pulled the sheet, slowly and deliberately, over his head, making no reply. It didn’t pass John by that Rodney was giving him the finger as he pulled the sheet up, either.

 

He shrugged. Rodney might not be very happy with him but he needed someone to reel him back in, and make him eat and sleep. He knew just how single-minded and obsessed his sub could be at times, and he didn't mind playing the bad guy in order to force his wayward lover into getting some rest.

 

As it turned out, John was called away to take Carson to a medical emergency on the mainland a couple of hours later, so he sent Lorne in his stead, insisting that he escort Rodney to the mess hall at lunch time, and that he watch him eat a full meal.

 

It was late by the time he got back from the mainland, and as he walked tiredly from the jumper bay he decided that he couldn't face another battle with Rodney right now. He suspected that if he dropped by the lab he'd find Rodney there, making the most of his top's absence. He could just imagine the look of innocence he'd see in Rodney's eyes. "But I went to your quarters and you weren't there? What was I supposed to do? Sit and wait?"

 

He wasn't in the mood for it, so he went to his quarters instead. He opened the door…and stopped dead in his tracks. The room was warm, lit by a dozen candles, and Rodney was kneeling on a rug in the centre of the room, stark naked, his body glistening with…oil?

 

John gazed at him blankly for a moment, and then his brain kicked into gear, sending a considerable amount of blood southwards in appreciation of just how hot Rodney looked right now. Rodney looked up.

 

"Just wanted to say…sorry?" he offered, those twisted lips of his quirked into a little expression of contrition. "I knew I was being an ass. Couldn't seem to stop myself."

 

"Candles?" John raised an eyebrow. "And oil?"

 

"Too much?" Rodney asked.

 

"Oh no. Definitely not." John grinned. "Oh god you look fantastic. Apology accepted, Rodney." He went over to his sub and Rodney stayed kneeling, looking up at him with a happy smile.

 

"Also, I was missing the hot sex too," Rodney added. "I think I was trying to punish myself for the whole ZPM thing."

 

"There's really no need for you to punish yourself when I can do that for you," John said, with a dangerous grin. Rodney giggled, and John smoothed his sub's wavy hair away from his face. "You look so damn edible. I'm going to need to taste," he said.

 

"I'm all yours." Rodney looked up at him eagerly. "Oh! And something else. I thought…well, I hope this might um, interest…amuse…excite…you. Whatever." He reached out and took something off the nightstand, and handed it to John.

 

"Is it a cock ring?" John held it up. It looked like a cock ring. It was round, and there was a little clip fastening, but it was unlike any cock ring he'd seen before. It looked…kind of alien, and there were some ornate markings on it. He pressed a little switch on the side and it started to pulse with a bright green light. "Shit, it looks just like…."

 

"The personal shield. I know." Rodney nodded smugly, getting to his feet and dancing around excitedly. "That's because it is! Well, no, that's not true. You see, I had a nice sleep this morning, and woke up feeling a lot better, and that’s when I realised that you weren't such a big jerk after all so I got to thinking about how I could make it up to you, and I had this idea. So I found another personal shield in storage, and I adapted it into this shape, so it could fit around my cock."

 

"Great…so if you're wearing it I can't touch your cock?" John was puzzled.

 

Rodney giggled again, his brown hair bouncing off the nape of his neck, looking completely adorable. It was all John could do not to kiss him.

 

"No, no, no! You see, I know you have this thing about my cock and ass being your own personal property. Not that I'd let anyone but you get that close but hell, I know that sometimes you don't even like *me* touching myself. So…I keyed the DNA on the shield so that when I'm wearing it, and when it's activated, you're the only one who can touch me in a radius all around here." He waved in the direction of his groin and ass. "Of course, I'd be kind of grateful if you used it wisely." He adopted a pained expression. "As I won't even be able to wipe my own ass otherwise, but I thought you'd get a kick out of knowing I was completely untouchable there – that only you can get through the shield."

 

"Oh my god." John looked at the glowing green device in his hand, feeling his cock immediately harden. This was such a hot fantasy. His mind raced ahead, thinking of all the things they could do with it.

 

“So – did I do good?” Rodney grinned, still hopping around excitedly.

 

“Oh yeah. You did good,” John drawled. “You did *very* good, Rodney. In fact, you did so good that tonight I’m going to reward you.” Rodney’s face lit up even more than it was already, making John laugh out loud. “But tomorrow…tomorrow we're going to deal with that little tantrum you threw earlier,” he said. Rodney’s face fell so much it was almost comical. “Well, we do have some issues to sort out,” John said, and Rodney nodded, glumly. “But right now, I just want to enjoy my sub.”

 

John reached out, pulled Rodney’s oiled, naked body to his chest, and lowered his head to find those beautiful, crooked lips. He kissed Rodney long and hard, loving the way Rodney surrendered to him so easily, his body sinking against John’s, melting into him, making his cock ache.

 

He always got especially excited when Rodney was naked and he was clothed – there was something so arousing about it. As he kissed Rodney he thought of appropriate ways to reward him for his ingenuity about the cock ring. Having a ridiculously smart scientist for a boyfriend really did pay at times, he thought to himself happily.

 

When he released Rodney, he guided him over to the bed.

 

“Lie down. On your back. Arms and legs spread right out,” he ordered.

 

Rodney complied eagerly, his eyes alight with anticipation. John grinned – he remembered those stories about Rodney being a bad sub, and nothing could be further than the truth. Rodney generally tried to be as obedient and compliant as possible in the bedroom, and he’d always tried his best to obey every sexual order John had given him. He was more of a handful in their everyday life but that just made a fine counterpoint to his submission in the bedroom – and stopped their lives from ever being routine, or ordinary.

 

John went over to his box of toys and took out four padded cuffs. He fastened them to Rodney’s wrists and ankles, while Rodney watched with eager eyes. Then John fastened the cuffs to the headrail and footrail of the bed, making sure that they were secure.

 

After that, he just stood there for a moment, looking down on his naked, oiled sub. He reached out and took hold of Rodney’s hardening cock, rubbing it to a fully erect state, while Rodney started to make those adorable mewling sounds in his throat.

 

“All right, submissive. I want you to keep this erection until I tell you that you can come. Understood?” John said. Rodney nodded, eyes wide and blue. John slid his fingers along Rodney’s beautiful hard cock a few more times. “Think of yourself as a sacrifice,” he murmured. “An offering – and I’m the one you’re offering yourself to. Give it all up to me.”

 

Rodney nodded again, a smile curving those twisted lips.

 

“I’m going to the bathroom. I want you to lie here and think of me coming to claim you – and remember to stay hard for me,” John ordered, and then he turned and left.

 

He went to the bathroom, got undressed, and took a shower, making sure he was clean all over, and then he took his time drying himself. He knew it would be hard for Rodney to maintain that erection without the use of his hands to keep it perky, but John liked setting little tests for Rodney, and he knew Rodney liked performing all the things John asked of him. It turned them both on.

 

Finally, John opened the door a little, and peered through. The sight in front of him took his breath away. Rodney, lying on his back on the bed, stark naked, his oiled skin glistening in the candlelight, and his cock standing up straight and proud, in a magnificent erection.

 

John felt his own cock harden just at the sight. The candles flickered, painting Rodney’s naked flesh in little shadows and bursts of light, dappling his creamy skin and making the oiled flesh gleam even more. John stepped quietly over to the bed, and Rodney’s blue eyed gaze turned to him.

 

“Ssh,” John said, wanting to keep things quiet and intense. He got onto the bed and straddled Rodney, placing his hands gently on his sub’s oily flesh. He loved the way his fingers slid over Rodney's smooth skin, and he made little whorls on Rodney’s body as he went, his fingertips tracing circles and stars, teasing and caressing wherever they touched.

 

Rodney began to make little whimpering sounds in the back of his throat, his breath hitching as John worked his way lower.

 

“Keep still for me or you won’t get your reward,” John warned.

 

Rodney’s eyes widened again, and John suppressed a grin. One of the wonderful things about Rodney was the way his facial expressions were so incredibly revealing. He remembered what Teyla had said to him about the mating dance, and considered himself pretty lucky as tops went. It wasn’t hard knowing how Rodney felt about any given thing he did to him – it was all written in those expressive eyes and in the body language.

 

John lowered his head and took a warm, oily nipple between his lips, sucking gently. Rodney swallowed a moan, his body rising to meet John’s touch. John sucked on his other nipple, then alternated between the two, knowing how sensitive they were, and how much pleasure this light sucking gave his sub.

 

Then he moved down, trailing oily fingers and his moist mouth over acres of slippery Rodney skin. Finally, he reached Rodney’s cock. He didn’t touch it – he just rose up on his haunches, looked down on Rodney, and then reached behind him, pulled his own buttocks apart, and impaled himself on the top of Rodney’s cock. Rodney let out a strangled cry, and then he gazed up at John, transfixed.

 

John never took his eyes off his sub’s face as he slowly, so slowly, took Rodney’s oiled cock deep into his anus. He’d prepared himself in the bathroom, stretching and applying lube. He hadn’t often allowed his subs to penetrate him – he enjoyed the sensation but it wasn’t his favourite thing. Mostly he preferred to penetrate them, but occasionally it was nice to feel them inside him. He never allowed the act to be anything other than one of domination though, and this time was no different. Rodney was completely tied, and couldn’t resist even if he’d wanted to.

 

“I’m going to ride you hard,” John whispered. “Your naked body is here to service me, Rodney. Spread out for me to use. All you have to do is stay hard for me and offer yourself up.”

 

Rodney blinked, his blue eyes amazed and aroused at one and the same time. John slid right down on Rodney’s cock and then up again. He reached down and fondled his own hard cock, enjoying the dual stimulation of Rodney’s penis stretching his anus and his own cock responding, tingling with pleasure.

 

He rode Rodney slowly, keeping his movements measured, loving the way Rodney gasped beneath him each time he moved downwards, his ass muscles clenching around Rodney’s hard penis. Rodney strained against his bonds, the sensation clearly too much for him, his hands opening and closing spasmodically.

 

John knew that Rodney wanted to move, wanted to grip John’s thighs and time the thrusts himself, but also he knew how much Rodney enjoyed being denied that degree of control. John was in charge, and he decided how much pleasure Rodney’s cock got, and what angle it was allowed to penetrate his body, and how deep it went, and how fast, and all Rodney could do was lie there and take it.

 

“I want you to come on command,” John told him. “Think you can do that?” Rodney nodded frantically. “Good.”

 

John started to speed up, watching as a bead of sweat worked its way down Rodney’s forehead, staining the oiled skin. He knew Rodney was fighting desperately not to come, and he was pleased. He liked to see his sub make a visible effort to obey him, even when it was hard. He milked Rodney’s cock even harder, making Rodney cry out and fling his head back on the pillows.

 

“Look at me,” John told him, tapping his belly warningly. “Keep your gaze fixed on me. I want you to be able to read me. When you see me about to come then I want you to come too – I want you to come at the same time as me. Understand?”

 

Rodney’s blue eyes looked unsure. “You need to learn to watch me,” John told him. “You need to learn what pleases me, and the sounds I make and how I look when I’m ready to come.”

 

Rodney nodded, his expression changing to one of determination. Now their gazes were locked once more as John rode him in earnest, sliding up and down on Rodney’s cock, hard and fast, squeezing with his ass muscles as he did so. There was no sound except their ragged breathing, and the moment was so intense John almost didn’t want to come – he wanted to just live this experience forever.

 

He pulled on his own cock with slick fingers, timed to each inward slide of Rodney’s cock inside his body, feeling the fantastic pressure starting to build, and build, and build…and then he was coming, deliberately spraying himself onto Rodney’s naked chest and belly.

 

He felt Rodney convulse against him a mere split second later, and sensed Rodney’s pumping climax. They came to a halt, and John knelt there, straddled over Rodney’s body, his breath coming in heaving gasps. Beneath him, Rodney was gazing up at him with an adoring expression on his face, and a wide smile on his lips.

 

“I did it didn’t I?” he whispered. “I got the timing right.”

 

“You did.” John leaned forward, and rewarded his obedient sub with a kiss on his lips.

 

“Oh god that was amazing,” Rodney sighed afterwards. “Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome.” John got off of Rodney’s softening cock, and felt Rodney’s come trickle out of his anus and down his leg. That gave him an idea, which he stored away for later.

 

He untied Rodney and removed his cuffs, chucking them wearily onto the floor, and then gathered up his sub in his arms and they lay there, too sated too move. The candles were now burning low, and some of them had winked out altogether, leaving the room in semi- darkness.

 

“I have to ask,” John said, his arms wrapped happily around his warm submissive, glad to have Rodney back in his bed for a whole night again. “The candles and the oil – where the hell did you get them? Because I don’t believe for a second that you brought ‘em with you from Earth.”

 

Rodney gave his trademark giggle. “You’d be right not to believe that,” he replied. “I didn’t. I, uh, did a trade with Katie Brown. Oh, okay, I have to admit something. They weren’t my idea. I was returning Katie’s magazine to her earlier and I thought I’d ask her what the hell a sub should do if he’s pissed off his top and wants to make amends. She told me that she never pisses Miko off but when she wants to surprise her, she strips naked, gets oiled up, lights a few candles, and waits for her in Miko’s quarters.”

 

“Wow. Lucky Miko,” John commented. Rodney elbowed him in the ribs.

 

“You only have room in your life for one submissive so don’t go getting lecherous thoughts about Katie,” he sniffed.

 

“I wasn’t,” John grinned, because he liked it when Rodney got jealous. “Just thinking – way to go Miko for choosing subs who like spoiling her so much. So, what did you have to trade to get the candles and the oil?”

 

“That’s between me and Katie,” Rodney said. John squeezed his ass warningly.

 

“Rodney.”

 

“Oh okay. It’s just embarrassing. Uh, Miko only has one pair of those PVC boots she likes and they’re wearing a little thin. No chance of getting any more stuck out here in the Pegasus galaxy, so I have to, um, manufacture some PVC so Katie can give her a new pair of boots on their anniversary next month.”

 

John laughed out loud. “You have to make Miko a pair of boots?” he said, gazing at his sub in amused disbelief.

 

“No!” Rodney protested. “I have to make some PVC – which actually isn't that hard. Katie’s getting the boots designed and sewn up by an Athosian cobbler on the mainland, although actually I’m pretty good at designing and making things so…oh shit, did I just destroy any street cred I had left admitting that?” Rodney asked.

 

John snorted. “Rodney, you’ve never had any street cred,” he said

 

“Oh.” Rodney looked ever so slightly crestfallen at that, although really, John had no idea how his beloved geeky sub could ever have believed he had street cred.

 

“And making PVC is *such* a good use of our facilities here, to say nothing of that enormous brain of yours,” John teased, pinching Rodney’s bottom. Rodney emitted a world-weary sigh but rested his head on John’s chest all the same.

 

“I DO have an enormous brain,” he said, a trifle smugly. John pinched his bottom again. “Okay, okay. But remember I did it for you.”

 

John squeezed him tight. “You did, and I’m very grateful – as I think I just showed you.”

 

“Mmmm. Yeah. Oh god, that was so incredibly fantastic. I wondered if you’d ever let me…you know, but I thought you probably wouldn’t because you’re so bossy during sex and then…oh god.”

 

“Don’t get too used to it,” John told him. “I don’t get the urge very often, and when I do it’s most likely to be you lying flat on your back, and me on top.”

 

“Hmm, well, you on top is pretty much the way it should be,” Rodney said, in a contented little murmur, his eyes drooping.

 

John smiled, and pulled the blanket up around them both. He watched as Rodney fell asleep in his arms, and it felt so good after so many nights spent in this bed alone.

 

John realised he had made a mistake in allowing Rodney to get buried so deep in his search for the ZPMs. He had forgotten just how smart his boyfriend was. Rodney had a tendency to live too much in his own brain, and he needed a strong top to help him relax and switch off from his obsessions.

 

John traced a hand over Rodney's sleeping body. Rodney was more relaxed than he had been before their sex session, but his shoulders were still tight from days of tension. John frowned, feeling the knots beneath his fingertips as he gently rubbed Rodney's shoulders and neck. He felt annoyed with himself – he'd failed Rodney and allowed the situation to get out of hand. He supposed it was inevitable that he'd screw things up at some point. They were still relatively new to each other, and so far their relationship had been so sexually charged that nothing else had mattered. They had to find a way to live and work together too – and he had to learn to read his complex sub better.

 

John wrapped his arms around Rodney and pulled him close, and his sub came, murmuring something in his sleep. John held him, planning for the day ahead – he'd relax all this tension out of Rodney, and give his sub the release he needed right now.

 

Sometimes he forgot how much Rodney carried the weight of the city on his shoulders. Rodney was the Head of Science after all, and they relied on him to keep things working and come up with brilliant ideas that would save their lives in the nick of time. That had to be a strain. His brilliance was often so immediate, and so effortless, that people forgot the long hours he put in at the lab, and the way he tried so hard to get them what they needed – such as the ZPM.

 

John mulled over his idea for what he'd do the following day. He doubted Rodney would like it at first – but if it worked, it would give his sub the rest and relaxation he so clearly needed right now. And it was up to John to make sure it *did* work. He was Rodney's top, and Rodney's wellbeing was his responsibility - and one that he was happy to shoulder.

 

He kissed Rodney’s hair, gently, inhaling the scent of it. Rodney smelled of fragrant oil combined with sex and sweat, and, a bit, of the lab, the way he always did. John liked the combination so much that he kept his nose pressed against Rodney’s hair for a long time, before he, too, fell asleep.

 

~*~

 

 

Rodney woke the next morning to the sensation of his top playing with his cock. It was an entirely good sensation, and his cock hardened immediately.

 

He stretched, feeling his muscles creak slightly. He felt stiff, but the long sleep had done him good, and his body was starting to unwind. He realised, guiltily, how stupid he'd been, working himself into the ground and ignoring John's concern for him.

 

He knew he’d been behaving badly, but his obsession with finding a ZPM had got the better of him. He winced as he recalled how he’d avoided his top for fear that John would call him on it, and the hissy fit he’d thrown the previous day.

 

“Okay?” John sounded surprised, mis-reading his wince. “I’m not hurting you, am I?”

 

He wasn’t. He was doing entirely nice things to Rodney’s cock – things that made Rodney wish he could purr like a cat.

 

“No. I was just thinking that my body feels much happier when it’s having regular sex with you and how much of an idiot I was to avoid you for the past few days,” Rodney sighed.

 

“Well, I agree,” John said, in that drawl of his. “Which is why you’re going to spend the day focussing on whose collar you wear and why.”

 

Rodney turned and gazed into John’s warm hazel eyes, feeling a rising surge of panic.

 

“You said you were going to do something,” he babbled. “I guess I deserve a punishment but I’m really sorry and….”

 

“Shut up, Rodney,” John interrupted him. “You did the whole apology thing last night and very nice it was too. And what I have in mind isn’t so much a punishment as a way of reminding you that I’m your top because you seemed to forget that yesterday.”

 

“Yeah.” Rodney made a face, remembering that he’d flipped the finger at John, among other things.

 

“So, I have something very specific in mind for you today.” John grinned, and removed his hand from Rodney’s cock.

 

“That sounds bad,” Rodney said, grinning back, because it also sounded kind of arousing.

 

“Well, that depends on how you look at it. I’ve no doubt it’ll be uncomfortable,” John said. “Maybe a little inconvenient, but, knowing you, it’ll possibly also be a giant turn on too.”

 

“Oh, bad *and* good. I like it.” Rodney sat up eagerly.

 

“All right. Today, your body is mine.”

 

“It always is,” Rodney said simply.

 

John gave a little glowing smile, and reached out to rest his hand on Rodney’s neck. “I know – but usually I have to share it with you,” he said. “Today – it’s mine. Every bodily function is mine. You won’t eat or drink anything that I haven’t hand fed you – so that means no donuts when you’re working, and definitely no coffee.”

 

“What?!” Rodney protested.

 

“You heard. If you want coffee you'll have to come to me so I can give it to you.”

 

“Oh okay,” Rodney agreed grudgingly, wondering what else this entailed.

 

“Good. Now, first off we’ll shower. I’ll soap you down – I don’t want you touching yourself,” John told him. Rodney nodded, his eyes wide and curious. This all sounded very hot but also kind of scary too, and he wasn't sure how he felt about it as the dual emotions warred with each other.

 

He followed John into the shower, and then stood there, while John grabbed the soap. John took his time, as he always did, and Rodney forced himself to just stand there and not get involved. Usually he liked to race through his shower, always doing everything boring at top speed so he could get onto more interesting stuff – usually his lab work.

 

Occasionally showers with John were fun – when they involved hot sex. This one didn’t seem to though. It mainly seemed to involve John doing that weird inspection thing that he liked doing so much. He examined every inch of Rodney’s body, spending a long time peering at his cock for some reason, perhaps to make sure it had survived the total joy of the previous evening’s sex session without coming to any harm, which Rodney could have told him was a total waste of time. In fact he *did* try to tell him, but John just glared at him until he shut up.

 

When he’d finished washing Rodney thoroughly, John turned him around and lubed his anus. This made Rodney’s cock harden because it promised imminent sex, and that was always a good thing. Then John turned him around again, and made him stand and watch while he showered himself.

 

Rodney enjoyed the floor show far too much to want to complain about that. John looked damn good wet, the water running in little rivulets through his abundant chest hair, and down over his frankly magnificent penis. Rodney gazed at John’s penis longingly; it was the source of much pleasure, and he was always mindful of his duty as a sub to keep it permanently happy.

 

John didn’t allow him to touch though. He ordered Rodney out of the shower and dried him, and then himself, and then ordered Rodney back into the bedroom. Rodney felt himself chafing slightly at all the orders and restrictions. It was one thing to be washed and dried as part of some enjoyable foreplay but John just seemed to be denying him any control over his own body as a rather irksome form of punishment. He did get it though – he knew this was John’s way of teaching him a lesson about the way he’d been behaving over the previous few days, and that was fair enough.

 

John joined him in the bedroom, and reached for the specially engineered cock ring. Rodney grinned – he was still ridiculously pleased with himself for creating it, especially as he was sure John was going to get a real kick out of using it on him.

 

John grinned back at him, taking hold of his penis and snapping the fastening shut over it with a little clicking sound. Then he pressed the button on it and it glowed into life, encircling his cock in an intense shade of green. Rodney had designed the ring to fit his own penis and it did so snugly. It felt comfortable – he was aware of it but it didn’t hurt at all. He liked the way it looked, imprisoning his cock in its glowing embrace.

 

“Touch yourself,” John ordered.

 

Rodney reached down towards his cock, only for his fingers to buzz as they were repelled by the small forcefield. John’s eyes glinted and he laughed out loud. “Oh man this is hot,” he murmured, reaching out himself.

 

His fingers easily penetrated the forcefield, and he took hold of Rodney’s cock and tugged on it, rubbing it to a state of full erection. Rodney moaned softly, feeling his cock grow rigid, the blood trapped by the ring. It felt much tighter now, but it wasn’t more than mildly uncomfortable. “How far does the field stretch?” John asked. “Show me.”

 

Rodney trailed his fingers down his chest towards his penis – he got to just beneath his midriff before the shield kicked in. The field extended in a wide strip around his genitals, and down to around the mid-thigh area.

 

“Okay – you’re going to wear it all day,” John told him.

 

Rodney snapped his head up in surprise. “All day?” he squeaked. “I mean…I thought it would be a fun toy for a sex session but…all day?”

 

“Yes. All day.” John stood up. “Now kneel at the end of the bed. I’m going to take you from behind.”

 

“But what about using the bathroom?” Rodney said, baulking at the thought of wearing the damn thing all day.

 

“You’ll have to come and ask me,” John told him pleasantly.

 

“And then you’ll take it off so I can pee?” Rodney asked.

 

John shook his head. “Nope. Then I’ll hold your cock so you can pee,” he said.

 

Rodney groaned and threw himself down on the bed, thudding his head onto the pillow several times. “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me!” he wailed.

 

“Well if you will give your top interesting new toys to play with…” John snorted.

 

Rodney glared at him. “It wasn’t supposed to be used like this!” he complained.

 

“Will it cause you any harm?” John asked.

 

Rodney thought about lying but then he caught the expression on John’s face and sighed. “You mean apart from me losing any shred of dignity I possess? No,” he said.

 

“Then you’ll wear it all day,” John told him firmly. “Now, I believe I told you to kneel on the end of the bed so I can take you. Did you want me to add a spanking to the day’s ‘indignities’?”

 

“No,” Rodney muttered grumpily, getting onto his hands and knees and positioning himself for John’s easy access. He felt John’s hands on his bottom and he couldn’t stop himself sighing and pushing back a little into John’s warm embrace. He loved how much John liked touching his ass – it was such a turn on.

 

“Another thing,” John said, still running his hands over Rodney’s buttocks. “You don’t get to come.”

 

“Oh for god’s sa…” Rodney began, starting to rise.

 

John chose that moment to pull open his buttocks and slide his hard cock into his anus, and Rodney gave a startled cry and put his hands back on the bed. He was used to John’s familiar, hard length, and he loved how it felt inside him. He couldn’t believe how quickly he’d gone from disliking anal sex to loving it. There were times when he literally craved the sensation of John’s cock in his anus. He knew that John had a thing about being inside him, and it was a thing that Rodney had rapidly come to share. It just felt so good, so intense. There was never a time when it was less than satisfying, even if he wasn’t allowed to come.

 

John grabbed hold of Rodney’s thighs and began riding him in earnest, and Rodney threw back his head, whimpering in pleasure as John’s cock hit his prostate with each inward thrust. He longed to put his hand down and pull on his own cock but, even if he had been allowed to, the cock ring wouldn’t have given him access. It felt hot, knowing that only John could touch his ass and genitals, and Rodney’s cock went into a little spasm, excited by the thought.

 

John rode him hard, taking Rodney just up to the edge but never over it, his hands firm on Rodney’s hips, reminding him that he was his submissive, to be taken without mercy whenever John wanted him. Rodney found that thought a turn on too, and he was moaning with pleasure when John finally cried out his name and ejaculated deep inside him. He felt John stroking him with trembling hands for a few seconds, and then his top withdrew.

 

“Stay where you are,” John warned him. “I don’t want you to move.”

 

Rodney did as he was told, wondering what was coming next, enjoying the anticipation. John went over to the nightstand and pulled out a butt plug from his box of tricks. Rodney frowned – John had never used anything like this on him before. It was a large butt plug too – not as big as John’s thick cock, but pretty big all the same.

 

John slathered it in lubricant and then he went behind Rodney, and slid it into his anus. It didn’t feel warm and comforting like John’s cock, or fit so perfectly inside his body the way John’s cock fit there – it felt hard and unyielding, and Rodney wriggled, disliking the sensation.

 

“You’ll wear that all day,” John told him. “It’ll be, quite literally, a plug, keeping my come inside you.”

 

Rodney gave a little whimper. It sounded unpleasant – but his cock was rock hard so he clearly liked the idea more than he thought.

 

“You can get up now,” John told him, and Rodney got up, gingerly. “Let’s see you walk,” John said. Rodney walked across the room, trying to get used to the way the butt plug felt inside him. It felt intrusive and uncomfortable and he felt awkward walking around with it.

 

“I don’t like it,” he complained.

 

“Does it hurt?” John asked.

 

“No. I just don’t like it,” Rodney replied.

 

“I didn’t like you avoiding me for days on end, and then snapping at me when I showed some concern for you,” John told him. Rodney sighed. “You’ll wear it all day – it’ll remind you that you’re collared now, and subject to my discipline,” John told him. “Now come here and stop pouting.”

 

“Oh I so don’t pout,” Rodney said, pouting.

 

John laughed out loud and pulled him into his arms. He kissed Rodney’s unwilling mouth and Rodney gave in, and returned the kiss with his usual passion. He’d never yet been able to resist one of John’s deep kisses. John reached down while they were kissing and pushed the end of the plug so that it wiggled inside Rodney’s body, pressing in even deeper. Then he released Rodney, and stroked his sub’s hair.

 

“When I call you on the radio I want you to stop what you’re doing and come immediately to my office – understood?”

 

“Yes,” Rodney sighed, still undecided about whether making his top the cock ring had been a good idea or a really, really bad one. “Don’t let the power trip go to your head or anything,” Rodney muttered as John disappeared into the bathroom to wash down.

 

John paused and Rodney held his breath, unsure what mood his top was in, and how well that remark had gone down.

 

“Oh, I fully intend to let it go to my head, Rodney,” John told him silkily. “Anything else you wanted to say? Because I’m thinking a nice, hard spanking followed by you not being able to rub the sting out of your ass might feed my power-crazed tendencies right now.”

 

Rodney swallowed hard. “Nope,” he squeaked. “Nothing else to say.”

 

“Good.Then stay there until I come and dress you.”

 

Rodney sighed. He hated waiting around, hated not being able to do the normal things he’d usually do. John re-emerged a few minutes later, fully dressed, and he set about dressing Rodney.

 

He pulled Rodney’s boxers up his legs and snapped the elastic enthusiastically around Rodney’s waist. Rodney rolled his eyes at him – but just a little, in case that spanking was still on offer. John didn’t allow Rodney to dress any part of his body – he did it all himself – admonishing Rodney to keep still throughout.

 

“You know, undressing people is much more fun than dressing them,” Rodney commented, scowling down at his top as John tied his bootlaces.

 

“Is that so?” John smiled at him pleasantly. “And what makes you think I want you to have any fun today?”

 

Rodney opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it again. Today was going to be really, really irritating. He could tell.

 

John took Rodney to breakfast, where he hand fed him with his usual annoying slowness, and then he escorted Rodney to his lab, planting a kiss on his cheek when they got there.

 

“See you later – be good,” he said, resting his hand on Rodney’s bottom and pushing the butt plug even more firmly into place. Rodney gasped – the damn thing was intrusive enough as it was without John making it any worse. He wished he could go to the bathroom and take the bloody thing out, but he couldn’t touch himself there so he had no choice but to live with it. A part of him also got a little thrill out of knowing that John’s come was still inside him, the butt plug keeping it in place.

 

He walked into his lab in a foul mood, barked at every single member of his team before pouring himself a coffee, and then he remembered that John had told him he wasn’t allowed to eat or drink anything and he stomped back to his work station angrily, sat down with a heavy sigh, and then received an unpleasant surprise as the butt plug made itself felt. He got to his feet with a startled yelp and Peter Grodin glanced at him.

 

“Everything okay, McKay?”

 

Rodney drew himself up to his full height, feeling the butt plug jutting even deeper inside him. “Oh yeah. Everything is just peachy,” he said glumly.

 

He lasted an hour before needing the bathroom. He tried to ignore it but eventually he gave in and took himself off to John’s office. John glanced up and smiled.

 

“I’ve been thinking about you,” he said.

 

“I’ve been thinking about you too but probably in an entirely different way,” Rodney said grumpily.

 

“Ah, ways to kill me?” John said sympathetically.

 

“I’ve counted 153 so far – all of them agonising and gory. I’m making a list,” Rodney replied. “But right now - I need to pee.”

 

John grinned, and followed him along the hallway to the bathroom. He stepped into the stall with Rodney, stood behind him, and opened Rodney’s fly. Rodney stood there, feeling absolutely ridiculous. John slid his hand into Rodney’s boxers, took hold of his cock, and pointed it at the pan. Now that he was able to pee, Rodney found he was completely unable to do so.

 

“Problem?” John wrapped one arm around Rodney’s chest, and kissed his neck affectionately.

 

“I can’t do this!” Rodney said miserably.

 

“Sure you can. I’ve seen you pee loads of times,” John told him. “I’ve also held your cock loads of times.”

 

“Yes, but never when I’m trying to pee!” Rodney protested.

 

“It’s my cock, Rodney. I can touch it any time I like,” John told him. “It belongs to me.”

 

“This is torture,” Rodney said, trying to concentrate. His bladder was aching but it was so hard letting go.

 

“I think it’s an attitude thing,” John murmured. “You won’t be able to pee until you accept my control over your body, and you’re not doing that. You’re still fighting it.”

 

“It’s hard,” Rodney said miserably.

 

“I know.” John kissed his neck again. “But it’s a lesson you have to learn. You didn’t behave like my collared sub yesterday, Rodney. If you have any issues we can talk about it, but you have to learn you’re not alone any more. You’re mine now – what bothers you bothers me, and you need to learn to share that.”

 

Rodney leaned back against his top, grateful for John’s solid presence behind him. Maybe John was right. It wasn’t easy for him to really let go, and explore his submissive side. He was still fighting John for control in many different ways.

 

He tried consciously to surrender, reminding his body that he’d accepted John’s collar for a reason, and although one of those reasons had been the incredibly hot sex, he’d also yearned for the security and comfort of being a collared sub and surrendering his body to someone he loved and trusted.

 

Slowly, infinitely slowly, he began to pee. He had to concentrate at first but once he got into full flow it was easy enough. John waited until he was done, and shook his penis dry. Then he started stroking it.

 

“Oh god,” Rodney moaned, feeling his cock harden.

 

“That’s good. Get hard for me,” John told him.

 

“Then you’ll let me come?” Rodney asked hopefully.

 

“Nope. I just like reminding your cock who it belongs to.”

 

“It knows!” Rodney wailed. “It really knows!”

 

“Mmm, well, I like having visible evidence of that,” John teased, still stroking. He wasn’t satisfied until he’d brought Rodney to full erection, and then they had to wait until it subsided a little so that John could tuck it back into Rodney’s boxers again. It all took so long, and Rodney found himself fretting again. He wasn’t used to being taken back to basics like this, and it grated on so many levels.

 

“I’m finding this really hard,” he admitted to John.

 

John smiled and stroked his arm affectionately. “I know, Rodney,” he said. “But remember those limits you wanted to test?”

 

“Yeah.” Rodney sighed.

 

“Giving up control isn’t easy – especially for someone like you.”

 

“You’re not going to let me give up on this are you?” Rodney said, and he wasn’t sure if he was voicing a question or a hope.

 

“No.” John shook his head. "Now come on – let's go back to my office so you can have some coffee. I know you must be dying from caffeine withdrawal right now."

 

"Oh god yes!" Rodney sighed. "Unless…this isn't just your cunning way of making me need to pee again soon is it?" he asked suspiciously. John just laughed and pulled him close for a kiss.

 

Rodney returned to work, fully caffeinated, a little while later. He was just getting back into his experiment when John radioed him and called him to his office again. Rodney stomped back there in high dudgeon.

 

“What? Is it important?” Rodney growled. “Because I AM busy you know!”

 

“You’re always busy,” John told him. “Now kneel down in front of me and give me a blow job.”

 

“What? You called me here to give you a blow job? I was just here half an hour ago – couldn’t you have asked for the blow job then?” Rodney snapped.

 

“No. Now get over here and start sucking,” John ordered.

 

Rodney stomped towards him, and threw himself down in front of him, still muttering to himself. John opened his fly, and released his cock, and Rodney reached forward – to find John blocking his way. “Mouth only. Hands behind your back,” John told him.

 

Rodney gazed up at him, in two minds about whether to turn around and walk straight back out – only he had a bloody great butt plug stuck up his ass and couldn’t even pee without John’s help right now so he knew that wasn’t a good idea. John’s hazel eyes gazed back at him, completely uncompromising.

 

Rodney nodded, and put his hands behind his back. Then he leaned forward and took John’s hard cock in his mouth. He never failed to get aroused by any contact with John’s powerful cock, and it was hardly a chore for him to give his top fantastic oral sex so he was looking forward to getting fully engrossed in the task.

 

John wouldn’t allow him to give his normal spectacular though – he took the control away from Rodney, and held his sub’s head in his hands.

 

“I’m in charge, Rodney. Just give it all up to me,” John ordered, sliding his thumb over Rodney’s cheek, encouraging him.

 

Rodney struggled for a moment, unable to keep the rhythm, and resenting that he wasn’t able to control the event, the way he usually did when giving blowjobs.

 

“You can do it…just let go,” John urged. His hands were firm on the side of Rodney’s face, making it impossible for him to draw back, and his thrusts were deep and measured.

 

Finally Rodney made an effort to go with it, offering his mouth to his top for his pleasure, expecting nothing else and just surrendering the use of his lips, and it became easier then. He relaxed his mouth, and timed his breathing, and then got into it.

 

It actually felt like quite a turn on, giving himself up to John in this most basic way for this most basic use. He liked giving up responsibility for the event, and just allowing John to take what he wanted. He felt as if he'd switched off, and was flying, bobbing away happily in a little bubble of contentment.

 

It was just him and John’s cock, sliding in and out of his open mouth, and he always enjoyed having John in his mouth. Unlike when he was delivering one of his usual spectaculars, he didn’t have to think about how he could bring John to orgasm, or find new ways to excite him – all he had to do was relax, and surrender.

 

He came to a few minutes later to find that John was shuddering, and his come was erupting down Rodney’s throat in warm spurts. Rodney swallowed it down happily, still lost in a haze.

 

John stroked his hair for awhile as he recovered, and then he lifted Rodney’s face, and kissed him hard on the mouth.

 

“That was good,” he said. Rodney gazed up at him dreamily.

 

“Mmm,” he replied. He felt that warm energy begin to flow between them again and he liked the way it felt. He hadn’t realised he’d been missing it. His few days of truculence had interrupted the flow which seemed to thrive on them being close, skin on skin, and on the exchange of power between them during sex.

 

“Back to work. I’ll call you for lunch,” John said as Rodney got to his feet. “Oh, and before you go….”

 

He reached out and swung Rodney over the table, slid his hand down the back of Rodney’s pants and took hold of the butt plug. He pumped it in and out, slowly, fucking Rodney with it, back and forth, before pushing it back into place and removing his hand from Rodney’s pants.

 

"Good boy," he murmured, pulling Rodney in for another kiss before releasing him back to the lab.

 

Rodney returned to work with a pleasantly warm sensation in his anus. John was right, he thought to himself as he walked. All he could think about, all day long, was his need to pee, or the sweet ache in his anus from the plug, or pleasuring John. And all the while he was aware of John’s come, still trapped inside his own body, marking him in its own territorial way as his top’s possession and plaything. It brought him back to himself, reminding him vividly of the collar he wore around his neck.

 

Rodney started to hum to himself. His top was exerting a considerable amount of dominance and there was something about that which made him feel safe. He wasn't sure why – he'd never gone this far in any previous relationship – and while it had chafed - certainly to begin with - he was starting to see that there was something completely sublime about it too.

---

 

Part Eighteen: Synergy

 

John had another surprise in store for him at lunch.

 

"You want me to kneel?" Rodney said the words slowly, glaring at his top.

 

"I do, yes," John replied, with that pleasant smile of his that Rodney was coming to hate.

 

"On the floor?" Rodney queried.

 

"Yes. Beside me." John nodded.

 

"People will be able to see," Rodney hissed from between clenched teeth.

 

"Yes they will." John shrugged. "What's the problem? Miko always makes her subs kneel when she's feeding them."

 

"Well that's Miko! She's not called the Dragon Lady for nothing!" Rodney protested.

 

"Plenty of other tops do it too," John said, waving his hand around the room.

 

In fact, there weren't any kneeling subs currently in the room. It wasn't unusual for a top to require their submissive to kneel while being fed, but it wasn't all that commonplace, either. Nobody would raise an eyebrow though – it was perfectly acceptable behaviour.

 

"Now, I want you to go and get the food, bring it back here, put it in front of me, and then kneel down beside me – and all without talking. You're in deep submission and forbidden to talk to anyone except me during this meal. Understood?"

 

Rodney just stood there, glaring at him. Nobody would usually address a sub kneeling in deep submission unless given permission by their top, but John obviously wanted Rodney to be very sure about the rules. He knew there was no real point in arguing about it – John had made it very clear what today was all about, and Rodney knew that the sooner he gave in and did what he was told, the easier it'd be. But he was Rodney McKay, and he didn't always take the easy route.

 

"You're enjoying this far too much you know," he growled at his top.

 

"And you'd enjoy it far more than you think if you'd just stop fighting it," John replied.

 

Rodney was going to argue about that but he suspected John had a point so he just turned on his heel and went to get the food. He hoped and prayed that it would be a quiet day in the mess hall, with as few people to witness his deep submission as possible, but it was not to be. By the time he brought the big plate of food back to his top the room was heaving with people.

 

Rodney took a deep breath, and decided to do as John had advised, and stop fighting it. He put the plate down in front of his top, and then knelt down beside him without saying a word. John put a hand on Rodney's shoulders and stroked softly, and Rodney quivered, his muscles relaxing as the caress eased some of the tension he always carried in his shoulders and neck.

 

"My beautiful sub," John murmured, and Rodney looked up, startled by the praise.

 

John smiled at him, and pressed a forkful of food to his lips. Rodney took it and chewed slowly, gazing into space.

 

Teyla and Ford joined them. Teyla spared him only a fond glance before turning to talk to John. Rodney braced himself for Ford's response but was surprised to see a look of envy in the lieutenant's eyes, followed by a flash of longing as he cast a sideways glance at Teyla. Rodney realised how much Ford would love to be kneeling by her side right now, being hand fed, and he relaxed even more. John was right. When he stopped fighting it he felt so much happier.

 

Nobody placed him in a difficult position by speaking to him, and it actually felt relaxing not to be trying to eat and talk at the same time which was his normal mealtime pattern. In fact, it was relaxing not to talk at all. Usually he talked more than anyone else, and it felt like a respite to be ordered not to.

 

He found himself leaning against John's knee, and nuzzling at John's hand when it came down to stroke his hair and the side of his face, which it often did. He was so lost in the moment he barely registered anyone's reactions to him, but when he looked up to take another mouthful of food, he caught the slightly stunned expression on Ford's face. Clearly nobody expected even a top as strong and experienced as Colonel Sheppard to be able to publicly keep a sub as outspoken and difficult as himself in a state of deep submission.

 

For the first time, Rodney realised that he’d been given a gift. It was just one day, but John was giving him a chance to let go, and de-stress. He could spend an entire day in the submissive headspace and just enjoy the experience, without worrying about anything else.

 

Carson arrived a few minutes later, and Rodney thought he should probably be embarrassed that Carson, of all people, was witnessing his submission but he wasn’t. And Carson just rocked back on his heels, and smiled at him fondly.

 

"Ah, that's a sight for sore eyes," he said, sitting down at the table beside John. "It's lovely seeing him so happy," he said to John.

 

Rodney barely noticed the comment. He was lost in a little world of his own, and it was an extremely nice place to be. He was actually sorry when the meal was over – it had been a new experience, and while he didn't want to eat every meal this way, there was something very relaxing about being given permission to opt out from all social interaction and just listen.

 

He found he had become much more attuned to John's movements, noticing every rise and fall of John's hand as he fed them both, eagerly anticipating every stroke and caress his top bestowed upon him, and acutely aware of the warmth of John's thigh against his arm. When they finished the meal, John reached down, took hold of Rodney's face between his hands, and kissed him softly and tenderly on the lips.

 

"Thank you, Rodney," he said quietly.

 

Rodney felt his entire body tingle from the pleasure of being praised by his top, and he pressed his lips to John's leather clad knee and kissed him there. Now he understood why Katie liked kissing Miko's shiny PVC boots so much. There was something very erotic about kissing John's leather pants – the smell was intoxicating for a start, and the fabric felt so cool and soft beneath his mouth. John stroked his hair, and then he took Rodney's hand and guided him up, and they left the mess hall together, John's hand resting on Rodney's ass as they walked.

 

The afternoon passed in a similar haze. Rodney went to John without demur when he needed to pee, and was equally happy to visit his top on request and take John in his mouth again.

 

His body was starting to unwind, and he felt looser, and more relaxed. He had no qualms about John holding his penis when he used the bathroom, and he loved it when John made him kneel in front of him and open his mouth to accept his top's hard cock. He liked having his mouth fucked, liked not being asked to do anything except offer his obedience and willing body, to allow John to do as he wished with him.

 

It was oddly liberating – Rodney didn't know why, but it was so good to just surrender, without question. He lived so much in his head that it felt good to not have any choices – to give his entire self to John.

 

By the time he returned to John's quarters, as instructed, later that evening, he was even enjoying the intrusive presence of the butt plug in his anus. It was evidence that he was John's, and he loved the thrill that knowledge gave him. He also loved knowing that he was holding a part of John inside him, and that John’s come was still trapped, deep within his body.

 

John was waiting for him in his quarters when he arrived at seven p.m. and Rodney went straight over to the table and knelt beside his top, without saying a word. He spread his knees, lowered his head, and just knelt there, totally submissive. John didn’t say a word for several minutes, but Rodney didn’t look up. When John wanted to speak to him he would. All Rodney had to do was wait, and obey his top’s will.

 

"Very good," John purred at last, and his fingers swept the side of Rodney's face affectionately. "Now, we're going to go one step further. I think you're ready for it." Rodney looked up, gazing at John happily. He trusted his top, and if John wanted to take him a step further then he was happy to take it.

 

John picked up a strip of black fabric from the table. "Close your eyes," he ordered.

 

Rodney did as he was told, and John wrapped the blindfold around his face and tied it at the back.

 

"Comfortable?" John asked.

 

"Yes," Rodney nodded.

 

"See anything?"

 

"No." Rodney shook his head. He didn't wonder what was coming next – he was so lost in his own subspace that he had surrendered all control. John was in charge, and John would do whatever he wanted, and Rodney was totally fine with that.

 

"I'm going to feed you – I brought some dinner from the mess hall," John said.

 

Rodney nodded, memories of the tranquillity of lunch still fresh in his mind. He opened his mouth obediently whenever John touched the fork to his lips, and took whatever John placed on his tongue.

 

At first it felt strange, and it wasn't easy for him to identify what he was being fed. Then he stopped trying – he just chewed, savouring each bite, and then swallowed. It was remarkable how much more he tasted his food being fed this way. He didn't always know what he was eating, but he learned to appreciate textures and flavours so much more intensely by not being able to see his food.

 

He didn't like everything John put in his mouth but he didn't spit anything out. If John wanted him to eat it then he would, whether he liked it or not. John knew exactly the kinds of foods he liked and disliked, so if he was giving Rodney something he didn’t like then it was on purpose and Rodney had no choice in the matter. He was surrendering to his top's will, and he felt completely serene, and nothing, certainly not a mouthful of food, was going to jolt him out of that headspace.

 

When they'd finished eating, John helped him to his feet and then undressed him. He went slowly, and Rodney was fully erect by the time he was done. He hadn't been allowed to come all day, despite the many erotic things John had done to him, and he knew that he might not be allowed to come all night, either. It didn't matter. He belonged to John. His body was John's, to feed, and play with, to dress and undress and command as he wanted, and Rodney was very happy to offer himself up to him. If John didn't want him to come then that was fine by him. John took his hand and ordered him to bend over.

 

"The table's in front of you. Hold it," John told him, guiding him into place.

 

Rodney obeyed, and he felt John take hold of the butt plug, and then it was being gently removed. His anus ached as John pulled it out, and Rodney gave a little gasp, but he didn't move.

 

"Good boy. You wore this all day – I'm proud of you," John said, stroking Rodney's back affectionately. He helped him to stand up, and Rodney felt John’s come from that morning starting to seep out. That made his stomach do a little flip of pleasure. He loved knowing that he’d had that part of John inside his body for the entire day.

 

John took his hand and led him towards the bathroom, and Rodney walked with him, confidently, sure that John would guide him safely. John let go of his hand and told him to stand there, and Rodney stood still, waiting for his next order.

 

He heard the sound of rustling but he didn't even try and guess what was happening. He was John's. He belonged to John. He had been told to stand here and that was what he would do.

 

He felt John's hand on his cock, and then a little snap as the cock ring was removed. He sighed in relief, grateful not to have it digging into his erect flesh any more.

 

"The rules haven't changed. You still can't touch your cock or your ass," John told him, in low, soothing, firm tones. Rodney nodded serenely, perfectly happy with that.

 

John took his hand again, and guided him over to the tub. Rodney could feel by the warmth in the room that his top had drawn a bath. He heard John step into the tub, and then John helped him into the warm water too. The heat of the water caressing his skin felt strange when he couldn't see what he was stepping into, but he trusted John and his top guided him safely into the tub.

 

He heard the sound of splashing water as John sat down, and then Rodney was directed down between John’s legs. Rodney sat in the warm water with a sigh, and John pulled him back so that he was resting against his top's body, his shoulders pressed against John's chest, John's mouth nuzzling at the side of his face, his arms wrapped around Rodney's body.

 

"This is good. This is so good," John murmured into Rodney's ear, and his fingers trailed sensuously over one of Rodney's nipples, making him sigh and lean back against his top even more. He felt as if his entire body was starting to unravel and unwind, his shoulders loosening as he melted back into his top's body.

 

"That's it…just let go," John whispered, his fingers soothing gentle patterns onto Rodney's skin.

 

The blindfold heightened Rodney's awareness of his top's touch, just as being ordered not to speak at lunch earlier in the day had made him acutely aware of John's every movement and gesture.

 

They relaxed for a long time, and Rodney felt as if he was floating away and John was his anchor, the only thing keeping him tethered to any kind of reality. The water was so warm and soothing, and John's body was equally comforting, his legs and arms encircling Rodney as he lay back against John's chest in the warm water.

 

When the water started to cool, John began washing him. He rubbed soap all over his body, moving Rodney this way and that to get better access to various parts of his body, bestowing little kisses on Rodney's damp shoulders and neck while he worked. He took his time washing Rodney's cock and balls, rolling them between his soapy fingers and making Rodney harden once more.

 

"I like how you're so responsive to my touch," John whispered. Rodney barely even registered the comment. He was John's – of course his body responded when John touched him. That was just the way it should be.

 

He knelt forward at John's order, and felt John's soapy fingers deftly slide into his anus, cleaning him there, before washing him out with water. A little part of Rodney was sad that he no longer had John’s come inside his body, but it felt so warm and good to just allow his top to do what he wanted. Rodney rested his chin on the edge of the tub and relaxed even more. He felt so serene, so damn good. He didn't think his body had ever felt this relaxed.

 

John helped him out of the bath, and then dried him, before leading him back into the bedroom. He guided Rodney onto the bed, lying him face down, and then Rodney felt the mattress move as his top straddled him.

 

He smelled scented oil, and then felt John's fingers on his back, massaging the oil into his shoulders with firm strokes from his strong hands. Whatever knots were left in Rodney's back soon dissipated as John kneaded them into submission.

 

He took his time, and he seemed to know exactly what he was doing, his long fingers unerringly finding any sore spots and rubbing them away. Rodney started to hum again, unaware that he was even doing it, and time became a haze of John's fingers on his body, his own humming a contented backdrop to the delicious massage.

 

He felt John move further down, and then the oiled fingers were sliding into the cavity between his butt cheeks. He relaxed even more, opening up his legs wide, his anus loose, ready and waiting for his top's attention. John slicked it open even further with his fingers, until it was wide and welcoming, and Rodney raised his ass with each inward caress, wanting to take his top's fingers into him, and please his top any way he could.

 

Then the fingers withdrew, and he felt John settle down on top of him, his weight warm and loving. Rodney sighed into the pillow as John's hands landed on top of his own. John slid his fingers between Rodney's, entwining their hands, and then lifted his hips.

 

Rodney felt John's hard cock slide into his oiled, open anus and come to rest deep within. The entry had been the smoothest Rodney had ever experienced, like two parts of a well oiled machine coming together the way they had been designed to.

 

John lay there, fully inserted in Rodney's body. Rodney was so still, so serene and so attuned to John right now that he could feel the throbbing of his lover's cock inside his anus, and his own heart seemed to adjust to keep the same time. He felt as if he and John had melded together and were now the same person, living, breathing and moving as one.

 

John kissed the back of his neck, his fingers still entwined in Rodney's, and then he shifted his hips just a fraction, sliding out and back in with a smooth, gentle thrust. It felt exquisite. It wasn't the hurried frenzy of more urgent couplings, but the long, slow, culmination of something much more meaningful.

 

They had made love with their hearts, minds and bodies many times before, Rodney thought, in that hazy headspace he was currently inhabiting, but this…this was like making love with their souls. He had, quite simply, never experienced anything like it.

 

John moved his hips again, oh so slowly, and then slid back once more, deep into Rodney's body. It was almost non-sexual, if the act of making love could ever been called that. It went beyond sex though, for Rodney. It was the ultimate merging of sub and top, lovers moving as one, completely in step with each other.

 

"Mating dance," John whispered, as if reading his mind. "That's what Teyla calls it. I can see it now."

 

It *was* kind of like a dance – a slow, intense, exquisitely choreographed dance, both dancers knowing their steps perfectly. Rodney allowed his top to lead, surrendering his body entirely to John's control, trusting John to keep the beat.

 

They kept dancing for what felt like hours, their bodies moving as one, the air thick with the scent of oil. They were joined, John's cock filling his anus perfectly, belonging there, as if it had been designed to fit Rodney.

 

Everything had a dreamlike quality – all Rodney was aware of was a beautiful, endless motion and their two bodies rising and falling, gently and slowly. Nothing seemed real except for the sensation of John’s body moving against his own. Their hands were joined, John’s on top of his own, just as John’s body was resting on his, and John’s flesh was joined with his, his penis moving so sensuously inside him.

 

Time passed – he had no idea how long - and then John was whispering in his ear. "Come for me. Come now," and Rodney did. Without hesitation, without needing to touch himself. He just came on command, completely obedient to his top's orders right to the end.

 

John was coming too, not in a wild, urgent climax, but slow and deep. Rodney was glad to once again have John’s come inside his body, where it had been all day, where it belonged.

 

John lay on top of him for awhile, still inside him, their hands still entwined, his head resting on Rodney’s back. More time passed, and when John finally slid out of him Rodney gave a little whimper of loss. John pulled him onto his side and then settled down behind him, wrapping his arms around him the way he always did after sex.

 

"I love you," John murmured in his ear.

 

"I love you too," Rodney whispered back. He felt the blindfold being removed but he didn't open his eyes. He didn't want to be jolted out of the delicious place in his head where everything felt so peaceful. "Feels so good. Want to stay here a bit longer," he sighed.

 

John kissed the back of his neck. "That's fine. Stay there. I'm with you."

 

Rodney kissed John's arm where it was wrapped around his neck, and then he just rested there, nestled against his top.

 

He could feel that energy flow, the beginnings of the lifebond or whatever it was, running sweetly between them, stronger than ever. He vaguely recalled Carson telling them that it wasn't possible to cement a lifebond by accident, without meaning to, but whatever it was that they had was already pretty strong. How much stronger would a proper lifebond feel, he wondered?

 

"Can you feel it?" he whispered to John.

 

"Yeah. It's always like that after sex," John replied.

 

"Sometimes…sometimes I can feel it at other times. When we're not having sex," Rodney said. "Just…a hint of it."

 

"Does it scare you?" John asked.

 

"A bit. You?"

 

"Yeah."

 

Rodney felt John's muscles tighten involuntarily and he got the strangest sensation of sadness – only he wasn't feeling it himself – it seemed to be pulsing with the energy flow between them.

 

He turned in John's arms and opened his eyes, gazing at his top sharply. The sudden input of visual stimulation seemed to short circuit whatever he'd sensed – or maybe he'd stopped being so attuned to his top as his own senses reasserted themselves, but he knew what he'd felt.

 

"Your parents," he said softly, taking John's face between his hands. "You told me they were lifebonded, and that's why they both died together, but you never told me *this*."

 

He placed his hand on John's chest, frowning. He'd never been a particularly sensitive person – he wasn't good at reading social signals, or people's expressions, but this – this was different. This was John, and he had never been as close to anyone as he was to this man.

 

He closed his eyes again, concentrating on the energy flow once more, trying to block out everything but the beat of John's heart under his fingertips. He zoned back into that hazy, peaceful subspace almost immediately, and there it was. A savage grief, walled up behind strong defences, hidden behind a mask of easy-going charm that fooled almost everyone.

 

He had a sudden sense of John, a young man, still at college, reeling from the double tragedy that robbed him of his parents, and struggling to find a way of dealing with the pain. There were years and years of keeping people at bay, avoiding any more heartache, but through it all was that constant, aching sense of loss.

 

Rodney thought of his own parents, killed in a car crash when he was eighteen. He hadn't had the connection to them that John had had with his parents though. The only one he really cared about was Jeannie – and when he thought about *her*, his heart did a little flip.

 

"I felt that," John said. "What was that? Not your parents?"

 

Rodney opened his eyes again, still stunned by what this link between them was revealing.

 

"No. Jeannie. I was thinking about Jeannie."

 

"I didn't know you cared about her so much."

 

"She was my kid sister. I always looked out for her. I remember when my mom brought her home from the hospital – she was such a little thing, with a mop of blonde hair. I fell in love with her the minute I saw that scrunched up, red face. Of course I kind of hated her too – but that was how our family worked."

 

They were silent for awhile, just gazing at each other.

 

"What happened tonight?" Rodney asked finally.

 

"I don't know, but it was fantastic," John replied. "You were fantastic."

 

"It felt so amazing. I know I struggled with it throughout the day but by the time I got back here I was in that peaceful place in my head, and it just felt so good."

 

"I could feel how easy it was for you once you got there. Everything just flowed," John murmured. They leaned forward at the same time and kissed each other, a slow, mellow kiss.

 

"I had no idea anything like this existed," Rodney said afterwards. "I just…I used to think the magazines and books made up all that romantic crap. Sex was always good enough without them inventing new, unattainable levels to it that mere mortals couldn't reach. And then you came along and *this* happens and...."

 

"I'm with you on how crazy it is." John shook his head. "I had no idea about any of this, either."

 

"The lifebond thing freaks you out though."

 

"Yeah. Kind of. I hated how it robbed me of both my parents," John replied. His hazel eyes were oddly revealing – usually John's eyes gave nothing away. Now though, Rodney caught a glimpse of a whole lifetime of sadness.

 

"We don't have to talk about it again," Rodney said soothingly. "It's fine."

 

"One day I suspect we're going to have to talk about it.”

 

"We're both total commitment-phobes, Rodney sighed. "You with your lifebond freakout and me with my moving-in-together freakout."

 

"Yeah," John grinned.

 

"It's astonishing we're together. I have no idea how that happened. The universe must have a sense of humour."

 

"Yeah." John looked like some kind of wounded animal – the expression in his eyes was so naked that Rodney wondered why he'd never seen it before. He doubted he'd ever be fooled by the John Sheppard mask again.

 

Rodney took hold of John's head between his hands again and kissed him hard, trying to chase away the lurking demons. When he'd finished kissing him, Rodney pulled John close, and held him tight. They belonged together, each protective of the other, a partnership of equals, and he was glad that John Sheppard had finally allowed him to see into his soul.

 

They dozed, on and off, throughout the night, but every time that Rodney woke he immediately felt the energy flowing softly, sweetly between them. He wondered whether he'd always feel it from now on, like background noise, always there, just out of sight.

 

When they got up the next day he couldn't believe how good he felt. His entire body felt loose and relaxed – and his shoulders hadn't been so free of tension since he'd been a kid. John seemed to feel just as good, and Rodney found that while he wasn't as attuned to his top as he had been the previous night, some of that sense of the two of them melding into one person remained.

 

 

When they went offworld a few days later, Rodney had a newfound confidence in himself. He and John walked in step as they went through the gate, and Rodney was aware of every move John made. He followed his top, stopped when John did, and obeyed every order almost before John gave it.

 

They walked for a couple of miles towards the Wraith base of operations that John wanted to check out. They went slowly, aware that they could run into the Wraith at any time. Rodney felt more at ease than he'd ever felt on missions, sure of himself in a way that he had never been before. It helped to feel John's hand occasionally on his elbow, guiding him, or the little press of his thigh against Rodney's as they walked. That gave him a sort of inner sense of calm.

 

Rodney noticed Teyla glancing at them occasionally, an intrigued look on her face, and when they stopped to take some readings she came to stand beside him.

 

"You have achieved synergy," she told him. He raised an eyebrow. "When two people move as one during the mating dance? You have experienced that. I am surprised – I was not sure it was something you would ever be able to attain. He is so closed off, and you are so restless and volatile. I did not ever think you would be able to overcome those characteristics and truly merge. You must have a very unusual degree of compatibility."

 

"I really have no idea what most of that means," he told her, slightly miffed at being referred to as "volatile".

 

"It is a good thing." She bowed her head towards him, in a sign of respect he had seen her give only to John and Elizabeth before. "I am sorry, Dr McKay. I misjudged you – not for the first time, either. I have made the mistake I always advise others against – I allowed myself to be swayed by what you say, and not what you do."

 

"Thank you. I think," Rodney frowned, unsure if that was an insult or not.

 

"You must have great depths and compassion, to have drawn him out," she said. "I did not doubt your love before, but I did think it was more a matter of sexual compatibility rather than an emotional, spiritual or mental connection. I was wrong. You are worthy of him." She bowed again and then moved away, scanning the trees for evidence of the Wraith.

 

Rodney stared after her, feeling perplexed. He had no idea that any of what happened between him and his top in private was evident to anyone else, and it was unsettling. On the other hand, Teyla was often coming out with weird observations, and he doubted anyone else would have noticed anything different about how he and John were interacting.

 

They found the Wraith base – or rather they found where it had been. In its place was a massive crater. They barely had time to register that when Teyla saw several burly, faceless wraith warriors coming towards them. The first shots rang out almost simultaneously.

 

"Run!" John ordered the team, pushing Rodney away, back towards the puddle jumper. "Go tell Markham to get ready for take off. I'll cover you!"

 

Rodney hesitated, turning back. "What about you?" he asked.

 

"I'll be there in a minute. Go!" John said.

 

Rodney nodded, and shot his lover a glance before starting to run. He trusted John to get them out of this situation, but a part of him hated leaving him behind. He knew John would tan his ass if he disobeyed and insisted on staying, and he also knew that it was one less thing for John to worry about if Rodney did as he was told, but it was still hard to run off and leave John there.

 

He ran as fast as he could, aware of Teyla at his side, firing behind them as she went. He guessed she was under orders to protect him, as the weakest member of the team, when they were in situations like this. They made it back to the jumper and Rodney threw himself through the door. His neck was hurting like crazy and he had no idea why. He put up a hand to touch it, wondering if he'd taken a hit, but there was no blood there.

 

"Markham – Colonel Sheppard said to get ready for take off," he yelled.

 

Markham's eyes widened, and he slammed his hands onto the console. The engines hummed into life and Rodney turned, hoping to see John right behind him. His heart sank when nobody appeared.

 

"Where's John? Is Ford with him?" he asked Teyla, fighting down a rising sense of panic. His neck hurt so much now that he could hardly think straight.

 

"I do not know," she replied grimly.

 

"They were right behind us!" Rodney gabbled. "I don't…oh shit!" He doubled up in pain as something stabbed into his neck, hard.

 

"Dr McKay? Are you injured?" She bent over him but he waved her away.

 

"John?" he gasped. She hit her radio immediately.

 

"Lieutenant Ford?" Rodney heard Ford's strangled reply, followed by a burst of static. "Lieutenant – where are you? Is Colonel Sheppard with you? Is he okay?" Teyla asked, frowning at Rodney anxiously.

 

"I've got him…he's…there's….Look, I'm helping him back to the jumper. We'll be there in a few minutes. Just be ready to go. We've got wraith on our tail," Ford yelled.

 

Rodney drew his gun and ran to the door of the puddle jumper, his legs trembling and his neck still aching, to find his way blocked by Teyla.

 

"I will go," she told him. "You will stay here."

 

He considered arguing with her but at that moment he saw them, over her shoulder. John had one arm slung around Ford, and Ford was half-dragging, half-carrying him. Rodney's heart did a flip – unsure whether to be pleased John was still alive, or worried about why he

was unable to walk by himself.

 

"What the hell happened?" he demanded of nobody in particular. "Is he hurt? Why is Ford carrying him? Damnit I should never have left him behind."

 

Ford staggered into the puddle jumper and deposited John on the floor. Teyla slammed her hand on the door panel to close it and then turned to Markham. "Go! Now!" she ordered.

 

Rodney barely heard her. He flung himself down beside John and then stopped short, horrified. There was a huge, two foot long insect clamped to the side of John's neck, its sharp, spiny forelegs sunk deep into John's flesh, which was smeared with blood. Rodney rubbed the side of his own neck absently, dimly aware of why it was hurting so much, but too freaked out about John's condition to freak out about how he was experiencing it to some extent too.

 

"John?" He grabbed the side of his top's face to find two pain-filled hazel eyes gazing wearily back at him.

 

"I'm fine," John muttered.

 

"Oh stop being such a damn hero. You're patently not fine," Rodney bristled. The puddle jumper took off, juddering violently as it swung upwards.

 

"We're taking fire! Let's get some altitude!" John barked.

 

"I'm trying, sir!" Markham said desperately.

 

The ship bounced, erratically, and then picked up some speed, moving with more fluidity. Rodney turned back to John.

 

"Cut it off me," John growled, through gritted teeth.

 

Rodney hunkered down and took a good look at the creature attached to his lover's throat.

 

"That might not be such a good idea, sir," Ford said. "I tried shooting it off him back on the planet but it just made the pain worse," he explained to Rodney.

 

"I know," Rodney nodded, still examining the creature. Ford stared at him, with a puzzled look. "I felt it," Rodney said, remembering the massive spike in pain. "Look, I don't have time to explain. I don't think cutting it off you is going to work any more than shooting it off you," he told John.

 

"The creature just heals itself," Teyla said, looking grim.

 

Ford glanced at her. "You know what this is?"

 

"I think so. My people have stories about such creatures. It is feeding off the Colonel's strength – like the Wraith.

 

"You had to say that," John muttered.

 

"Look, we'll be back soon, John." Rodney squeezed his top's hand firmly. "Stackhouse – radio ahead as soon as we're in range and tell Dr Beckett we have a medical emergency," he yelled. "Carson will know what to do," he said to John, refusing to panic just yet.

 

"Yeah. Good old Carson. He always knows what to do," John mumbled, his eyes rolling back under his lids in a way that severely tested Rodney's resolve not to panic.

 

Teyla fished out the medical kit, looking for something to dampen the pain until they got back, but there was nothing strong enough. Rodney just crouched there, at his top's side, feeling completely useless. He gripped John's hand even tighter as his lover drifted in and out of consciousness, trying to keep John with them. Over his shoulder he could see the stargate, and he let out a sigh of relief. They'd soon be back, and then John would be okay. Carson would make him okay and everything would be alright….

 

The ship whooshed into the stargate, and then there was a grating sound, and an almighty bang and Rodney was thrown across the floor. He landed up on the other side of the jumper, bruised and dazed. He looked up, horrified, to see that half the ship was missing – and in its place was the event horizon, rippling and blue. It looked as if it had materialised inside the jumper.

 

"Oh shit," he muttered because this couldn't possibly be good.

 

It wasn't. Rodney swiftly figured out that the engine pods had been damaged on their escape from the planet and were unable to retract properly, leaving the ship stuck in the stargate. Stackhouse and Markham, who had been in the front of the jumper, were unreachable, demolecularised, and the back end of the ship was going nowhere.

 

They had less than 38 minutes to solve the problem before the stargate shut down – and they'd all die. And, just to add to the pressure, John was lying there, being eaten alive by a massive bug, with even less time than the rest of them.

 

All eyes turned to Rodney to save them, and he gazed back at them, panic-stricken.

 

"You have to find a way to close those engine pods manually," John told him, from his position on the floor, his face much paler than Rodney liked.

 

"Yes, close the engine pods manually," Rodney muttered, opening a panel in the side of the jumper.

 

They had managed to advise Atlantis of their predicament and he knew Radek was working on a simulation back there but even so – 38 minutes gave them so little time. He wanted to be by John's side, but he was the only one who could fix the mechanical problem so he listened with one ear as Ford and Teyla discussed his top's condition with Carson.

 

It didn't sound good. In fact it sounded as bad as their general prognosis; there were dozens of control pathways in the panel he'd opened, and he didn't have a clue which one would retract the engine pods.

 

Carson was telling Ford to pour water on the bug, and Elizabeth was telling him something that Radek had said to her, and his brain felt like it was about to explode.

 

He tried to concentrate on the circuitry, but next thing he knew a savage pain swept through him, sending him to his knees. At that exact same moment, he heard John scream in agony. Rodney knelt there, panting, as the pain subsided.

 

"What did you just do to him?" he asked accusingly when he got his breath back.

 

"Put salt on the bug," Ford replied. "Dr Beckett thinks the combination of that and the water we just poured on it caused it to react like that."

 

"Please don't do that again," John muttered weakly.

 

"Oh god, this is ridiculous!" Rodney said, his feelings of panic overwhelming him. "I can't do this. I can't concentrate on everything at the same time, and I can't save us when you keep prodding him and making him hurt so much."

 

"We have to get this thing off him or he'll die!" Ford snapped.

 

"I know that!" Rodney yelled back.

 

"Knock it off," John said quietly. Rodney glared at him. "There's plenty of time to solve this thing, but you've got to stop using your mouth and start using your brain, Rodney," John told him firmly, holding his gaze.

 

Rodney felt himself starting to calm down. John always knew how to handle him.

 

"Come over here," John ordered. Rodney went and knelt beside him, and John gazed at him intently. "You can do this," John told him. "You can save us, Rodney. You just need to concentrate and use that big brain of yours to get us out of this. I know you can do it." His eyes radiated complete faith in Rodney's abilities.

 

"I acknowledge the big brain thing," Rodney replied, causing John to give one of those wry grins of his. "But how the hell can I concentrate when I can feel that thing eating you alive?" he said, in a strangled tone, fighting down that sense of panic again. What the hell was happening to them? He'd felt John's emotions the other night but he'd never been able to experience John's physical sensations before. "I can feel that thing in your neck," he explained. "I felt it when Ford tried to shoot it off, and I felt that saltwater thing a minute ago."

 

"It is the link. The pre-lifebond," Teyla said. "It has grown stronger."

 

John gazed at Rodney steadily for a moment, and then nodded.

 

"Okay. You can't concentrate because you're feeling some of my pain. I hadn't realized that. I'm going to…I'm going to try and do something…."

 

John concentrated for a moment, and Rodney felt something snap inside, and then the pain he was feeling stopped, abruptly. It was replaced, almost immediately, by a sense of overwhelming loss. "What did you just do?" he asked, relieved not to be in pain any more but scared by how empty he felt. He bent over, clutching his belly, aching inside.

 

"He has closed down the link between you," Teyla told him.

 

"Why? Why did he do that? Will we get it back?" Rodney asked, his eyes wide and panic-stricken.

 

"Rodney – go to work and get us the hell out of here," John growled.

 

Rodney turned back just in time to see his top slide sideways, his eyes closed, his face twisted in a grimace of agony.

 

"John…oh shit…John?" Rodney slapped John's face lightly.

 

John opened his eyes, and gave him the faintest hint of a grin. "You work better under pressure anyway," he muttered, and then his eyes rolled back in his head.

 

"Oh god, he's lost consciousness!" Rodney panicked.

 

"That is because you were lending him your strength," Teyla said softly. "Now he has closed down the link, he is no longer able to fight the creature."

 

Rodney gazed at her, horrified. "Why did he do that?" he whispered, feeling as if he had just been broken in two. "Why did he shut down the link?"

 

"Because he trusts you," she told him calmly. "He trusts you to get us back safely. Now, return to your task, Dr McKay. Lieutenant Ford and I will take care of Colonel Sheppard."

 

She was right. And so was John. He *did* work better under pressure and there was nothing more motivating than knowing that they had less than twenty minutes to live if he didn't save them. Rodney took a deep breath and turned back to his work, his fingers spidering over the control pathways at top speed, trying to ignore the continued discussions between Ford, Teyla and Carson.

 

"Rodney." Teyla interrupted him a few minutes later, and he frowned, dimly aware that she didn't usually call him by his first name. "We think we might have found a way of saving Colonel Sheppard," she told him.

 

He nodded, eagerly, still working, and she continued. "We think we can use the defibrillators to stop his heart for long enough to trick the creature into thinking he is dead."

 

He frowned trying to take that on board *and* figure out how to get the engine pods retracted at the same time.

 

"Okay…okay…sounds good…wait a minute – you're going to kill him?" Rodney stopped what he was doing, and turned to glare at her.

 

"Just for a few moments," she told him swiftly.

 

"No…no…no." Rodney crouched down, clutching his midriff again. "You're going to kill him?" He crawled over to where John was lying, pale and lifeless, at the other end of the puddle jumper.

 

"It's the only way we can think of saving him," Ford told him. Rodney just sat there, gazing at his lover's prone form. The bug attached to his neck swelled a little, its wings twitching, and made a chittering sound. Rodney shuddered.

 

"Dr McKay?" Teyla said, and he realized they were waiting for some response from him. He gazed at them blankly.

 

"Uh, we need your permission, doc," Ford said. Rodney frowned, not understanding.

 

"Dr McKay – the colonel is unconscious so he is unable to give his permission for us to do this," Teyla said softly. "You are his next of kin."

 

"I am?" Rodney asked, bemused.

 

"It's his collar around your neck, McKay," Ford pointed out.

 

Rodney gazed from one to the other, his heart beating fast as he realized what they were asking. "You want my permission to kill him?" he said slowly.

 

"In order to save his life," Teyla reminded him.

 

"Supposing we can't get his heart beating again afterwards?" Rodney demanded.

 

"Then we'll send him through the event horizon," Ford replied. "He'll be in stasis there until you get us all back to Atlantis."

 

"If we cannot re-start his heart then I will take him through," Teyla said. "Leaving you and Lieutenant Ford to resolve our problem here. Do we have your permission, Rodney?"

 

Rodney gazed at his top's unconscious form, wishing John was awake to make this decision himself but his lover's eyes remained resolutely closed. This was his responsibility – John was his responsibility. Rodney knew it wasn't really a choice at all, but he had no idea how he'd live with himself if it didn't work, and John stayed dead.

 

"Okay," he said at last. He pressed a kiss to John's dark hair, and then got up and returned to the circuitry he'd been working on. "Do it," he ordered, staring straight ahead, trying not to think about anything else except getting them home.

 

He worked so fast that his fingers were a blur of action as he tried frantically to locate the control pathway he needed. Behind him, he heard them put the defibrillators on John's chest. He saw John's body jackknife, out of the corner of his eye, and he tried to remain focused, shutting out everything else but the problem at hand, trying not to think about the fact that the man he loved was dying just behind him.

 

He hated the way he felt so empty – he hadn't paid the link between them all that much attention until recently. It just was, and it felt kind of nice, but now that it was gone, he felt an acute, gut-wrenching sense of loss.

 

He didn't feel it when John died, and that hurt almost as much as the fear that they wouldn't be able to revive him. He heard Teyla and Ford struggle to pull the creature away from John's neck, then their frantic shooting as they killed it. Then, finally, Ford placed the defibrillators on John's chest again. Rodney struggled to breathe.

 

"It's not working," Ford said, as he activated the defibrillators a second time.

 

"Then we must take him through the event horizon." Teyla's voice, hard and urgent.

 

Rodney stopped what he was doing for a second, to help them pass his top's lifeless body through the wormhole, and then John was gone.

 

"Keep working, doc," Ford warned him grimly.

 

"I am." Rodney turned back to what he was doing. If he didn't get this right then they'd all be dead in less than five minutes. He worked faster than ever, making minute calculations based on the results of his handiwork, each wrong connection giving him a clue as to where to look for the right one. And then, suddenly, he found the right control pathway - the engine pods retracted, and the jumper was free.

 

"Done it!" Rodney proclaimed triumphantly.

 

"Then why aren't we moving?" Ford demanded.

 

"Inertia," Rodney told him, trying to think the problem through in the fifty seconds they had left. "We need to blow the hatch. That'll give us enough forward thrust to get us through the wormhole."

 

They both gazed at the mechanism for blowing the hatch. Whoever pulled the lever stood a very real risk of being sucked out into space once it was blown.

 

"I'll do it," Ford said grimly.

 

They locked gazes for half a second, a grudging appreciation for each other showing in their eyes. Then Rodney nodded, and threw himself through the event horizon, crossing his fingers as he went, and hoping for the best. He'd done his bit and he couldn't do any more. It was all down to Ford now.

 

~*~

 

 

"John?"

 

John blinked.

 

"John. You have to go back."

 

He wasn't sure who was speaking but he had no intention of going anywhere. It was very still here, very calm and peaceful. He could feel a huge reservoir of pain waiting for him, just beyond the periphery of his vision, and he didn't want to go back to that. He wanted to stay here.

 

"You can't," the voice told him firmly. He tried to focus on it. It was familiar but it had been so long since he'd heard it that he doubted it for a second.

 

"Dad?" he whispered. Gil leaned over him. John frowned. His father looked the same as he remembered – short blond hair, military cut, deep blue eyes. But…Gil was only a few years older than him, more his contemporary than his father, and that felt strange.

 

"It's good to see you, son but you can't stay here."

 

"Is Adam here?" John tried to turn his head but he didn't seem to have a head any more. He was just floating. It felt good.

 

"Here." His other father suddenly appeared, hazel eyes laughing, the way they always used to. John gazed at them happily. He felt like he was seven years old again, safe with his fathers.

 

"Yeah. That's a load of crap," Gil told him. "You don't belong here. You need to go back home."

 

Home? John remembered any number of faceless digs, military quarters and other places he'd called home over the years but none of them had been places he ever felt he belonged. This place did. He could belong here.

 

"I don't want to go. I want to stay here, with you," he told them.

 

Adam grinned. "We love you too, kid," he said. "That's why we're gonna kick your ass out of here."

 

"Why? I did well. I made colonel. I remembered everything you taught me," John told them. "I never left a man behind."

 

"You kind of did," Adam said.

 

"When?" John frowned.

 

"Right now," Gil replied.

 

"We like him. He's good for you," Adam said, with a mischievous smile. "He keeps you on your toes. It was about time you found someone - Gil was despairing of you."

 

Rodney.

 

Memories hurtled back, all jumbled up, but at their centre was Rodney, jaw thrust out obstinately, mouth settled in a crooked line, gazing at him with those vivid blue eyes.

 

Suddenly this soothing, seductive sense of peace wasn't so appealing. Gil was right – he didn't belong here. He didn't care how much pain awaited him - he didn't want to be here. He didn't want to be anywhere Rodney wasn't.

 

He thought he saw Gil smile, but there was no time to say goodbye – next thing he knew he was tumbling so fast it was like he was in freefall. Then all around him he could hear noise, people moving fast, and someone was holding his hand so tight it hurt.

 

He was lying on his back on a hard surface, and his shirt was open. He tried to reach out to pull it closed, felt cool metal on his chest and a pain that ripped through his entire body, making him jack-knife a few feet into the air.

 

Damnit he ached. His neck was sore, and his chest hurt, and his hand was being held in a vice-like grip.

 

"He's breathing…" Carson's voice. "Stay with us, John. Fight man, damnit!"

 

John struggled to breathe. Everything hurt so much…and where the hell was Rodney? He sought desperately for the link that he remembered – the one connecting him and his sub, the one that would bring him back to himself - but it was gone.

 

He'd done something to it…what had he done? Oh god…he remembered now…he remembered cutting himself off from the warm, pulsing energy that flowed between him and his submissive, remembered that severing it had hurt so much, leaving him with a terrible, aching sense of loss. And now the link was gone.

 

He searched around frantically for it, looking for just a thread that would lead him back to Rodney, but he couldn't see anything. Surely it wasn’t lost forever? Surely he could find it again?

 

His fingertips scratched around blindly in the inky blackness, desperately searching, but it was so dark, and he felt so cold and empty. He wrapped his arms around himself, and howled, silently. Without the link there was no way home.

 

He was lost.

 

---

 

Part Nineteen: Home

 

 

"Rodney." Carson gently pried Rodney's hand from where it was tightly gripped around John's. "Come on, laddie. We need to talk to you," he said softly.

 

"I should stay with him," Rodney replied, numbly.

 

He stood there, beside the infirmary bed, gazing at John's still, pale body, attached to dozens of monitors.

 

"He's in a coma, Rodney – and I need to speak to you. I need to find out what happened. That's the only way we can help him," Carson insisted, gently but firmly.

 

Rodney nodded – if it would help John then he'd do it. That was the only thing that would convince him to leave his lover right now.

 

Carson led him into his office and closed the door behind him.

 

"I hope you don't mind but I asked Teyla to sit in on this," Carson said. "She's got an understanding of the lifebond that might help us shed some light on what's happened to John."

 

"The lifebond? We're not lifebonded." Rodney frowned.

 

"I think that might be part of the problem," Teyla explained, sitting forward in her chair. "You had a natural and powerful link, Rodney, and John was forced to sever that in order to allow you to concentrate on getting us home."

 

"We think that when he severed the link he caused himself a devastating trauma, Rodney," Carson said softly. "There's no medical reason why he isn't waking up. His heart is fine, and there's no brain damage as far as we can see."

 

"This sounds like so much mumbo jumbo to me, Carson!" Rodney snapped. "Isn't there some medicine or something that you can give him to cure it?"

 

"No, Rodney." Carson shook his head regretfully. "It's like he's lost somewhere inside his own mind. There's no medicine that will heal that."

 

Rodney shook his head, frustrated by all this. He was a scientist – he understood facts and figures, had an innate grasp of the theories of physics, and the immutable laws of nature, but not all this talk of lifebonds and people getting lost inside their own minds. That made no sense to him whatsoever.

 

"If you had been lifebonded this would not have happened," Teyla told him softly.

 

"He hates the idea of lifebonding," Rodney snapped. "His parents…." He hesitated, because that information was private, and he didn't think John would like him sharing it.

 

"He lost one and the other died as a result of the bond. I guessed that," Teyla said. "If you had been lifebonded he would have had greater control over the bond between you and might have been able to prevent you feeling so much of his pain. He certainly would not have been able to sever a full lifebond the way he did the link. It is our belief that a lifebond cannot be severed. When one half of a bonded pair dies, the lifebond is not severed even then – the bond takes the other with him into death," Teyla said earnestly.

 

"Which is what happened to John's parents. Yes. I know," Rodney said impatiently. "But how the hell is this going to help us get John back?"

 

"If you can re-establish the link, Rodney…" Carson began.

 

"How? I have no idea how it got created in the first place!" Rodney protested. "It just happened."

 

They stared at each other glumly. Finally, Carson shook his head.

 

"Then we'll treat him like any other coma patient. Keep him comfortable, and talk to him. Try to get through to him that way."

 

Rodney turned immediately, wrenched open the door, and strode back out to John's bed.

 

"There is absolutely no point wasting any more time talking to the so-called medical profession," he muttered to himself. "And you," he said, reaching John's bed. "Are a malingerer. Apparently there's absolutely nothing wrong with you."

 

He sat down beside the bed, and took hold of John's hand again. It was freezing cold.

 

"Clearly you just want to get out of polishing your boots, or taking your P-90 apart, or whatever stupid military things you spend your time doing when you're not pestering me in the lab, or getting shot at by the Wraith," he grumbled.

 

John remained unmoving. His face had a greyish hue which didn't look at all natural. Rodney squeezed his hand hard.

 

"Oh for god's sake wake up," he snapped.

 

John's eyelids didn't so much as flicker. Rodney gazed at him blindly, through glassy eyes. He tried to concentrate, searching for some trace of the link they'd once shared. He had so often felt it, just pulsing warmly in the background, quietly connecting them. It had been there even when he'd just been going about his everyday life, barely aware of it. Sometimes he had caught little glimpses of it when he closed his eyes, or drifted off for a moment, and it had been impossible not to be aware of it when they had sex. Then it had cascaded into glorious life, and bathed them both in its sweet glow as their intimacy strengthened and nurtured it. But now all he felt was a raw numbness, like the pain of an amputated limb, and, just beyond that, an inky darkness that was so cold it made him shiver in the warm room. How the hell was he supposed to mend something this badly broken? He didn't know.

 

Rodney spent the next twelve hours solid by John's side, to no avail. He watched the nurses take endless readings, watched Carson change the dressing and examine the wound on his lover's neck. Watched John lying there, unmoving, dog tags resting on grey, lifeless skin.

 

"I do have work to do you know," he told his top. "There are experiments in the lab that Radek is probably ruining as we speak. Or at least I'm speaking. You're just wasting everyone's time by taking an extended nap."

 

"Rodney – you should go back to your quarters. Get some rest," Carson said, appearing in the doorway.

 

"I'm not leaving."

 

"If there's any change I'll tell you," Carson insisted.

 

"I said, I'm not leaving."

 

"Aye, you are, laddie," Carson replied. "You're worn out, Rodney and you can't spend every minute here speaking to him. Comas are unpredictable things, Rodney. He could be out for a day, or a week, or a month…or longer. He might never…." Carson bit on his lip. Rodney glared at him. "What I'm saying is that you have to get some food and sleep. You can't spend the rest of your life at his bedside."

 

"Fine." Rodney got up, all his muscles protesting the sudden movement. He hadn't realised just how tired he was. Carson had a point. It wasn't as if he was doing any good here anyway.

 

Rodney walked wearily back to his quarters and threw himself down on the bed without even turning on the light. He was so tired, but when he closed his eyes all he could see was John's pale face, lying on that infirmary pillow.

 

He tried to sleep but it was useless. How could he sleep without John's warmth beside him, and his reassuring weight next to him? How could he sleep without feeling John's breath on the back of his neck, and John's arm slung around his waist? How could he sleep knowing he might never again feel John's fingers on his body, making love to him so erotically, and John's magnificent hard cock moving inside his ass? How could he sleep knowing John was lying, cold and lifeless as a corpse, in the infirmary just down the hallway? How could he sleep knowing that the warm, pulsing connection between them had been severed, leaving him feeling cold and empty inside?

 

He got up and left his quarters without thinking twice about it. He didn't want to be here. He found himself walking along the hallway to John's quarters.

 

He let himself in and turned on the light. John's leather jacket was slung over the back of a chair. Rodney picked it up and wrapped his arms around it, holding it close. It felt stiff and cold without John's body warming it. He caught sight of that stupid damn book, War and Peace, sitting on the nightstand. Rodney went over to it and opened it at the bookmarked page, then snorted. "Still on page seventeen I see," he muttered.

 

He threw the book down, and then threw himself down on the bed, still clutching the jacket. He buried his face in John's pillow, inhaling his scent, and then burrowed under the sheets, fully dressed, trying to get warm. He still felt that coldness inside, that iciness he'd felt ever since he’d tried to concentrate on finding the link, back in the infirmary.

 

"Damn it, I already told you I love you," he said, to the empty room. "Wasn't that enough for you? You didn't have to go and die to *prove* anything."

 

He was shivering now. It was so damn cold. He wrapped the blankets around himself, his teeth chattering. He should be warming up by now. Maybe there was something wrong with the temperature control?

 

He got up and went to inspect the thermostatic controls on the door panel but everything looked fine. "Then why the hell am I freezing my ass off?" he asked out loud, and it was then that the realisation hit him. "I'm not," he said. "*He* is, isn't he? And if I can sense that, then the link must still be there, somewhere. If so, there’s still a chance I can reach him...."

 

He ran back to the infirmary, and crashed into John's room. His top was lying there, looking exactly the same as he had when Rodney had left him. Carson came running out to see what was happening.

 

"Go away," Rodney told him.

 

"Rodney – what the hell are you...?"

 

"I said go away," Rodney replied, bundling Carson out of the door. "I'm not going to hurt him. I just want to be alone with him. Go!" Carson looked befuddled, but he nodded, and did as Rodney said.

 

When he'd gone, Rodney took a deep breath and surveyed John again. He remembered that the link between them had always grown stronger with physical contact. Holding hands wasn't enough though. Naked. He needed to be naked. He took off his clothes, and slid under the infirmary sheets. Then he stripped John of his infirmary gown, trying not to dislodge any of the wires from the various machines that were attached to him. When he was done, he wrapped his arms around his top, and held him close.

 

John felt as cold as he did but it felt good to be beside him again, skin or skin. Rodney wasn't entirely sure what to do next. He closed his eyes, and tried to focus on where the cold was coming from. "Damn it, I'm the world's worst person to go tracking down someone lost inside their own mind," he complained to nobody in particular. "Being lost in my own mind is my default state."

 

He traced his fingers over John's icy skin as he lay there, hoping to warm him with his own body heat. That might help. He really had no idea. He was, quite literally, in the dark on this one.

 

He tried to concentrate, tried to find the link between them…. Something pulsed, brokenly, and his heart gave a little flip. He reached out towards it - it was damaged but there was definitely something still there…. He just needed to nurture it, to feed it with his own strength and energy, and encourage it to grow again.

 

He was tired, and now that he was nestled close to John he thought he might finally be able to get some sleep. In fact, he decided, if John pulled through this then there was no way they were spending a night apart again unless it was completely unavoidable. Never, ever again. John was his and he was John's. He had to stop trying to have his cake and eat it and accept that. It was too late for doubts or second thoughts. He was already crazy in love and there was no going back.

 

The link pulsed again, faint, forlorn and erratic, nothing like the usual sweet, easy flow of energy he'd felt in the past. Rodney let his mind wander along it. Beyond the pulse was an icy darkness so bleak and cold that every instinct in his body told him not to go there, to turn back, but he couldn’t do that. John was lost somewhere inside that frozen place, and he had to find him.

 

He felt as if he was walking along a dark tunnel – and then it came to an abrupt end. Beyond it the darkness was impenetrable, and there was no way to breach the gap. He could only wait here, at the end of his side of the tunnel, radiating warmth and reassurance, and hope that John would find his way to him, making the link whole again.

 

"Come back to me," he whispered to the cold, still form lying beside him. "Come home."

 

~*~

 

 

John whimpered. He was crouched down, his arms around his body, rocking back and forth, trying to keep warm. It was hard to concentrate, because he was so cold, but he was sure he’d heard something. Or maybe he’d felt something. He wasn’t sure. It was hard to tell the difference in here.

 

Cautiously, he looked up. Was it his imagination or had the darkness lightened a little? It didn't seem so inky black as before. Yes, there was something *there*, shimmering a little in the distance. Something warm and inviting.

 

John struggled to get to his feet. God he ached. And his body was so cold and numb that he had to force it to unfurl and obey his commands. When he looked up again the shimmering had gone, and he could have wept with frustration. He forced himself to concentrate, and there it was again, faint and fragile. He took a tentative step towards it, and then another.

 

As he walked he felt his fingertips tingle, and he realised they were growing warm. He tried to walk faster, but it was still so cold, and he was so tired. The shimmering didn’t fade as long as he really concentrated on it. If he allowed himself to let go, even for a second, then it disappeared, and there was only darkness again. It was hard, and it took all his energy and focus. He crept along, feeling his way, guided by that light in the distance. It was brighter now, he was sure of it.

 

The warmth in his fingers crept up his arms and along his chest, and all the time that shimmering light seemed to get a little closer. He felt like he was trapped at the end of a tunnel, and the light was the only thing he could see in the darkness. It was a long journey, and he was trembling with tiredness, but he walked doggedly on, never once swerving from his path towards that light, shining in the distance.

 

It was brighter now, and he tried to call out, to draw its attention towards him. It glowed brighter in response, pulsing, warm and sweet, calling back to him. He redoubled his efforts, running now, throwing himself towards the light.

 

The heat in his body seemed to spread as he got closer to the light. First his fingers, then his arms, and torso. Then it spread down thought his groin and into his legs, all the way down to his toes. And he could feel it creeping up too, up his neck towards his ears, and then enveloping his face. The light was so bright now that he could feel it, bathing him in its heat, welcoming and warming him.

 

Then there was a whooshing sound and the warmth was everywhere, coalescing with the bright light, which was so close now it was blinding him, and then everything exploded. Starbursts erupted around him, white and beautiful, and he had the overwhelming sensation that he was safe. He was so tired that he barely noticed he was warm again, before falling into a deep, restful sleep.

 

 

"No you can't," someone was saying when he woke up. "I don't care – I'm not moving. Go away. I'm telling you I can feel him again, somewhere in there, so I am not moving just so you can measure the circumference of his head or whatever useless pseudo-medical nonsense it is you want to do to him."

 

There was a muttered reply, just out of earshot. John ignored it. He honed in instead on the faintly irascible sound that was like music to his ears.

 

"See the trouble you're causing, you lazy oaf?" He felt a finger poking into his side. "I know you're in there so you can stop lounging around and get your ass moving again. I'm not spending my whole life lying around in here – naked I might add – fending off idiotic nurses who want to take your pulse every five minutes. I felt it you know – a few hours ago. That…I don’t know…all those lights and fireworks going off. I can feel you now. I can’t believe you’re *still* not waking up for god’s sake!”

 

With a great effort of will, John forced his eyelids open. He lay there for a moment, blinking. His body ached, and his neck was sore, but he felt warm and content. He realised that was because he was lying half on top of his sub, their bodies pressed closely together. Rodney was sitting up, slurping hot coffee from a mug, and John realised that he was using Rodney's body as a pillow, his back pressed against Rodney's chest, Rodney's arm slung around him to keep him there. It was, in typical Rodney fashion, kind of awkward and yet comfortable at one and the same time.

 

"I don't have to wear this collar you know," Rodney was saying to him, stroking his arm absently and affectionately with his fingertips. "If you're not interested there are plenty of other tops around who are."

 

"If they lay one finger on you…" John began, the words out of his mouth before he even realised that he was fully awake. Rodney's mug of coffee clattered to the floor.

 

"John?" His face was being held between two big hands, and two bright blue eyes were gazing at him – or maybe glaring at him. John wasn't entirely sure.

 

"Who are these other tops?" John said, clearing his throat. "I’m gonna kick their asses."

 

"Right now you couldn't kick your way out from under this sheet," Rodney said, a wide grin twisting his crooked lips.

 

"What happened?" John croaked, his fingers going cautiously to his neck just to check that damn bug wasn't still there.

 

"I saved the day – obviously – and got us home. You then proceeded to sulk inside your head for three days while I had to endure Teyla and Carson warbling on about how you were in a coma because of this lifebond-not-lifebond situation we have going on. Oh, and while we're on that subject – you and I have a new rule."

 

"We do?" John glanced up at his sub.

 

"Yes. We do. What? You thought you were the only one who could make the rules? Hah."

 

"And this new rule would be?" John prompted, snuggling a little closer to Rodney and wondering, absently, how long it would be before they could have sex.

 

"You do not ever, ever, ever…and I mean *ever*, try to sever this link thing we've got, ever again. Even if you're dying, or some other hideous Pegasus galaxy type drama is going on in our lives."

 

John remembered a terrifying dark coldness, and he shivered. "I think that's a rule I can agree to," he said, as Rodney took hold of him, wrapped his big arms around him, and pulled him even closer in response to his shivering.

 

John was too exhausted to move and he just lay there, loving the scent of Rodney's skin, and the feel of Rodney's body against his own.

 

"I don't understand though. I thought I severed the link," John murmured wearily.

 

"You did. I restored it," Rodney told him, a hint of smugness in his voice.

 

John frowned, and tried to concentrate. He couldn't feel the link between them but there was a fragile warmth there, hovering just out of reach, that made him think that Rodney was right. Maybe he'd feel it pulsing again when they had sex.

 

"You're thinking about sex aren't you?" Rodney said, kissing his hair noisily.

 

"Mmm. Did you get that through the link?" John asked.

 

"Nope. I got that from knowing you all too well," Rodney snorted. "Don't let Carson know you're thinking about sex. He'll probably say you're not allowed to even contemplate it for weeks and weeks. Maybe even months. Years."

 

"Yeah, but he knows I won't take any notice of that, right?" John grinned up at Rodney. He was far too weak for any kind of physical activity right now, but he still really liked thinking about it. Especially as Rodney was so completely naked.

 

"Yeah. He knows."

 

Rodney leaned down and kissed John on the lips. It felt so sweet, so good. John just lay there, allowing Rodney to kiss him, and he felt the vitality returning to him as every second passed.

 

"We should probably tell him you're awake," Rodney murmured between kisses.

 

"Not just yet. I'm sure he'll want to perform dozens of his tests once he knows, and I don't want to do anything but lie here with you right now." John felt completely relaxed, lying in Rodney's arms. It felt so good to be warm again. "How were you able to restore the link if I severed it?" John asked, frowning.

 

"Apparently you just shut down your end and the trauma of that sent you off somewhere within your own mind. My end was still there," Rodney said. "I think of it like connecting two pieces of wiring. Mine was still pulsing – I just had to find yours and get the two back together again so my pulse could start yours and mend the gap. Teyla probably has reams of mumbo jumbo to explain it but my explanation is easier to understand."

 

"As always," John agreed, because one thing Rodney was really good at was technical explanations. And truly spectacular blow jobs. And many other things besides. “Although I do seem to remember doing some of the work myself. Not that it’s like you to take all the credit or anything….” He definitely remembered staggering towards a bright light. He was pretty sure they’d both helped restore the link and it hadn’t *all* been Rodney’s doing.

 

“I’m sure you helped in some minor way,” Rodney said patronisingly.

 

John grinned to himself. It was so good to be back.

 

“Teyla did say that if we'd been lifebonded none of this would have happened because you wouldn't have been able to sever the link. She also said that lifebonding would give us more control over the link," Rodney said. John stiffened. "I know, I know. I told her you're not a great fan of lifebonding, and I have to say I've never been very enthusiastic myself, but, one day, I might have to insist," Rodney murmured, kissing John's hair again.

 

"I thought you were a commitment-phobe?" John raised an eyebrow.

 

"Yes, well, there's only so many times you can watch someone you love die. Once is more than enough, thank you very much. You are not, under any circumstances, to die again."

 

Rodney prodded his arm forcefully, making John wince.

 

"I'll try my best, but I'm a soldier, Rodney," John said softly. "And if there's any dying to be done we're usually first in line. If you and I were lifebonded, and I died, the city would lose both of us – and your brain is too valuable to waste."

 

"Well, agreed, it would be an enormous loss to the universe. However, did you ever stop to think that being lifebonded might actually *save* our lives? We could heal each other and share any injuries."

 

"True," John said slowly.

 

He still had very ambivalent feelings about lifebonding. He had spent the past eighteen or so years resenting it bitterly, and the previous few months starting to understand the appeal, but it was hard to let go of almost a lifetime's prejudice so quickly. He didn't feel like he wanted to be having this conversation right now so he threw what he knew would be a highly effective spanner into the works.

 

"Suppose we had kids though? I don't think it's fair on the kids of a lifebonded couple."

 

The spluttering took up most of the next minute. "Do I look," Rodney blustered at last, "like someone who would be good with kids?"

 

"I think you'd make a great dad," John said, smiling up at him cheerfully, and that ended any further conversations about lifebonding - for the time being at least. John was under no illusions that this subject wouldn't arise again, because regardless of what he wanted, or even what Rodney wanted, the universe clearly had different ideas on the subject.

 

"On the subject of fathers…" John smiled. "You were wrong. They do like you."

 

"What?" Rodney frowned, blue eyes bemused, but John didn't have time to explain because at that moment Carson stuck his head around the door, and, seeing John was conscious, called every nurse in the infirmary to come check on him. Rodney was dispatched out of his bed and then, as John had predicted, he was subjected to every known medical procedure under the sun.

 

 

John made a swift recovery, and within a couple of days he was clamouring to be allowed to return to his quarters. Partly he was bored, but he was also hungry to be alone with Rodney, and make love to his sub.

 

Despite the fact that Rodney had assured him that the link between the two of them was working again, John wanted to feel it. He was scared that he’d somehow damaged it irrevocably, and that it might not be as strong as it had been before.

 

He missed that warm, pulsing energy and the sense of being connected to Rodney. If he concentrated, really hard, he thought he could feel it, but he knew that he needed to make love to Rodney, to be *inside* Rodney, to stand any chance of returning it to its full strength. It had always been stronger when they were physically close, and strongest of all when they were making love.

 

Carson was being difficult though. John tried every trick in the book, from charming the doctor to pulling rank on him, but Carson seemed to be prepared for each and every one of them.

 

"I'm the doctor, you're the patient, and I say you're not ready yet," Carson told him, smiling at him sweetly as he filled in John's chart. "Now, I don't argue with you when you take me offworld do I? You're in charge there. I'm in charge here."

 

"I'm fine though," John growled, pacing around the small area around his bed like a caged tiger.

 

"Aye, well, I'll be the judge of that. And you should be getting back to bed now, laddie, before you wear out the flooring over there."

 

"Rodney?" John glanced at his sub, who was sitting in a chair to one side, legs up on the bed, typing vigorously into his laptop.

 

"Hmm?" Rodney glanced up, and then shook his head. "Oh no. No, no, no. I'm not getting involved. Carson always wins and he's like an elephant – he *never* forgets. So next time I end up in here he'll make me suffer for taking your side in oh so many nasty little ways."

 

"I'm really not that vindictive, Rodney," Carson said, in a wounded voice. Rodney gave him a sceptical look, and Carson was unable to suppress his grin.

 

"There – see. It's true!" Rodney said, pointing.

 

John sighed and sat back down on the bed. "How much longer?" he demanded.

 

"We'll see," Carson said. "If you were a normal person I'd release you now – but I know that the minute I *do* release you, you'll ignore all my advice about taking it easy and run off and do something stupid, or heroic, or both, and then I'll have to mend you all over again."

 

"Oh excuse me – I mended him this time!" Rodney pointed out.

 

"You did a fine job once he was breathing again, laddie," Carson said, smiling at him patronisingly. "But let's not forget who got his heart started. Now, Rodney – visiting hours are long since over, not that you ever take any notice of them. You should be on your way. The colonel needs rest and you're not a restful person."

 

John grinned at Rodney's outraged look, and grabbed his sub for a forceful goodnight kiss before sending him on his way with a slap to his ass.

 

He watched that ass disappear out of the door, gazing at it wistfully as it went. Damnit but he was missing that ass. He was desperate to get his hands on it again, and really play with it.

 

"Down boy," Carson said, rolling his eyes. "That's another reason why I'm keeping you here. You'll jump his bones the minute I let you out, and you're not quite ready for that yet, John."

 

"I feel ready," John complained, but Carson just grinned, and shook his head.

 

"Tomorrow," he said.

 

"Really?" John looked up eagerly.

 

Carson nodded. "I want to run some final tests on you tomorrow morning but if they're okay, I'll release you around lunchtime," he said.

 

 

John fully expected Rodney to show up at the infirmary for his release, but by the time Carson finally handed over his uniform and gave him permission to leave there was no sign of his sub.

 

"He probably got engrossed in something in the lab and forgot the time. You know what he's like," Carson said sympathetically as John tied up his bootlaces.

 

"Yeah. I know." John shrugged. It wasn't important. He'd track Rodney down somewhere in the city. He shook Carson's hand, and then pulled him into a big bear hug. "Sorry for, you know, being a crappy patient," he said.

 

"Och, I'm used to it. Between you and your wayward sub I'm surprised my hair hasn't turned white," Carson replied, grinning at him. "Off you go, John, and remember to take it easy…oh what am I saying? I'm just wasting my breath."

 

John laughed out loud and slapped Carson's arm. "I'll be fine, doc."

 

He walked back to his quarters, taking with him the little bunch of cards and gifts from wellwishers that he'd accumulated in the infirmary. He'd drop them off first and then go track Rodney down. He opened the door to his quarters, stepped inside, and then stopped short.

 

He backed out of the door just to check these were his quarters, and he hadn't somehow come to the wrong room, but no. He stepped back inside. The room was completely empty. There was nothing here – no book on the nightstand, no Johnny Cash poster on the wall, no clothes in his closet. There was a note though, in Rodney's untidy scrawl, lying on the bed.

 

"Come home. R."

 

"Idiot," John grinned.

 

He threw the cards and gifts down on the bed, grabbed the note and stuffed it into his pocket, and then he ran out of the door and down the hallway towards Rodney's room.

 

Trust Rodney. Only he could be so stubborn as to move in with John by making John move in with him.

 

Home. The note had said ‘home’. John hadn't felt any place was home in nearly two decades but he did now. He skidded to a halt outside Rodney's quarters, then reached out and put his hand on the lock. In all the time they'd been together, Rodney had never re-programmed the door to allow John automatic entry. Which wasn't to say that John couldn't gain access if he wanted to – Atlantis opened all her doors to him upon demand – but Rodney had never made it easy for him.

 

This time the door opened smoothly, and he stepped inside. Rodney turned around from where he was shoving some underwear into a drawer, and straightened up, looking slightly panicked.

 

John paused, and gazed around the room. It was tidier than usual – although he was guessing it wouldn't stay that way.

 

His Johnny Cash poster was on one wall, opposite Rodney's many framed diplomas and degree certificates. His copy of War and Peace was on one nightstand, along with the framed photograph of his parents. On the other nightstand was a framed picture of Rodney's cat, an open laptop showing a bewildering table of calculations, and, more promisingly, a tube of lubricant.

 

"Welcome home," Rodney said quietly. John just stared. "Um…I hope this is okay? I mean, I could have moved into your quarters but frankly they aren't as nice as these and besides I'm kind of attached to this room. Also, you have less stuff than me, or maybe it just looks that way because you keep it all in drawers. I don't know. Anyway, I've put all your stuff away in the closet. You'll probably want to re-arrange it all because you're anally retentive that way. It must be something to do with how the military mind works. I have no idea why I'm even with you. I swore I'd never get involved with anyone from the military ever again but you wore me down with your sneaky charm and obsession with romantic dates on beaches and…."

 

"Rodney…where are my toys?" John said, interrupting him.

 

"Uh…well, they're under the bed. You want me to get them out?"

 

"Nope. I just wanted to know where my gag was because I might need to use it sometime soon," John replied.

 

"Oh. I see. I'm talking too much. I do that when I'm nervous. You know that. But you haven't said anything yet, and I have no idea if you're pissed with me or not, and…."

 

John decided to shut him up without resorting to the gag by the simple expedient of striding across the room, grabbing hold of him, pulling him close, and kissing him hard on the mouth.

 

Rodney melted against him, his hands going around John's waist. John kissed him hungrily, his tongue exploring Rodney’s mouth, his hands wandering down to Rodney’s ass and cupping it.

 

It felt like a lifetime since he’d last been able to do this, and he devoured Rodney as if he was a feast, needing to taste him. Rodney’s lips were as soft and willing as ever, and John kissed him several times, unable to let go. It was like that first time, back on the beach, when they’d kissed each other for most of the day. It felt that intense - and that necessary.

 

When at last he released his sub Rodney’s eyes were heavy-lidded, and glazed. John slid his thumb gently over Rodney’s lips, and Rodney sucked it into his mouth. It was such a small gesture, but so intensely sexual that John instantly needed more.

 

He moved his hands down to Rodney’s body urgently, and slid his fingertips under Rodney's shirt, feeling the enticing, intoxicating warmth radiating off Rodney's skin. The heat was also rising inside his own body, combined with a desperate need to get as close to his sub as possible, and he pushed Rodney's shirt up and trailed his mouth over Rodney's chest. He sucked on a nipple, and then worked on its twin, loving the sounds Rodney was making as he teased the sensitive nubs of flesh into points.

 

John drew back but only so that he could take hold of Rodney's hand, and draw him over towards the bed. He lay down and pulled Rodney on top of him. His sub came eagerly, sinking down onto him, and kissing him vigorously. John slid his hands down the back of Rodney's pants, and squeezed his buttocks. Damn but this felt good – he always loved the way Rodney's ass felt in his hands. He kissed Rodney again, just as hard and hungry, and then rolled his sub over onto his back. He straddled him, grabbed Rodney's arms, and pinned them above his head, looking down into his sub's wide blue eyes.

 

"I'm going to make you mine again," he whispered.

 

"Well, uh, regardless of the whole regrettable link-severing debacle, I should point out that I never stopped being yours," Rodney replied.

 

John's eyes flickered over the white gold collar that Rodney wore around his throat; the collar that bore *his* name. His cock throbbed in response.

 

"You need to know it and I need to feel it – every time we make love I'm making you mine again," John said, leaning in to nuzzle Rodney's jawline.

 

He felt the dominance surge through his veins. Beneath him was a man he loved more than he loved his own life. Beneath him was a willing sub who loved surrendering to him just as much as he loved accepting that surrender. They were like a key and a lock – they fitted together perfectly.

 

“I’m going to undress you,” John said, feeling the urgency again. He was desperate to feel their naked bodies pressing together, and he longed to feel the link between them pulsing again.

 

He fumbled to undo Rodney’s shirt, with shaking fingers. His sub lay there, watching him, and John wanted to do a dozen things at once. He wanted to be undressing Rodney, and kissing him, and entering him at one and the same time, and his fingers were too slow, frustrating him.

 

“Here.” Rodney brushed his fumbling fingers away and quickly undid his shirt, and then he sat up and pulled it off to reveal his broad, pale chest. John moved to one side, and slid a hand over Rodney's shoulder blades, then planted a kiss on the back of his sub's neck.

 

"Now your pants,” he said, shaking slightly from raw emotion. It had been days since they’d made love, and so much had happened in the meantime. He’d died and been brought back to life again, but he needed to be grounded in the reality of Rodney’s body before he felt really *alive*.

 

Rodney quickly unfastened his pants, and he pushed them and his boxers down and shucked them off. His boots and socks followed suit, leaving him naked. John reached for him as soon as he was done, wrapping one hand around Rodney's beautiful, smooth, curving cock.

 

It felt so good to have Rodney’s cock in his hand again, to be able to caress it, and make love to it. It was ramrod hard and John trailed his fingers delicately up and down it, making Rodney sigh.

 

John gazed at him, drinking in the sight of his aroused sub. He loved the way Rodney looked, his head flung back, his eyes closed, sweat beading his hairline John had a sudden flashback to the moment when he’d severed the link between them, and he felt as if he’d been slugged in the gut. He knew *why* he’d done it, but it felt almost as bad as if he’d rescinded Rodney’s collar – worse maybe. He made a guttural, whimpering sound in the back of his throat, and Rodney’s eyelids flashed open, his blue eyes dark with concern.

 

“It’s okay,” Rodney murmured, pulling John close and kissing him again. John wrapped his arms around his lover, and buried his face in Rodney’s neck.

 

“I’ll never rescind your collar,” John babbled, knowing he wasn’t making much sense. Rodney didn’t tease him for that comment, he just nodded, understanding.

 

“I know that. And I’ll never repudiate it. It’s okay. C’mere…okay…okay….”

 

He pressed a series of little kisses to John’s mouth as he spoke, his big hands caressing John’s shoulders. John felt himself calming, and he held on tight to Rodney. Rodney was his anchor in the storm of his emotions, and with Rodney he felt safe. Slowly he started to feel better, and he began caressing his sub again.

 

“Let me see that fantastic ass. I've been dreaming about that ass for days now, and I need to see it," he whispered throatily.

 

Rodney nodded, and rolled over onto his stomach. John knelt beside him, drinking in the sight of his ass. It was as beautiful as he remembered it. Two perfect globes of white flesh, round and enticing.

 

He reached out and stroked it softly, then lowered his mouth to it and kissed the smooth skin reverently. He licked and sucked and kissed his way over every single inch of Rodney’s bare bottom, lost in the joy of holding it, and caressing it.

 

He opened Rodney’s butt cheeks and slipped his tongue into the dark crevice between them, moaning to himself as he inhaled Rodney’s scent. This was where he needed to be. He enjoyed tasting that secret flesh for a long time, his tongue lapping deep inside his sub. Then he withdrew, and pressed his lips to the white fleshy buttocks again, frowning. Something was missing. Something important. Something *necessary*. The skin was too pale and bare – it needed his mark.

 

"Hold still for me," he growled, his lips closing on that soft, round surface. He sucked for a long time, then bit, and Rodney gave a little whimper but he didn’t move until John was done. John felt a little better once Rodney was marked. He didn't know why – just that he had some need, deep inside, to place his mark upon Rodney's flesh – preferably his plump ass.

 

He fingered the little red mark happily, and then turned Rodney over and kissed him again, hard this time, on the lips. Rodney’s body was as loose as a ragdoll, utterly compliant, and that just made John's arousal even stronger.

 

“You’re still dressed. Can I undress you?” Rodney asked eagerly. John nodded, grateful that he didn’t have to fumble with any fastenings himself when he was in such an intense emotional state.

 

Rodney leaned over him, and began slowly unzipping his black shirt, his blue eyes completely focussed and intent as he worked. He paused, and examined the little marks on the side of John's neck where the bug had fixed itself, his big fingers tender and careful as he touched it, as if he was handling the most delicate circuitry.

 

Then he moved his head and lapped at the marks gently with his tongue, sucking and kissing. John mewled, lost in his sub’s attention. Rodney released his neck and began making his way down to John's pants. He opened them, and gave a little sigh of happiness as he released John's hard cock. John grinned, pleased that his body turned his sub on as much as Rodney's body turned him on.

 

Rodney swiftly divested him of the rest of his clothes, and John pulled him down on top of him again, *needing* to feel naked flesh on naked flesh. Their cocks rubbed together as they kissed; John could feel them pulsing as their tongues clashed wildly.

 

He explored Rodney's mouth thoroughly. He had missed this so much; the taste of Rodney, the feel of his cock…he couldn't hold back for much longer. His fingers dipped into the cleft between Rodney's butt cheeks, and he knew he had to take him soon, but not yet…he had to do something else first.

 

“Need to look at you, need to play with you…be still…be still,” he whispered hoarsely, pushing Rodney down beneath him.

 

He roamed over Rodney's body, reacquainting himself with it, needing to touch every single familiar inch of his lover's naked skin. His hands, lips and tongue were never still as he explored every part of his sub. He could hear nothing except the sound of his own heartbeat, and the soft little moans Rodney made as he rubbed, licked and caressed him.

 

Rodney responded by opening up wherever John went, moving arms and legs, rolling this way and that, offering his hard cock to John's mouth, or holding open his ass cheeks for John to slip his tongue into his hole, or lube it with his fingers. John was relentless. He couldn't get enough of Rodney. He needed to devour him, caress him and become one with him once more.

 

He knew that his urgency was in part fuelled by his own fear; he still hadn't felt the warm pulsing of the link, and he wondered if it was too badly damaged to ever be fully restored. He tortured himself with the worry that it might never come back, that he had broken it forever.

 

"Hey." Rodney caught hold of his face and looked into his eyes, making him focus. "Ssh." Rodney stroked his hands down John's arms, calming him. "It's there…you can't force it. Just relax."

 

John nodded, taking a few deep breaths, and then he returned to what he'd been doing, but slower this time, taking his time and really savouring it.

 

He cupped Rodney's ass in his hands and squeezed, remembering how it had been the second thing he'd noticed about Rodney, back on McMurdo, what felt like a lifetime ago. The first thing he'd noticed, of course, had been Rodney’s attitude, and that had been what he'd first fallen in love with. The ass was a close second though.

 

He gazed into Rodney's blue eyes, and remembered how Rodney had turned his head during that first public disciplinary, these same blue eyes resigned, dignified and heartbreakingly sad all at the same time. That look would stay with him for the rest of his life. John moved his head and kissed Rodney softly on the lips, needing to comfort him long after the event. He resolved to himself, fiercely, that Rodney would never again be exposed to that kind of punishment, no matter what he did. John would take it for him if need be, and punish Rodney in private if it was deserved, but he'd never allow the rest of the city to sit and gawp at Rodney that way again.

 

He moved to sit astride Rodney, and held his sub's hands above his head again, remembering that exquisite first kiss, on the seashore, a few months previously. Rodney's lips were still as sweet. He kissed them again, reliving that moment. It was so vivid that he could almost hear the waves crashing on the beach, and taste the salty air on Rodney's mouth.

 

He moved again, down to the neck that another top had dared to try and collar. He growled at the memory of Bates's choke chain, and then calmed himself by nuzzling at the shining metal that encased Rodney's throat. His collar. Rodney was his, and he'd fight the entire galaxy to keep him, if necessary. Bates had just been the first.

 

John traced the cool metal with his tongue, remembering how Rodney had knelt in front of him in the glow of the beach fire, and bent his head so sweetly to take John's collar. It still made him quiver.

 

He worked his way down to suck on the nipples that were always so sensitive, then moved down to the cock that was the most beautiful he’d ever seen, and took it in his mouth. He could feel the heat in his own cock as he remembered how exciting it had been to snap that cock ring around Rodney, and keep his sub in a state of total submission. How that had led to the most extraordinary sex of his life, when they had started moving as one, merging into one complete being…and then John felt it - the faint, pulsing warmth of the link, gently morphing back into life. He saw the little crooked smile curve on Rodney's lips and knew that he'd felt it too, and gave a sigh of relief.

 

“Oh thank god!” he whispered, kissing the smile on Rodney’s mouth, all his worries and doubts disappearing. The link was still there, flowing between them, tentative and weak but definitely there.

 

John knew that it was time now. He knelt between Rodney's legs and gently pulled his buttocks open, then gazed into Rodney's eyes as he entered him slowly. It felt fantastic, the way it always felt being inside Rodney.

 

He could feel his cock pulsing in time to the sweet pulsing of the link, and when he wrapped his hand around Rodney's cock he could feel that pulsing to the same rhythm. They were whole again, connected, and John pushed forward, making love to his beloved submissive slowly, sensuously, pushing in and out in time to the undulating of the link. It was glowing now, sending warm, sweet, honeyed waves of energy back and forth between them.

 

John found himself moving faster, keeping time, flowing in and out of Rodney just as the link was flowing back and forth between them. Rodney's blue eyes were locked with his, sharing an intense gaze, and John felt a sense of tranquillity descend on him. He was back. The link was unbroken. All was well. He was home.

 

When they both came, it was a gentle release, sweet and loving. John felt himself ejaculate deep within Rodney’s welcoming body, and then he felt Rodney’s warm come spurting out onto his own fingers a few seconds later.

 

Exhausted but happy, John lowered himself shakily onto his sub’s sturdy body, and lay there, resting his head on Rodney’s chest, his cock still embedded in Rodney’s anus. Rodney put his arms around him, wrapping him in their comforting warmth, and there they stayed, for an hour, or a day, or a lifetime, at one with each other. John closed his eyes, and dozed to the sensation of the link flowing powerfully between them, back to its former strength – maybe even stronger than ever.

 

Only when the sweat had cooled on their bodies, making them cold, did John finally withdraw. He immediately rolled onto his side and took Rodney in his arms. He loved holding Rodney like this, Rodney's ass pressed against his groin, Rodney's broad shoulders against his chest.

 

“That was incredible,” he whispered. “Did you feel it? It felt so good.”

 

“I’m glad it’s back,” Rodney replied softly. “I don’t want it to ever go anywhere, ever again.” He rested one of his hands over John’s where they were clasped around his waist.

 

"So, what made you change your mind?" John murmured. "About the whole living together thing?"

 

"Losing you - obviously," Rodney replied softly, in one of those moments of blank honesty that was so completely Rodney. "You may come to regret it of course because another of my new rules is that we don't spend a night apart unless it's absolutely unavoidable."

 

"Sounds fine to me," John said, nuzzling his sub’s neck with his mouth. "You're not bad at making up new rules."

 

"Well obviously. My genius is all-encompassing," Rodney sniffed. John grinned and bit his shoulder. Rodney squirmed happily in his arms. "Oh, this will amuse you. I was looking through my files today and I found my list."

 

"Ah - the famous list." John kissed the back of Rodney's neck. "So, that whole thing about not liking anal sex…?"

 

"Yeah. I'm kind of over that. You might have noticed," Rodney said, with a trademark Rodney giggle.

 

"God I love that sound. What did you do with it? The list?"

 

"I deleted it. There didn't seem much point to it any more as you're always going to do exactly what you want regardless."

 

"You have a problem with that?" John stroked Rodney's arm gently.

 

"No. I like it. In fact, I possibly like it too much. It's kind of addictive."

 

John smiled. He caught sight of the photo of his parents on the nightstand and gazed at it for awhile. He wasn't sure whether he believed in any kind of afterlife but that brief moment he'd shared with them when his heart had stopped beating had seemed so real. Maybe it had been the hallucination of a dying brain, but he liked to think they were out there, somewhere, watching over him. The last time he had called anyplace home had been when they were alive.

 

Home.

 

John remembered Rodney's note, and kissed the back of his sub's neck again.

 

He had finally come home.

 

The End